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You are one guy, acting like a jerk and treating people badly, and thinking that you operate for the greater good of something. You don't.
It's a shame that you think being a jerk is helping and not just singling you out as some weirdo to be avoided.
Feel free to avoid me. But you're right, I won't make much difference on my own.
I'm a member of several manosphere blogs, maybe I can suggest that guys start blowing out a few females and getting it on film. That would be hilarious!
Or maybe when us guys catch a female surreptitiously taking a look at us when we're out socializing, get it on camera having the guy walk over to her and dress her down for being a "creeper" and making him uncomfortable with her inappropriate staring.
This sounds insane! It's supposed to be fun, not work. How do they "make you work"? What is that about? How can anyone "make" you do anything? And why do you keep running into women who are all the same? This is crazy.
It's actually pretty standard for men. Of course, nobody makes/forces us to do anything, but our options immediately become neutered if we don't adhere to certain expectations, which is what we would refer to as "work". Those expectations are higher with some women than others, but always exist in some form or another.
It could be compared to things that women are not made/forced to do, but consider themselves handicapped if they don't....say, for example, wearing uncomfortable clothing/shoes or having to wear makeup.
Seriously, Ruth, how old are you? All of your advice and perception of the dating scene seems to be 30 years old, at minimum.
Here's an example:
I live in the country, near a small town. I hang out at a particular restaurant in town that has a lounge and good food. I maybe go there once a week to have some dinner and a few beers. The owner of the restaurant is a married female around my age, who had a friend who was single. I knew who the friend was because she hangs out there, too, and we would chit chat on the occasions that we were there at the same time. So the restaurant owner sets us up.
A little background: I'm 34, she's 27. So far, so good. She has a 2-year degree, a so so quasi-professional job and lives with her parents. I imagine she makes about half of what I do. She is average, at best in the looks department. There is truly nothing that special about this girl.
We go out twice, and I was actually in a pretty good frame of mind about it. She's pretty bright and witty, we have good banter. We're talking a fair amount and texting regularly. We talk about relationships, we talk about sex.....etc. etc. etc.
Fast forward to a conversation we were having, and out of the blue she comes out with a laundry list of things I'm going to have to do and/or change in order to be with her. Now, keep in mind, we haven't so much as kissed. I push back during the conversation and basically tell her that I already have a boss, and a mother, and that I don't need another one of either. She gets snarky and I cut off the conversation.
Naturally, I drop her like a hot rock and never contact her again, delete her number. She never contacts me either.
I go into the restaurant some time later and the owner asks me what happened, tells me that her friend is upset and that I just dropped her and never talked to her again for no reason, wants to know why I didn't call. Keep in mind, this is over a month later and I don't have the girl's number anymore.
So even though the girl still had my number, and could have contacted me at any time, she instructs her friend, the restaurant owner, to give me her number again and encourage me to call. I politely took the number and never called her again.
Basically, this woman wanted me to capitulate to her terms, play her stupid games, and jump through her ridiculous hoops just to casually date her. And this woman is not a standout, don't get me wrong, she's not bad but she's average in every way, acting like a supermodel or some hot commodity that is to be obeyed and doggedly pursued.
No thanks.
You did the right thing--you walked. Why stew over it? Except that the restaurant owner threw it in your face again. But something like that happens, you move on to the next opportunity, you don't stew endlessly over it and post on the internet about it. Good for you, though, for giving her a chance and recognizing (in the beginning) that she was bright and witty. Too bad it didn't work out, but that's all that happened; it didn't work out. MOST dating attempts don't, because it's hard to find a good match. You just keep moving until you do find one. Or you take a break.
No one said life or dating is a walk in the park. It's hard to find someone you click with, and even if you click at first, it still doesn't work out.
And my comments, btw, were addressed to weezer's situation. I didn't know the context, he did a good job of summing it up. Sounds like he's spinning his wheels. Sounds like he needs to relocate to a more potentially productive environment.
I'm not that type of guy. I'm a go getter when it's me personally and I'm up for another promotion at my job and a title change. As miserable as dating is for me, my job outlook is AWESOME! For what I don't get in dating, I make up for with employment. It's making the best of a not so bright situation. Plus, I love where I live, I just don't click with a lot of the women. It will happen sooner or later, but if it doesn't, I'll have some stellar retirement built up to where I can do whatever I want to do. Employment is more important to me than dating, even though dating is frustrating.
Good for you on the job front! Not a lot of guys are having that good of outcomes these days.
Count your blessings, save your money and don't give it away to a woman. Live frugally.
I live in the country, near a small town. I hang out at a particular restaurant in town that has a lounge and good food. I maybe go there once a week to have some dinner and a few beers. The owner of the restaurant is a married female around my age, who had a friend who was single. I knew who the friend was because she hangs out there, too, and we would chit chat on the occasions that we were there at the same time. So the restaurant owner sets us up.
A little background: I'm 34, she's 27. So far, so good. She has a 2-year degree, a so so quasi-professional job and lives with her parents. I imagine she makes about half of what I do. She is average, at best in the looks department. There is truly nothing that special about this girl.
We go out twice, and I was actually in a pretty good frame of mind about it. She's pretty bright and witty, we have good banter. We're talking a fair amount and texting regularly. We talk about relationships, we talk about sex.....etc. etc. etc.
Fast forward to a conversation we were having, and out of the blue she comes out with a laundry list of things I'm going to have to do and/or change in order to be with her. Now, keep in mind, we haven't so much as kissed.I push back during the conversation and basically tell her that I already have a boss, and a mother, and that I don't need another one of either. She gets snarky and I cut off the conversation.
Naturally, I drop her like a hot rock and never contact her again, delete her number. She never contacts me either.
I go into the restaurant some time later and the owner asks me what happened, tells me that her friend is upset and that I just dropped her and never talked to her again for no reason, wants to know why I didn't call. Keep in mind, this is over a month later and I don't have the girl's number anymore.
So even though the girl still had my number, and could have contacted me at any time, she instructs her friend, the restaurant owner, to give me her number again and encourage me to call. I politely took the number and never called her again.
I can't even DESCRIBE how often this happens. The silliest part is that after the underlined takes place, that's generally a good sign that "we're done here". You're not into her, she's not into you, it's all good...you're not on the same page. Move on to the next one, right?
But instead, the woman will be all confused, wondering what happened, why you didn't call her. Really? She's genuinely surprised??
You did the right thing--you walked. Why stew over it? Except that the restaurant owner threw it in your face again. But something like that happens, you move on to the next opportunity, you don't stew endlessly over it and post on the internet about it. Good for you, though, for giving her a chance and recognizing (in the beginning) that she was bright and witty. Too bad it didn't work out, but that's all that happened; it didn't work out. MOST dating attempts don't, because it's hard to find a good match. You just keep moving until you do find one. Or you take a break.
No one said life or dating is a walk in the park.
And my comments, btw. were addressed to weezer's situation. I didn't know the context, he did a good job of summing it up. Sounds like he's spinning his wheels. Sounds like he needs to relocate to a more potentially productive environment.
I'm not stewing over it, I was just giving you an example because you had asked what all this "work" is that women make a guy put in. This was the most recent example I could come up with from my own experience.
The thing that galls me about it, though, is that this woman was just nothing special at all. Just your average girl. Not don't take that the wrong way, I'm just your average guy, but she acted like she was some kind of hottie to be fawned over and worshipped.
This is not uncommon, a lot of very average women act this way these days, and I'm sure many guys on this board could attest to it.
I can't even DESCRIBE how often this happens. The silliest part is that after the underlined takes place, that's generally a good sign that "we're done here". You're not into her, she's not into you, it's all good...you're not on the same page. Move on to the next one, right?
But instead, the woman will be all confused, wondering what happened, why you didn't call her. Really? She's genuinely surprised??
YES YES YES!
Her last statement on the referenced conversation was, "Obviously, I'm not the right girl for you."
So I stopped talking to her, and SHE DOESN'T GET WHAT HAPPENED?!?!?! WTF??!?!
EDIT: But the best part of the conversation was that, at the time, I was actually considering a few different ladies. When it rains, it pours, I guess and I actually had 3 different women interested.
When she started making all of her demands, I asked her, "Do you think you're my only option??" Oooooh her reaction to that was priceless. That knocked her off the pedestal, for sure.
Here's the thing...what you and other folks here don't understand about me is that I know exactly what it takes to get the type of woman I want. I've done it before, and I could do it again. I could start tomorrow and have myself whipped into shape in 30 days.
The thing is, though, I don't want to anymore. In today's dating climate, as a man, the amount of effort you have to put in vs. what you get out has just gotten skewed so far that it's not worth doing anymore.
You've had to put in too much effort.... by asking out one woman in 3 years? Or was it 6 years? That became a relationship? Yeah, she turned out to be a jerk... but really that's on you too. Your observations seem more like Ray Finkle's Theories.... as there hasn't been too much actual dating going on.
If you really, really didn't want to I would think you would stop talking about it ad nauseam. There are whole laundry lists of things I don't care about. You know how you can tell I don't care about them? I NEVER waste any time and effort talking about them. I DO talk about things I care about. Go figure.
Trust me, on the other side of the dating fence are a plethora of guys with various emotional, sexual and general mental disorders. As bad as it is being a man dating, it's just as bad for women, but different. /lol
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Her last statement on the referenced conversation was, "Obviously, I'm not the right girl for you."
So I stopped talking to her, and SHE DOESN'T GET WHAT HAPPENED?!?!?! WTF??!?!
Yeah, that makes no sense at all. And it was only 2 dates, right? So if after 2 dates the guy doesn't call, you just figure it didn't work out. You don't make a big thing out of it.
I'm not stewing over it, I was just giving you an example because you had asked what all this "work" is that women make a guy put in. This was the most recent example I could come up with from my own experience.
ok, I get it--the laundry list. That's what you meant by "work"? That's nonsense.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ray_Finkle;
The thing that galls me about it, though, is that this woman was just nothing special at all. Just your average girl. Not don't take that the wrong way, I'm just your average guy, but she acted like she was some kind of hottie to be fawned over and worshipped.
This is not uncommon, a lot of very average women act this way these days, and I'm sure many guys on this board could attest to it.
You sound as though you feel that if she had been a real looker, it would have been ok that she had a laundry list of hoops for you to jump through. Wrong--still wouldn't have been OK.
I can see how that would be exhausting, but it just boils down (like that woman you mentioned said) to whether or not it's enough of a good match to continue. It wasn't. Often it isn't. A ton of weeding and sifting needs to take place to find a good person. It takes a lot of patience. If you get fed up, you quit for awhile. Don't let it get to you, Ray.
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As bad as it is being a man dating, it's just as bad for women, but different. /lol
