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A man in Newfoundland answered his door to find two grim-faced RCMP officers.
"We're sorry Mr. Flynn, but we have some information about your wife," said one of the officers
.
"Tell me! Did you find her?!" Cedric Flynn asked.
The troopers looked at each other. One said, "We have some bad news, some good news, and some really great news. Which would you like to hear first?"
Fearing the worst, Mr. Flynn said, "Give me the bad news first."
The RCMP officer said, "I'm sorry to tell you, sir, but this morning we found your wife's body in the bay."
"Lord sufferin' Jesus!" exclaimed Flynn.
Swallowing hard, he asked, "What could possibly be the good news?"
The officer continued, "When we pulled her up, she had 12 of the best looking Atlantic Lobsters that you have ever seen and 60 good-sized Rockfish clinging to her, and the odd squid. Haven't seen lobsters like that since the 1960's, and we feel you are entitled to a share in the catch."
Stunned, Mr. Flynn demanded, "If that's the good news, then what's the great news?
"
The officer replied, "We're gonna pull her up again tomorrow."
^^^ Notice the handicap parking permit hanging from the mirror. So typical. More than likely on more than one social program 'sucking our tax dollars'.p lol.
Let me tell youi something, wordsmith. First of all this thread is for jokes, not personal comments. Second, my wife has, and needs that "handicap parking permit hanging from the mirror". If not for that permit and the scooters at places like Walmart, she might not be able to go anywhere. She has a bulging disc in her lumbar. She can walk around but after a few minutes her legs get weak and she has to sit down. There may be somebody "sucking our tax dollars" with this but before you start on that part, always remember there are plenty more who need it.
Sorry, folks, for stooping to his level and commenting on a post that doesn't belong on a joke thread, but that just hit me wrong.
The handicap placard is given VIA a MD signature. They DO NOT just sign the paper for any DMV issued Placard.
There is bound to be a WRONG person using it somewhere that's for sure.......a HEFTY fine if caught.
I had Spinal Surgery and later on developed a numbness on my right hip to the foot that would come on me after a few mins of walking using a cane for balance. Asked my MD how bad I had to be in order to qualify for that Placard...signed the form quickly. As it stands can only use it 50% of the time as the spaces are already filled so I walk a bit further to the front entrance.
Also am not trying to change the threads format but felt a positive wording was needed.
Will be 84 in 3 short weeks and had 3 heart attacks in April/May.....let the Jokes continue as I like to LAUGH when possible.
Whenever I see a New car Dlr advertising a late model car as being "Certified Used Car",.....I Laugh because I see they are Guaranteeing that the car is USED. ( The "Certified Used Car" is in another thread)
Location: The Circle City. Sometimes NE of Bagdad.
24,450 posts, read 25,984,086 times
Reputation: 59808
A man was dining alone in a fancy restaurant and there was a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table..He had been checking her out since he sat down, but lacked the nerve to talk with her.
********************
Suddenly she sneezed, and her glass eye came flying out of its socket towards the man. He reflexively reached out, grabbed it out of the air, and handed it back.
'Oh my, I am so sorry,' the woman said, as she popped her eye back in place. 'Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you.'
**********************
They enjoyed a wonderful dinner together, and afterwards they went to the theater followed by drinks... They talked, they laughed, she shared her deepest dreams and he shared his. She listened to him with interest.
*************************
After paying for everything, she asked him if he would like to come to her place for a nightcap and stay for breakfast. They had a wonderful, wonderful time..
************************
The next morning, she cooked a gourmet meal with all the trimmings. The guy was amazed. Everything had been so incredible!
*************************
'You know,' he said, 'you are the perfect woman.. Are you this nice to every guy you meet?'
Location: The Circle City. Sometimes NE of Bagdad.
24,450 posts, read 25,984,086 times
Reputation: 59808
One afternoon a lawyer was riding in his limousine when he saw two men
along the road-side eating grass.
Disturbed, he ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate.
He asked one man, "Why are you eating grass?"
"We don't have any money for food," the poor man replied.
"We have to eat grass."
"Well, then, you can come with me to my house and I'll feed you,"
the lawyer said.
"But sir, I have a wife and two children with me. They are over here
under that tree."
"Bring them along," the lawyer replied.
Turning to the other poor man he stated, "You may come with us, also.
The second man, in a pitiful voice, then said, "But sir, I also have a wife
and six children with me!"
"Bring them all as well,” the lawyer answered.
They all entered the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large
as the limousine.
Once under way, one of the poor fellows turned to the lawyer and said,
"Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you."
The lawyer replied, "Glad to do it. You'll really love my place.
The grass is almost a foot high."
* * *
C'mon...did you really think there was such a thing as a
‘heartwarming lawyer story'???
Location: The Circle City. Sometimes NE of Bagdad.
24,450 posts, read 25,984,086 times
Reputation: 59808
After a Beer Festival in London, all the brewery presidents decided to go out for a beer.
The guy from Corona sits down and says, "I would like the world's best beer, a Corona." The bartender dusts off a bottle from the shelf and gives it to him.
The guy from Budweiser says, "I'd like the best beer in the world, give me 'The King Of Beers,' a Budweiser." The bartender gives him one.
The guy from Coors says, "I'd like the only beer made with Rocky Mountain spring water, give me a Coors." He gets it.
The guy from Guinness sits down and says, "Give me a Coke." The bartender is a little taken aback, but gives him what he ordered.
The other brewery presidents look over at him and ask, "Why aren't you drinking a Guinness?"
The Guinness resident replies "Well, if you guys aren't drinking beer, neither will I."
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