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Old 03-02-2015, 10:44 AM
 
Location: UpstateNY
8,612 posts, read 10,757,973 times
Reputation: 7596

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At the Senior Citizens Centre they had a contest the other day. I lost by one point: The question was: Where do women mostly have curly hair? Apparently the correct answer was Africa!!!
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Old 03-03-2015, 06:46 AM
 
1,302 posts, read 1,578,086 times
Reputation: 2777
When everyone goes around to say what they are thankful for, say, "I'm thankful I didn't get caught" and refuse to say anything more.,,,,,,
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Old 03-03-2015, 07:19 AM
 
Location: UpstateNY
8,612 posts, read 10,757,973 times
Reputation: 7596
Being a modest man, when I checked into my hotel on a recent trip, I said to the lady at the registration desk, "I hope the porn channel in my room is disabled." To which she replied, "No, it's regular people-porn, you sick bastard."
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Old 03-03-2015, 09:21 AM
 
2,842 posts, read 2,327,743 times
Reputation: 3386
The police have found a missing girls body parts in Chicago.

I've phoned the police and put a bid in for her fanny. I must of won because they've just pulled up.
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Old 03-03-2015, 09:22 AM
 
2,842 posts, read 2,327,743 times
Reputation: 3386
For the past twenty years, I've received a Valentine's card from the same secret admirer. So, I was pretty upset when I didn't get one this year.

First my granny dies, now this?
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Old 03-03-2015, 09:23 AM
 
2,842 posts, read 2,327,743 times
Reputation: 3386
Waterboarding at Guantanamo Bay sounds super fun if you don't know what either of those things are.
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Old 03-03-2015, 09:25 AM
 
2,842 posts, read 2,327,743 times
Reputation: 3386
I saw a UFO yesterday.

So I quickly grabbed the worst camera I own to film it with.
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Old 03-03-2015, 09:55 AM
 
2,842 posts, read 2,327,743 times
Reputation: 3386
Since my dear beloved wife died after 27 years of marriage, I've become so lonely so I decided to join a dating agency yesterday and they immediately found me a match. I met her only this morning and we both hit it off right away - we even came back to my place and had amazing sex. Don't get me wrong, I'll never forget my wife but this new lady has given me hope that I can live again. She's also promised to be there to comfort me at my wife's funeral tomorrow afternoon.
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Old 03-04-2015, 07:35 AM
 
Location: UpstateNY
8,612 posts, read 10,757,973 times
Reputation: 7596
Florida Driver's Test

DMV OFFICER: OK, make a left turn here.
TEST TAKER: Whoops.
DMV OFFICER: (Writes something on clipboard.)
TEST TAKER: Does that mean I fail the test?




DMV OFFICER: Nah, she’s getting back up. You just clipped her.

http://www.miamiherald.com/living/li...e11878217.html
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Old 03-04-2015, 10:28 AM
 
1,302 posts, read 1,578,086 times
Reputation: 2777
An elephant and a camel are talking. The elephant asks, "Why do you have boobs on your back?" The camel replies, "Ha! That's a funny question coming from an animal with a penis hanging from his face."
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