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Location: The Circle City. Sometimes NE of Bagdad.
24,482 posts, read 26,021,800 times
Reputation: 59868
I checked into a hotel on a business trip and was a bit lonely so I thought
I'd get me one of those girls you see advertised in phone booths when you're
calling for a cab. I grabbed a card on my way in. It was an ad for a girl
calling herself Erogonique, a lovely girl, bending over in the photo. She
had all the right curves in all the right places, beautiful long wavy hair,
long graceful legs all the way up. You know the kind. So I'm in my room and
figure, what the heck, I'll give her a call.
"Hello?" the woman says.
Wow! she sounded sexy. "Hi, I hear you give a great massage and I'd like you
to come to my room and give me one. No, wait, I should be straight with you.
I'm in town all alone and what I really want is $ex. I want it hard, I want
it hot, and I want it now. I'm talking kinky the whole night long. You name
it, we'll do it. Bring implements, toys, everything you've got in your bag
of tricks. We'll go hot and heavy all night; Tie me up, wear a strap on,
cover me in chocolate syrup and whipped cream, anything you want baby. Now,
how does that sound?"
She says, "That sounds fantastic,...... but for an outside line Sir, you
need to press 9."
A little boy was attending his first wedding.
After the service, his cousin asked him,
"How many women can a man marry?"
"Sixteen," the boy responded.
His cousin was amazed that he had an answer so quickly.
"How do you know that?"
"Easy," the little boy said.
"All you have to do is add it up, like the pastor said,
4 better, 4 worse, 4 richer, 4 poorer."
* * * * *
After a church service on Sunday morning, a young boy suddenly announced to his mother,
"Mom, I've decided to become a minister when I grow up."
"That's okay with us, but what made you decide that?"
"Well," said the little boy, "I have to go to church on Sunday anyway,
And I figure it will be more fun to stand up and yell, than to sit and listen."
* * * * *
A 6-year-old was overheard reciting the Lord's Prayer at a church service,
And forgive us our trash passes, as we forgive those who passed trash against us."
* * * * *
A boy was watching his father, a pastor, write a sermon.
"How do you know what to say?" he asked.
"Why, God tells me."
"Oh, then why do you keep crossing things out?"
* * * * * *
A little girl became restless as the preacher's sermon dragged on and on.
Finally, she leaned over to her mother and whispered,
"Mommy, if we give him the money now, will he let us go?"
* * * * * *
Ms. Terri asked her Sunday School class to draw pictures of their favorite Bible stories.
She was puzzled by Kyle's picture, which showed four people on an airplane,
So she asked him which story it was meant to represent.
"The Flight to Egypt ," was his reply.
Pointing at each figure, Ms. Terri said,
"That must be Mary, Joseph, and Baby Jesus.
But who's the fourth person?"
"Oh, that's Pontius - the pilot!"
* * * * * * *
A little girl was sitting on her grandfather's lap as he read her a bedtime story.
From time to time, she would take her eyes off the book and reach up to touch his wrinkled cheek.
She was alternately stroking her own cheek, then his again.
Finally she spoke up, "Grandpa, did God make you?"
"Yes, sweetheart," he answered, "God made me a long time ago."
"Oh," she paused, "Grandpa, did God make me too?"
"Yes, indeed, honey," he said, "God made you just a little while ago."
Feeling their respective faces again, she observed,
"God's getting better at it, isn't he ?"
Location: The Circle City. Sometimes NE of Bagdad.
24,482 posts, read 26,021,800 times
Reputation: 59868
And Dog lived with Adam and Eve and was a companion to them and loved them.
And they were comforted.
And God was pleased.
And Dog was content and wagged his tail.
After a while, it came to pass that an angel came to the Lord and said, 'Lord, Adam and Eve have become filled with pride. They strut and preen like peacocks and they believe they are worthy of adoration. Dog has indeed taught them that they are loved, but perhaps too well.'
And God said, I will create for them a companion who will be with them and who will see them as they are. The companion will remind them of their limitations, so they will know that they are not always worthy of adoration.'
And God created CAT to be a companion to Adam and Eve.
And Cat would not obey them. And when Adam and Eve gazed into Cat's eyes, they were reminded that they were not the supreme beings.
And Adam and Eve learned humility.
And they were greatly improved.
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