Official Joke & Humor Thread - Part Deux [MERGED] (cost, poem, women)

[highcotton]

A man, while playing on the front nine of a complicated golf course, became confused as to where he was on the course. Looking around, he saw a lady playing ahead of him. He walked up to her, explained his confusion and asked her if she knew what hole he was playing.

"I'm on the 7th hole," she replied, "and you are a hole behind me. So you must be on the 6th hole."

He thanked her and went back to his golf ball.

On the back nine, the same thing happened and he approached her again with the same request.

"I'm on number 14, and you're still a hole behind, so you must be on the 13th hole."

Once again he thanked her and returned to his play.

He finished his round and went to the clubhouse where he saw the same lady sitting at the end of the bar. He asked the bartender if he knew the lady.

The bartender said that she was a sales lady and played the course often.

He approached her and said, "Let me buy you a drink in appreciation for your help. I understand that you are in the sales profession. I'm in sales also. What do you sell?"

"I'll tell you, but you are going to laugh," she replied.

"No, I won't."

"Well, if you must know," she answered, "I work for Tampax."

With that, he laughed so hard he almost fell off the bar stool.

"See," she said. "I knew you'd laugh!"

"That's not what I'm laughing at," he replied, "I'm a salesman for Preparation H, so I'm still a hole behind you."

[motormaker]

Always keep your spouse’s picture as mobile screen saver. Whenever you face a problem, see the picture & say: if I can handle this, I can handle anything!… Superb Attitude for Life!!

Listening To your Wife…is like reading terms & conditions of a website. You understand nothing but still click on
"I AGREE"

[highcotton]

Tim decided to tie the knot with his long-time girlfriend, then spending a wonderful honeymoon in the Hawaiin Islands.
One evening, after the honeymoon, he was cleaning his golf equipment.
His wife was standing there watching him intently.
After a long period of silence she finally speaks. "Honey, I've been thinking, now that we are married I think it's time you quit golfing! Maybe you should sell your golf clubs and golf cart."
Tim gets this horrified, exasperated look on his face. She says, "Darling, what's wrong?"
Tim says, ”There for a minute you were sounding like my ex-wife.”
"Ex wife!" she screams, "I didn't know you were married before!"
"I wasn't“ replied Tim...

[highcotton]

A guy goes to the supermarket and notices a beautiful blond woman wave at him and say hello.
He's rather taken aback, because he can't place where he had met her. So he says, "Do you know me?"

To which she replies, "I think you're the father of one of my kids."

Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife and says, "My God, are you the stripper from my bachelor party that I made love to on the pool table with all my buddies watching, while they sprayed whip cream on us?"

She looks into his eyes and calmly says, "No, actually I'm your son's school teacher."

[PAhippo]

Originally Posted by highcotton

A guy goes to the supermarket and notices a beautiful blond woman wave at him and say hello.
He's rather taken aback, because he can't place where he had met her. So he says, "Do you know me?"

To which she replies, "I think you're the father of one of my kids."

Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife and says, "My God, are you the stripper from my bachelor party that I made love to on the pool table with all my buddies watching, while they sprayed whip cream on us?"

She looks into his eyes and calmly says, "No, actually I'm your son's school teacher."

oops!

[garvan]

monsters check under their beds for chuck norris. :-)

got any other Chuck jokes?

Chuck Norris was born in 1945. The next day, the Nazis surrendered.

[garvan]

cause the last time they listened to a bush, they had to spend 40 years wandering in the wilderness.

[highcotton]

Moderators: Is it okay to re-post jokes and poetry here in the Official Joke and Humor Thread?

The reason I ask is because this was said in a different C-D forum when re-posting poetry:
Moderator cut: nothing wrong with "poetry", as long as you don't re-post something. If you do, post only a short excerpt and a link to the original source

[highcotton]

So, does the Mod that handles this forum know the answer to my question above?

[motormaker]

I think the red posting above is by a Mod.