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This ought to make you feel better about your computer skills!
Tech support: What kind of computer do you have?
Customer: A white one...
Tech support: Click on the 'my computer' icon on to the left of the screen.
Customer: Your left or my left?
****************************
Customer: Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print. Every time I try, it says 'Can't find printer'. I've even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can't find it..
****************************
Tech support: What's on your monitor now, ma'am?
Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me at the 7-11.
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Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore.
Tech support: Are you sure it's plugged into the computer?
Customer: No. I can't get behind the computer.
Tech support: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back.
Customer: OK
Tech support: Did the keyboard come with you?
Customer: Yes
Tech support: That means the keyboard is not plugged in.
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Customer: I can't get on the Internet.
Tech support: Are you sure you used the right password?
Customer: Yes, I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it.
Tech support: Can you tell me what the password was?
Customer: Five dots.
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Tech support: What anti-virus program do you use?
Customer: Netscape.
Tech support: That's not an anti-virus program.
Customer: Oh, sorry... Internet Explorer..
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Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screen saver on my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears.
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Tech support: How may I help you?
Customer: I'm writing my first email.
Tech support: OK, and what seems to be the problem?
Customer: Well, I have the letter 'a' in the address, but how do I get the little circle around it?
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A woman customer called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer.
Tech support: Are you running it under windows?
Customer: 'No, my desk is next to the door, but that is a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his printer is working fine.'
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And last but not least!
Tech support: 'Okay Bob, let's press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter 'P' to bring up the Program Manager.'
Customer: I don't have a P.
Tech support: On your keyboard, Bob.
Customer: What do you mean?
Tech support: 'P'....on your keyboard, Bob.
Customer: I'M NOT GOING TO DO THAT!
Location: The Circle City. Sometimes NE of Bagdad.
24,448 posts, read 25,978,821 times
Reputation: 59798
One day, a little girl asked her father,
"How did the human race start?"
The father answered,
"God made Adam and Eve and they had children, and so all mankind was made."
Next day, the little girl asked her mother the same question. The mother answered,
"Many years ago, there were monkeys, from which the human race evolved."
The confused girl returned to her father and said,
"Dad, how is it possible that you told me the human race was created by God, and Mum said they developed from monkeys?"
The father answered, "Well, dear, it is very simple.
I told you about my side of the family and your mother told you about hers."
A local Church Preacher stops by the house of Lila Jane to see if she is okay as she has not been to a few of the Sunday Church meetings.
Preacher: "How you doin Lila Jane...things Okay, as I have not seen you at the Sunday meetings lately".
Lila Jane: "I'm doin jest fine Preacher as I've been busy with all the boys comin over and listening to the music every Sunday"
Preacher: "Music Lila Jane?".
Lila Jane: " Yes, Preacher jest music".
Preacher: "And what kinda music are they a listening too?".
Lila Jane: " Don't know Preacher...jest some music".
Preacher: "Can I listen to that music?"
Lila Jane: "Sure Preacher...put your ear on my chest and listen".
Preacher: (puts his ear on her chest) " I don't hear any music".
Lila Jane: " Don't know preacher, all I know is they hear music every time they do this"....wait let me unbutton a couple of the buttons on my blouse so you can hear better".
Preacher: "Still don't hear any music Lila Jane".
Lila Jane: "Don't understand Preacher.....hmmmmm let me open my blouse all the way so you can put your ear between my breasts".
Preacher: "Still Nothin Lila Jane".
Lila Jane: "Don't understand Preacher as they listen to the music..........................Wait, I know, your NOT PLUGGED IN"
Location: The Circle City. Sometimes NE of Bagdad.
24,448 posts, read 25,978,821 times
Reputation: 59798
Now we know
Brains of older people are slow because they know so much. People do not decline mentally with age, it just takes them longer to recall facts because they have more information in their brains, scientists believe. Much like a computer struggles as the hard drive gets full up, so to do humans take longer to access information, it has been suggested. Researchers say this slowing down it is not the same as cognitive decline.
The human brain works slower in old age, said Dr. Michael Ramscar, but only because we have stored more information over time the brains of older people do not get weak. On the contrary, they simply know more.
Also, older people often go to another room to get something and when they get there, they stand there wondering what they came for. It is NOT a memory problem, it is nature's way of making older people do more exercise.
I have more friends I should send this too, but right know I can't remember their names.
So please forward it to your friends, they may be my friends too.
Location: The Circle City. Sometimes NE of Bagdad.
24,448 posts, read 25,978,821 times
Reputation: 59798
A young cowboy from Montana goes off to college. Half way through the semester, having foolishly squandered all his money .... he calls home.
"Dad," he says, "You won't believe what modern education is developing!
They actually have a program here in Missoula that will teach our dog,
Ole' Blue how to talk!"
"That's amazing," his Dad says. "How do I get Ole' Blue in that program?"
"Just send him down here with $1,000" the young cowboy says "and I'll get him in the course."
So, his father sends the dog and $1,000.
About two-thirds of the way through the semester, the money again runs out.
The boy calls home.
"So how's Ole' Blue doing son?" his father asks.
"Awesome, Dad, he's talking up a storm," he says,
"but you just won't believe this -- they've had such good results they have started to teach the animals how to read!"
"Read!?" says his father, "No kidding! How do we get Blue in that program?"
"Just send $2,500, I'll get him in the class."
The money promptly arrives. But our hero has a problem.
At the end of the year, his father will find out the dog can neither talk, nor read.
So he shoots the dog.
When he arrives home at the end of the year, his father is all excited.
"Where's Ole' Blue? I just can't wait to see him read something and talk!"
"Dad," the boy says, "I have some grim news. Yesterday morning,
just before we left to drive home, Ole' Blue was in the living room,
kicked back in the recliner, reading the Wall Street Journal, like he usually does".
"Then Ole' Blue turned to me and asked, so, is your daddy still messing around with that little redhead who lives down the road?"
The father went white and exclaimed,
"I hope you shot that damn dog before he talks to your Mother!"
"I sure did, Dad!"
"That's my boy!"
The kid went on to law school, and now serves in
Washington D.C. as a Congressman.
Location: The Circle City. Sometimes NE of Bagdad.
24,448 posts, read 25,978,821 times
Reputation: 59798
For poor Husbands
If you want to change the world, do it when you are a bachelor.
After marriage, you can't even change a TV channel…"
Listening to wife is like reading the terms & conditions of a website.
You don’t understand it but you still accept it.
Chess is the only game in the world, which reflects the status of the husband;
the poor king can take only one step at a time ....
While the mighty QUEEN can do whatever she likes.
What's Checkmate?
You tell your wife “I saw a lady, looked exactly like you" & wife asks
"WAS SHE GORGEOUS..??"
You can’t say 'No' and you can’t say 'Yes' – now that’s Checkmate!
Why do most Indian women request for the same husband, in the next life -
how can you let such good training go to waste?
All Men are Brave,
Horror Movies don't scare them....
But 5 Missed Calls from Wife ...surely does
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