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In a dark and hazy room, peering into a crystal ball, the fortune teller delivered grave news:
"There's no easy way to tell you this, so I'll just be blunt. Prepare yourself to be a widow. Your husband will die a violent and horrible death this year."
Visibly shaken, the young woman stared back at the old woman's lined face, then at the single flickering candle, then down at her shaking hands.
She took a few deep breaths to compose herself. Her mind raced. A question forced its way out... she simply had to know.. She met the Fortune Teller's gaze, tried to steady her voice and asked,
Location: The Circle City. Sometimes NE of Bagdad.
24,482 posts, read 26,021,800 times
Reputation: 59868
Do Las Vegas Churches accept gambling chips?
This may come as a surprise to those of you not living in Las Vegas but there are more Catholic churches than casinos.
Not surprisingly, some worshipers atSunday services will give casino chips rather than cash when the basket is passed.
Since they get chips from many different casinos, the churches have devised a method to collect the offerings.
The churches send all their collected chips to a nearby Franciscan monastery for sorting and then the chips are taken to the casinos of origin and cashed in.
Location: The Circle City. Sometimes NE of Bagdad.
24,482 posts, read 26,021,800 times
Reputation: 59868
A woman runs a red traffic light and crashes into a man's car. Both of their cars are demolished, but amazingly, neither of them is hurt.
After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says; "Wow, just look at our cars! There's nothing left, but fortunately we are unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace for the rest of our days."
The man replies, "I agree with you completely. This must be a sign from God!"
The woman continues, "And look at this, here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished, but my bottle of wine didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune." She then hands the bottle to the man.
The man nods his head in agreement, opens it, drinks half the bottle and then hands it back to the woman. The woman takes the bottle, immediately puts the cap back on, and hands it back to the man.
The man asks, "Aren't you having any?"
The woman replies, "Nah. I think I'll just wait for the police."
A woman runs a red traffic light and crashes into a man's car. Both of their cars are demolished, but amazingly, neither of them is hurt.
After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says; "Wow, just look at our cars! There's nothing left, but fortunately we are unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace for the rest of our days."
The man replies, "I agree with you completely. This must be a sign from God!"
The woman continues, "And look at this, here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished, but my bottle of wine didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune." She then hands the bottle to the man.
The man nods his head in agreement, opens it, drinks half the bottle and then hands it back to the woman. The woman takes the bottle, immediately puts the cap back on, and hands it back to the man.
The man asks, "Aren't you having any?"
The woman replies, "Nah. I think I'll just wait for the police."
Doug Smith is on his deathbed and knows the end is near.
His nurse, his wife, his daughter and 2 sons, are with him.
He asks for 2 witnesses to be present and a camcorder be in place to record his last wishes, and when all is ready he begins to speak:
"My son, Bernie, I want you to take the Mayfair houses."
"My daughter, Sybil, you take the apartments over in the east end."
"My son, Jamie, I want you to take the offices over in the City Centre."
"Sarah, my dear wife, please take all the residential buildings on the banks of the river."
The nurse and witnesses are blown away as they did not realize his extensive holdings, and as Doug slips away, the nurse says, "Mrs. Smith, your husband must have been such a hard-working man to have accumulated all this property."
Sarah replies, "Property? .... The idiot has a paper route!"
Location: The Circle City. Sometimes NE of Bagdad.
24,482 posts, read 26,021,800 times
Reputation: 59868
A very successful attorney parked his brand new Porsche 911 Turbo in front of his office, ready to show it off to his colleagues. As he was getting out, a truck came barreling down the road, drifted right and completely tore off the driver's door. Fortunately, a cop was close enough to see the accident and pulled up behind the now door-less Porsche with his lights flashing.
Before the cop had a chance to ask any questions, the attorney started screaminghysterically about how his precious Porsche, which he had just purchased the day before, was completely ruined and no matter how any car body shop tried to make it new again, would never be the same.
After the lawyer finally wound down from his rant, the cop shook his head in disbelief, "I can't believe how materialistic you lawyers are," he said, "You are so focused on your possessions that you neglect the most important things in life."
"How can you say such a thing?" asked the lawyer.
The cop replied, "Don't you even realize that your left arm is missing? It was severed when the truck hit you!"
"OHH, MY GOD!" screamed the lawyer. . . "My Rolex!
Location: The Circle City. Sometimes NE of Bagdad.
24,482 posts, read 26,021,800 times
Reputation: 59868
Last Wednesday a passenger in a
taxi heading for Midway airport, leaned over to ask the
driver a question and gently tapped
him on the shoulder to get his attention.
The driver screamed, lost control of
the cab, nearly hit a bus, drove up over the curb and
stopped just inches from a large
plate window. For a few moments everything was silent in the
cab.
Then, the shaking driver said,
"Are you OK? I'm so sorry, but you scared the
daylights out of me."
The badly shaken passenger
apologized to the driver and said, "I didn't
realize that a mere tap on the shoulder would startle
someone so badly."
The driver replied, "No, no,
I'm the one who is sorry, it's entirely my
fault. Today is my very first day driving a cab.
I've been driving a hearse for 25 years.
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