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To Mooseketeer and Pigeohole ... I am just thoroughly fascinated by that kind of upbringing. Part of me has always wondered if it even exists outside of my imagination. One of those situations I don't know enough about to even have an intelligent question.
I guess it is just so foreign to most of us to grow up in a family where there's that special kind of pressure, not the one that us working class types had, to advance the family's social, educational and financial status almost at the sacrifice of all else. But I assume you had your own pressure, to not slip and lose ground, to choose a path that is acceptable in that rarified world, I just don't know, but I'd love to hear as much as either of you would care to share. Like always I'm sure many of the stereotypes run true, or they wouldn't be stereotypes; and then of course I'm picturing the renegade uncle or brother who couldn't/wouldn't fit in, who misspent his days drinking and womanizing and scandalizing himself and the family. But of course he had a heart of gold, the only one perhaps in your family ... I'm sure I'm way off, but I told you I knew nothing about it. One of you should start a thread. I doubt many of us of this board know anything about that life.
People always ask me if I miss the money and I always reply that when it comes with so many condtions and caveats it's not worth it.
generally speaking leaving that toxic environment was the best thing I ever did.
good point that moose and pigeon make
both my own family, and the family i married into (harsh, abusive, addictive) used money as a form of control, punishment, and "love."
yes, getting away from that rage and violence and toxic living, meant losing the money. When I began getting healthy and putting a stop to toxic behavior, it meant ending the marriage (and losing all that money), and my parents cut me off as well (and made a big hoo-hah of cutting me out of the will).
worth it? absolutely, hands-down, no doubt about it, no looking back. my peace, sanity, safety, health, and well-being are more valuable than any amount of money I walked away from.
Last edited by Tzaphkiel; 06-03-2009 at 09:00 AM..
the renegade uncle or brother who couldn't/wouldn't fit in, who misspent his days drinking and womanizing and scandalizing himself and the family. But of course he had a heart of gold, the only one perhaps in your family ...
Actually my late grandfather (my father's father), "Mr le Comte" as his butler called him, had a brother that I never met (died of a cirrhosis of the liver when I was an infant) who was an alcoholic and I was told he used to invite bums to have meals in my gandparents dining room (bristling with old furniture and with the pictures of the ancestors, and of, strangely, Westminster Abbey on the walls) who appreciated very moderately...
I have many other stories of course, but now it's the turn of Mosketeer (lol)....
I have shared a small amount of information about the relationship I have with my mother and it has never been easy. Last week, after 5+ years of not seeing one another (and living in the same city) we drove 11 hours in a car together to attend her fathers funeral...
The time, space and maturity we gained over the past 5 years helped tremendously. Somehow we focused on the important aspects of our trip, attempted to slowly reconnect on a very guarded level and perhaps, we will have a relationship one day.
Hanging on to the anger and pain took too much energy for me...
This post was not meant to negate anyone elses painful experiences...I completely understand the need for long term, if not permanent space and respect those of you who need the time to heal and protect yourselves...I hope there is peace in your decisions and a new sense of self.
the renegade uncle or brother who couldn't/wouldn't fit in, who misspent his days drinking and womanizing and scandalizing himself and the family. But of course he had a heart of gold, the only one perhaps in your family ...
Actually my late grandfather (my father's father), "Mr le Comte" as his butler called him, had a brother that I never met (died of a cirrhosis of the liver when I was an infant) who was an alcoholic and I was told he used to invite bums to have meals in my gandparents dining room (bristling with old furniture and with the pictures of the ancestors, and of, strangely, Westminster Abbey on the walls) who appreciated very moderately...
I have many other stories of course, but now it's the turn of Mosketeer (lol)....
I guess the luxury of idleness is part of that allure, right? Many of us have people like that in our families, but they usually bounce from job to job and beat their wives and kids. Not that we don't have wealth in America, but it is not old, relatively. This could be more of a European thing, right?
I guess the luxury of idleness is part of that allure, right?
Unfortunately I was born too late in the century to know that luxury, imagine, my father back in the fifties was the first generation in 2 centuries to have to actually work to earn a living, sometimes I think I missed something...
I have shared a small amount of information about the relationship I have with my mother and it has never been easy. Last week, after 5+ years of not seeing one another (and living in the same city) we drove 11 hours in a car together to attend her fathers funeral...
The time, space and maturity we gained over the past 5 years helped tremendously. Somehow we focused on the important aspects of our trip, attempted to slowly reconnect on a very guarded level and perhaps, we will have a relationship one day.
Hanging on to the anger and pain took too much energy for me...
This post was not meant to negate anyone elses painful experiences...I completely understand the need for long term, if not permanent space and respect those of you who need the time to heal and protect yourselves...I hope there is peace in your decisions and a new sense of self.
I am happy for you, and I don't mean to discount the reasons others have to not reconnect with a parent, either. I had a falling out with my father, I think for very good reason, and he died on me before we could reconcile, and while I was on the other side of the country. He always was a selfish b*stard ...
I am happy for you, and I don't mean to discount the reasons others have to not reconnect with a parent, either. I had a falling out with my father, I think for very good reason, and he died on me before we could reconcile, and while I was on the other side of the country. He always was a selfish b*stard ...
Thank you. We will see how it goes. There was a sense of freedom and strength being in the "drivers seat", so to speak...
I am so sorry about your father but we all make peace in different ways...you have yours, I'm sure.
I guess the luxury of idleness is part of that allure, right?
Unfortunately I was born too late in the century to know that luxury, imagine, my father back in the fifties was the first generation in 2 centuries to have to actually work to earn a living, sometimes I think I missed something...
I hear ya. That is pretty unreasonable, that he would have to actually work. But kidding aside, have you ever seen anything lacking in those that didn't? I may have, in some of the Hollywood brats I have known. Again, not old $, but they sure as hell didn't have to work, sure as hell were idle, did spend their days roaming from poolside to poolside, from dealer to dealer, but they were many of them, derelicts.
Thank you. We will see how it goes. There was a sense of freedom and strength being in the "drivers seat", so to speak...
I am so sorry about your father but we all make peace in different ways...you have yours, I'm sure.
I had to write about him to understand him. Now I think I do, and I have no more anger towards him, have much understanding and empathy. Like most of us, he meant well, and acted, when he had any forethought at all, in good conscience. I love him now. I miss him like crazy. There were a lot of times over the past twenty-some years I could have used a dad. He had it a lot rougher than I did.
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