People Who No Longer Talk To Parent(s) (wives, alcoholic, funeral)
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For those of you that raise an eyebrow to those of us who do not deal with our families, I have to tell you maybe thats the case because you haven't experienced some of the true hell the rest of us have.
One thing I will never do is allow someone to drag me through hell merely because of obligation.
My obligation is my daughter and my life. Thats where it ends and begins.
My life and that of my sister was threatened over Christmas when I was home visiting family. My brother actually came after us with a loaded shotgun. If you haven't lived that kind of thing then you really don't get it.
When I look at people who are too weak to throw out the trash and move on, I run in the opposite direction. Life is short and there is NO reason to let these people harm you. I for one don't like being abused, verbally and physically. If you guys like it then have at it but I won't join in.
Me too; that's why I gotta wonder about the letter that was mentioned. It made me think of a guy I know whose mother wrote him one insane rant after another; the whole situation was very difficult and painful for him.
My sister does this too me and anyone else who happens to be in her cross hares. She is hyper verbal on the phone, she calls in the evening to spew her emotional vomit AND writes emails and more emails and more emails with no regard to the effect they have on the person receiving them.
She has done this too me when she knew I was at work, when she knew I was at school, when she knows I always have a hard time sleeping. I have gotten good at just not reading them. Turning off the answering machine and not answering the phone, thank goodness for caller ID.
I had to cut my mother out of my life after a crazy family event happened and she did a complete 180 on me. I have no idea of who this woman is now. I can only blame it on her lung cancer and maybe some treatments have gone to her head literally.
It was destroying my relationship with my bf of 5 years and I just couldn't do it anymore. He completely supports me as he's seen what I've gone through
I have a brother who does nothing but slam my mother yet lives on her property, raids her refrigerator, bootlegs her electricity...that's why I have a hard time buying this stuff about how people who cut their parents off are spoiled brats et al. Because I think the spoiled brats out there usually come around when they hear the sound of the dinner bell, so to speak.
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For those of you that raise an eyebrow to those of us who do not deal with our families, I have to tell you maybe thats the case because you haven't experienced some of the true hell the rest of us have.
You're absolutely right here. My family is only mildly dysfunctional and for the most part we've worked it out as adults, but I've seen enough to be able to understand why someone would cut off a family member.
And I think that often it happens when people have children of their own. I really applaud those who decide to break the cycles of abuse/addiction.
For those of you that raise an eyebrow to those of us who do not deal with our families, I have to tell you maybe thats the case because you haven't experienced some of the true hell the rest of us have.
One thing I will never do is allow someone to drag me through hell merely because of obligation.
My obligation is my daughter and my life. Thats where it ends and begins.
My life and that of my sister was threatened over Christmas when I was home visiting family. My brother actually came after us with a loaded shotgun. If you haven't lived that kind of thing then you really don't get it.
When I look at people who are too weak to throw out the trash and move on, I run in the opposite direction. Life is short and there is NO reason to let these people harm you. I for one don't like being abused, verbally and physically. If you guys like it then have at it but I won't join in.
I completely agree with you . Some people have no idea about the abuse out there whether physical or psychological that some people endure for years from their families.
As far as I am concerned my family are human beings first. The fact we are blood related does not give them the right to treat me like dirt and I don't have to put up with it to satisfy some societal expectation of families being so important.
Parents are flesh and blood like anyone else and should be treated exactly the same. Having given birth to someone does not give you a right of life and death over your kids.
My family now is those I choose to be that. People I love and respect and people who do likewise.
Respect is earned n and goes both ways and not a god given right.
Most of you whiney, woe is me, spoiled brats on here probably didn't get enough discipline as children.
Hmmm. Whiney, spoiled brat. That's what mom used to say.
My scars tell a different story.
In the end, she's getting what she deserves. She is not even 60 yet, lives in nursing home, gets visitors rarely and sits around watching reality shows all day long.
Funny, Mooseketeer , coming from "old money" too, I can find many similarities in what you're describing of your family life, except that being a boy, I didn't develop the hatred for my mother you seem to have for yours although at times she really got on my nerves, I still see her from time to time-although I can't say I'm that close- (she had also her ...shortcomings let's say, but all in all is a more pleasant if somewhat more extravagant character than my father, and contrary to him she is broke-so not interested in money-and not cynical and contemptuous like him)
Funny, Mooseketeer , coming from "old money" too, I can find many similarities in what you're describing of your family life, except that being a boy, I didn't develop the hatred for my mother you seem to have for yours although at times she really got on my nerves, I still see her from time to time-although I can't say I'm that close- (she had also her ...shortcomings let's say, but all in all is a more pleasant if somewhat more extravagant character than my father, and contrary to him she is broke-so not interested in money-and not cynical and contemptuous like him)
Yep my family was very "Vieille France" ( call it "Vieux Regime" and be done with it !) and I had even been lined for some guy with a title ( amazing we had a revolution because in some circles you really wouldn't know it ! ) and I was supposed to get a degree in medicine or law and of course give that up after the "royal wedding" to breed another generation of little 16eme arrondissment little darlings... All would have worn "Petit Bateau" clothes and we would have holidayed in our family pied a terre little Chateau in Provence .
I would have read the Contesse de Segur's books to my little girl and been a staunch supporter of local charities but in a somewhat patronising manner... Autumn would have been spent hunting in a friend's hunting lodge in the Ardennes etc.. Ah what a perfect life I missed...
My father is mostly stubborn and proud and I believe deep down he did genuinely believe his distorted expectations for my life were well meant in a twisted sort of a way.
My mother however.... I can't think of anything nice to say about her. Well she's quite pretty and extremely well groomed if that counts ! Character-wise she would make an excellent Disney villain, I would not be surprised if she wore coats of Puppy-Fur ( as long as it's extremely expensive and designer of course). The woman should have snob tattoed on her forehead.
People always ask me if I miss the money and I always reply that when it comes with so many condtions and caveats it's not worth it. Money can make life easier but sometimes it simply makes it a lot more messy too.
I do miss some aspect of my old life but generally speaking leaving that toxic environment was the best thing I ever did.
I must admit I still enjoy Polo and Opera though ! You can't take all the BCBG out of the girl , in the end some of it does stick. And I still favour Navy as a colour and love my Pearls. How terribly cliche I know.
Mommie Dearest could almost be proud. But not quite.
I have a brother who does nothing but slam my mother yet lives on her property, raids her refrigerator, bootlegs her electricity...that's why I have a hard time buying this stuff about how people who cut their parents off are spoiled brats et al. Because I think the spoiled brats out there usually come around when they hear the sound of the dinner bell, so to speak.
I don't know your brother but I've known people like him who cut their parents off forever after their parents told them to grow up and find another place to stay. This is the type of person I am talking about - the bratty ones who cut their parents off when their sense of entitlement was no longer accepted thereby allowing themselves to think they are the injured party!
Your mother indulges him, and, yes, you can blame your brother as you should, but your mother is a strong enabler, allowing this kind of crap.
People always ask me if I miss the money and I always reply that when it comes with so many condtions and caveats it's not worth it
Exactly what I'm thinking.
My father's family was old nobility from 16th district, the funny side of their snobishness though was their pronounced Anglomania but fortunately my mother was not like them (more in the artisty circles) so I escaped the rallies , the raoûts and wearing ugly blazers and Weston shoes and grew long hair smoked pot became a leftist traveled to the STATES
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) and I was supposed to get a degree in medicine or law and of course give that up after the "royal wedding" to breed another generation of little 16eme arrondissment little darlings... All would have worn "Petit Bateau" clothes and we would have holidayed in our family pied a terre little Chateau in Provence . 
You can't take all the BCBG out of the girl , in the end some of it does stick. And I still favour Navy as a colour and love my Pearls. How terribly cliche I know. 
