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Kate : I heard that you have 10 children, is that true?
Susan : Yes, they're all boys and have the same name, Jonathan!
Kate : What if you want to call only one, or some but not all of them?
Susan : It's easy, just call the name(s) of his/their father(s)!
Kate : ???
Location: The Circle City. Sometimes NE of Bagdad.
24,482 posts, read 26,021,800 times
Reputation: 59868
More on aging.
Aging:
Eventually you will reach a point
when you stop lying about your
age and start bragging about it.
This is so true.
I love to hear them say
"you don't look that old."
---------------------------------
The older we get, the fewer things
seem worth waiting in line for.
(Mostly because we forgot why we
were waiting in line in the first place !!)
---------------------------------
Some people try to turn back their odometers.
Not me!
I want people to know why I look this way.
I've traveled a long way and some of
the roads weren't paved.
********************
When you are dissatisfied
and would like to go back to youth,
think of Algebra.
-------------------------------
One of the many things
no one tells you about aging
is that it is such a nice change
from being young.
~~~~~~~~~~~
Ah, being young is beautiful,
but being old is comfortable.
*********
First you forget names,
then you forget faces.
Then you forget to pull up
your zipper... it's worse when
you forget to pull it up.
Ricky was at the mall and went into a toy shop, picked up a toy plane, gave the shopkeeper Monopoly money and started to leave.
The shopkeeper told him,"Excuse me little boy, this isn't real money."
Ricky continued walking out of the shop and didn't reply.
The shopkeeper repeated himself, and Ricky kept walking.
The third time the shopkeeper called him, Ricky said"What ?"
The shopkeeper said, "I'm sorry, young man, but this is not real money."
Ricky looked at the plane in his hands, looked at the shopkeeper and finally said, "And this isn't a real plane."
.........................
Witnessing childbirth.
Due to a power outage, only one paramedic responded to the call.
The house was very dark so the paramedic asked Kathleen, a 3-yr old girl to hold a flashlight high over her mommy so he could see while he helped deliver the baby. Very diligently, Kathleen did as she was asked. Heidi pushed and pushed and after a little while, Connor was born.
The paramedic lifted him by his little feet and spanked him on his bottom. Connor began to cry. The paramedic then thanked Kathleen for her help and asked the wide-eyed 3-yr old what she thought about what she had just witnessed.
Kathleen quickly responded,"He shouldn't have crawled in there in the first place... smack his ass again !"
“A panda walks into a bar. He asks the bartender how he can get a little action for the night. The bartender motions to a young woman. She talks to the panda, and they go back to her place. After having sex, the panda abruptly leaves. The next night, the woman goes to the panda's house. "You owe me money,"she says."For what ?", the woman rolls her eyes and explains,"I'm a prostitute.", the panda pulls out a dictionary and looks it up:"Prostitute : has sex for money.", the panda says,"I don't have to pay you. I'm a panda. Look it up.", she is about to protest when the panda hands her the dictionary. The woman looks up "panda" in the dictionary, and it reads,"Panda : eats bush and leaves.”
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