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As new friends, college students introduction
Ben : Hi, I'm Ben, 18 years old!
Ken : Hi, I'm Ken, 19 years old!
20 years later...
Ben : I remember your face... Are you Ken?
Ken : Yes, you're Ben right?
Ben : Yes, how old are you?
Ken : 19!
Ben : You must be lying, when we first met you said you're 19!
Ken : I want to be a consistent person, so I was being consistent for my age, not lying!
Ben : ?&$@&
Location: The Circle City. Sometimes NE of Bagdad.
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Reputation: 59868
A bookseller conducting a market survey asked a woman – “Which book has helped you most in your life?”
The woman replied – “My husband’s cheque book !!”
A prospective husband in a book store asked “Do you have a book called, ‘Husband – the Master of the House’?
Sales Girl : “Sir, Fiction and Comics are on the 1st floor!”.
Someone asked an old man : “Even after 70 years, you still call your wife – Darling, Honey, Luv. What’s the secret ?
Old man : I forgot her name and I’m scared to ask her.
A man in Hell asked the Devil : Can I make a call to my Wife ?
After making the call he asked how much he has to pay.
Devil : Nothing. Hell to hell is Free.
Wife : I wish I was a newspaper, so I’d be in your hands all day.
Husband : I wish that too, so I could have a new one every day !
Husband to wife – Today is a fine day. Next day he repeats : Today is a fine day. Again, the next day he says the same thing. Finally after a week, the wife couldn’t take it anymore and asks: for the last week, you have said “Today is a fine day". I am fed up. What’s the matter?
Husband : Last week, when we had an argument, you said, “I will leave you one fine day.” I was trying to remind you……"
An old married couple no sooner hit the pillows when the man passes gas and says, "seven points!".
His wife rolls over and says, "What in the world was that?" The old man replied "it's fart football."
A few minutes later his wife lets one go and says, "Touchdown! Tie score..."
After about five minutes the old man lets another one goes and says, "Aha, I'm ahead 14 to 7"
Not to be outdone the wife rips out another one and says, "Touchdown, tie score."
Five seconds go by and she lets out a little squeaker and says, "Field goal, I lead 17 to 14." Now the pressure is on for the old man.
He refuses to get beaten by a woman, so he strains real hard. Since defeat is totally unacceptable, he gives it everything he's got, and accidentally poops in the bed.
1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time... I know where my watch is pal, where do you keep yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?
2. People who are willing to get off their backside to search the entire room for the T.V. remote because they refuse to walk to the T.V. and change the channel manually!
3. When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too". You better believe it! What good is cake if you can't eat it?
4. When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it is. Why would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they? They need help!
5. When people say while watching a film "did you see that?". No Dude, I paid $10 to come to the cinema and stare at the floor.
6. People who ask "Can I ask you a question?"... Didn't really give me a choice there, did you mate ?
7. When something is 'new and improved! Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it, so it couldn't be new.
8. When people say "life is short." What the heck?? Life is the longest thing anyone ever does!! What can you do that's longer?
9. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks "Has the bus come yet?". If the bus had come would I be standing here?
10. When you are already waiting for a lift or at a pedestrian crossing and someone comes up and presses the button. Oh, so thats what you have to do, I would never have thought of that!
11. When your watching sports and the announcer says, "the team is giving 150%." Hey, I have an idea. Give me 50 % of your salary, and keep 100% for yourself.
12. When you say, "don't look now," and their heads whip around. What part of don't look don't people understand?
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