People Who No Longer Talk To Parent(s) (husbands, holidays, gossip)
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it's a darn good thing parents accept their children with unconditional love. Most of you whiney, woe is me, spoiled brats on here probably didn't get enough discipline as children. You must all think you're perfect . Parents are not perfect and don't have day by day instructions on how to parent but most of the ones I know do the very best they can. Some end up with appreciative children and some have ended up with brats who cut the parents off for no good reason. So much for unconditional love in return.
Have any of you tried to understand what your parents may have been going through while rasing you? Most parents try to keep issues and problems from the kids, so you may hve no idea what may have triggered this or that. If you cared enough about your parent(s), then as adults you should ask them about it. Sit down and try to work through it.
Only the current generation of 20-30ish adults() seem to be able to walk way so easily and not want to deal with and work through family issues. The older generation 50+ seem to have more respect and honor for the parents,regardless of what went on as a child. For all the times some of you have spent on here bellyaching about how dreadful your parents are, you could have been dealing with it directly with the parent or a therapist.
Well in my husband's case(my post is on page 1), his childhood was very good. He did great in school(4.0 all the way through highschool)and his parents had a very loving relationship. It's been 5 years since we talked to them and I can honestly say, they still do. They took family trips all the time. When I met them all, everything seemed "normal."
The one thing that seperated his parents from mine is that they had no friends really, and still don't. I remember when we were first dating and he came to pick me up. My parents were out with friends. He looked me straight in the eye and said, "your parents go out?" I had to explain to him how at that time, they had been friends with people for 30 years. My parents have friends now that they have had for 40 years. When he grew up, if his parents wanted to go out to dinner by themselves and grandma couldn't babysit, they didn't go. My parents had 5 older teenagers on the block that would babysit us quite a bit and we had a blast with them, boys and girls.
I recall a time when his mom was badgering him about what he was going to do on a night we were going out. She had never done this before, he never even had a curfew and I did. He was 18 at the time and he asked her nicely why she had to pry all the time. Well that was pretty much it along with the one night he came home drunk, which she made way worse then what it was. She just became so snotty to him. She always read his yearbooks and went through his stuff too. She had no reason to. He never was in trouble with the law, never did anything that bad. I think he tried pot twice and wasn't impressed. Big deal, it wasn't like he killed someone. He was in college taking 17 credits and the first semester he got a 3.8 and she could've cared a less. He also worked part-time and payed for his own books. He had a scholarship as well.
So they didn't have this horrible child that caused them problems since birth or anything. He has a younger brother that did crap too, but it just didn't seem to bother them. He moved out with his girlfriend when he was 19 and when my husband(not married at the time)and I would go somewhere overnight, he was raked over the coals for it, but his brother living with his girlfriend(now married)was never an issue. It was like that all the time.
I remember a conversation with his mom and she stated that after they had been married for 6 years, they figured they should start having kids. She said had they not then, they probably never would have. Why they did I don't know, but for my sake I'm glad they did. I learned during another conversation that my FIL's mom never wanted a boy. She had a girl and when he was born he was treated like crap. I always wondered if my husband's dad felt like that. He was always good with both boys and was into the boy toys and taught them stuff, but never once in the 16 years before he left them did his dad ever call and talk to either one of them. I always thought that was so weird. I talk to my dad all the time. His mom always called us, but his dad never did.
As I stated in my first post, the most recent letter we got from his mom did nothing but rip my husband a new one for stupid crap. As he told her, no way would he come back to a family who felt like they did towards him. I will never understand it.
I'm not buying it. If true abuse happened or the parent was a perv,rapist,druggie,etc then I could see them having a problem continuing a relationship.
It seems to be a trend nowadays to just cut the ties then brag about it.
Most who do so seem to have more issues than the parent they are refusing to speak to.
Well...I've seen first hand some of these so called parents. When I worked at a shelter I literally had to fight one of them off her own kid.
I personally don't know anyone who has cut off ties with their parents without a lot of soul searching and have never heard anyone bragging about it, but then, I don't know everyone. Could be that it's a trend of sorts among some, I guess, but family ties usually prove to be stronger than trends in the long run.
and your point...........is?
He doesn't speak to them--why?
You think your parents are the normal ones because they went out and had friends--what does that have to do with him not speaking to his parents for 5 years?
Quote:
Originally Posted by UW Badgers
Well in my husband's case(my post is on page 1), his childhood was very good. He did great in school(4.0 all the way through highschool)and his parents had a very loving relationship. It's been 5 years since we talked to them and I can honestly say, they still do. They took family trips all the time. When I met them all, everything seemed "normal."
The one thing that seperated his parents from mine is that they had no friends really, and still don't. I remember when we were first dating and he came to pick me up. My parents were out with friends. He looked me straight in the eye and said, "your parents go out?" I had to explain to him how at that time, they had been friends with people for 30 years. My parents have friends now that they have had for 40 years. When he grew up, if his parents wanted to go out to dinner by themselves and grandma couldn't babysit, they didn't go. My parents had 5 older teenagers on the block that would babysit us quite a bit and we had a blast with them, boys and girls.
I recall a time when his mom was badgering him about what he was going to do on a night we were going out. She had never done this before, he never even had a curfew and I did. He was 18 at the time and he asked her nicely why she had to pry all the time. Well that was pretty much it along with the one night he came home drunk, which she made way worse then what it was. She just became so snotty to him. She always read his yearbooks and went through his stuff too. She had no reason to. He never was in trouble with the law, never did anything that bad. I think he tried pot twice and wasn't impressed. Big deal, it wasn't like he killed someone. He was in college taking 17 credits and the first semester he got a 3.8 and she could've cared a less. He also worked part-time and payed for his own books. He had a scholarship as well.
So they didn't have this horrible child that caused them problems since birth or anything. He has a younger brother that did crap too, but it just didn't seem to bother them. He moved out with his girlfriend when he was 19 and when my husband(not married at the time)and I would go somewhere overnight, he was raked over the coals for it, but his brother living with his girlfriend(now married)was never an issue. It was like that all the time.
I remember a conversation with his mom and she stated that after they had been married for 6 years, they figured they should start having kids. She said had they not then, they probably never would have. Why they did I don't know, but for my sake I'm glad they did. I learned during another conversation that my FIL's mom never wanted a boy. She had a girl and when he was born he was treated like crap. I always wondered if my husband's dad felt like that. He was always good with both boys and was into the boy toys and taught them stuff, but never once in the 16 years before he left them did his dad ever call and talk to either one of them. I always thought that was so weird. I talk to my dad all the time. His mom always called us, but his dad never did.
As I stated in my first post, the most recent letter we got from his mom did nothing but rip my husband a new one for stupid crap. As he told her, no way would he come back to a family who felt like they did towards him. I will never understand it.
the example you state would seem a justified reason,once the child grows up to sever ties. Perhaps.
Did you read the post above and if so did you get any good reason the poster's husband stopped talking to his parents?
I just don't get it.
I've known people who forgave their parents for a LOT of things.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Metlakatla
Well...I've seen first hand some of these so called parents. When I worked at a shelter I literally had to fight one of them off her own kid.
I personally don't know anyone who has cut off ties with their parents without a lot of soul searching and have never heard anyone bragging about it, but then, I don't know everyone. Could be that it's a trend of sorts among some, I guess, but family ties usually prove to be stronger than trends in the long run.
the example you state would seem a justified reason,once the child grows up to sever ties. Perhaps. Did you read the post above and if so did you get any good reason the poster's husband stopped talking to his parents?
I just don't get it.
I've known people who forgave their parents for a LOT of things.
Yeah... I read it. From what the poster says their wasn't any real physical abuse but it sounds liike mental/emotional abuse was a factor. I can't imagine writing my son a letter ripping him.
I have a family member--not a parent--who seems to think that he can treat people as badly as he wants and we are just supposed to take it because he's family. If one of my parents acted that way they'd be out of my life too, as he is.
Maybe some younger people go through a thing where they separate from their parents a bit more than normal...and maybe there are some who have no real good reasons for doing so.
I'm not sure that's the norm though.
and your point...........is?
He doesn't speak to them--why?
You think your parents are the normal ones because they went out and had friends--what does that have to do with him not speaking to his parents for 5 years?
I don't get this at all either. Eccentricity or nosiness is a reason not to talk to one's parents. You can't put up with quirks because from what you write, nothing here is a biggie.
Yeah... I read it. From what the poster says their wasn't any real physical abuse but it sounds liike mental/emotional abuse was a factor. I can't imagine writing my son a letter ripping him.
I have a family member--not a parent--who seems to think that he can treat people as badly as he wants and we are just supposed to take it because he's family. If one of my parents acted that way they'd be out of my life too, as he is.
Maybe some younger people go through a thing where they separate from their parents a bit more than normal...and maybe there are some who have no real good reasons for doing so.
I'm not sure that's the norm though.
All we have is the poster's definition for "ripping." Nothing else she posted warrants estrangement.
I do not see it as a red flag if someone does not have a relationship with their parents. IMO sometimes there are adults still too involved with their parents and living their lives to please them. These people should not bother having a relationship. When you have a marriage it is about pleasing and living for your SPOUSE not your PARENTS. I repeat your SPOUSE is now priority not your PARENTS. Sometimes parents do not understand this concept and expect you to still be their child and obedient and follow their ways and that can destroy your marriage..... thus it is necessary to cut them out of your lives.
All we have is the poster's definition for "ripping." Nothing else she posted warrants estrangement.
Well, we can't exactly expect her to post the letter. And she did mention in a previous post that her husband had tried to make amends several years ago. Cutting off a family member isn't something I'm willing to be very judgemental about; I've had to do it myself and I don't think it's something that most people take lightly.
that's what I'm thinking too.
Their definition could be something very trivial.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Aylalou
All we have is the poster's definition for "ripping." Nothing else she posted warrants estrangement.
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) seem to be able to walk way so easily and not want to deal with and work through family issues. The older generation 50+ seem to have more respect and honor for the parents,regardless of what went on as a child. For all the times some of you have spent on here bellyaching about how dreadful your parents are, you could have been dealing with it directly with the parent or a therapist.
