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Oh for gosh sakes, grow up. In general I agree with you that when speaking in a broad context women have it easier in dating. Some women have it easier than others, some MEN have it easier than some women....
Thus is all of life, in all scenarios, with both genders, and all races. No one was guaranteed fairness in all things in life.
Part of adulthood is understanding that and handling it with grace.
Here's the thing...what you and other folks here don't understand about me is that I know exactly what it takes to get the type of woman I want. I've done it before, and I could do it again. I could start tomorrow and have myself whipped into shape in 30 days.
The thing is, though, I don't want to anymore. In today's dating climate, as a man, the amount of effort you have to put in vs. what you get out has just gotten skewed so far that it's not worth doing anymore.
Here's the thing...what you and other folks here don't understand about me is that I know exactly what it takes to get the type of woman I want. I've done it before, and I could do it again. I could start tomorrow and have myself whipped into shape in 30 days.
The thing is, though, I don't want to anymore. In today's dating climate, as a man, the amount of effort you have to put in vs. what you get out has just gotten skewed so far that it's not worth doing anymore.
I can agree with you with the bold section, but it is what it is. You just have to find the woman who doesn't make you put in all that work. I've been dating seriously for over a year, and I've met my share of women who really just want to make you work. They are only making you work, because they didn't make the last guy(s) work, and they got discouraged because the guy used them. It's a stupid game, when in reality, I had to accept that those women are just attracted to guys who treat them poorly. I can't change that, but keep weeding through till a woman sees me for my quality without playing games.
So you would do that to someone who showed genuine interest, just to prove some sort of point, even though *I* and many, many, many other women (especially those of us who are shy/socially awkward) have never gone "nuclear" on a man showing interest in us?
And this helps you with women......how?
Yes, I would do that, and if the correct situation comes up, I think I will do just that.
And don't pretend like you're innocent, either. I'm sure you've sat around with your gf's and joined in on making fun of some dude who tried to approach you or them.
Also, you're operating under the assumption that I want "help" with women, when I don't.
The way I see it is this....
The way the current dating ritual is so out of whack and skewed in favor of women, there's only a few things a guy can do.
1. Accept it and play the game.
2. Accept it and don't play the game.
3. Wait for things to change.
4. Actively try to produce chaos and anarchy in the game, thereby hoping to help things into "collapse" (as another poster put it earlier).
I can agree with you with the bold section, but it is what it is. You just have to find the woman who doesn't make you put in all that work. I've been dating seriously for over a year, and I've met my share of women who really just want to make you work. They are only making you work, because they didn't make the last guy(s) work, and they got discouraged because the guy used them. It's a stupid game, when in reality, I had to accept that those women are just attracted to guys who treat them poorly. I can't change that, but keep weeding through till a woman sees me for my quality without playing games.
This sounds insane! It's supposed to be fun, not work. How do they "make you work"? What is that about? How can anyone "make" you do anything? And why do you keep running into women who are all the same? This is crazy.
Yes, I would do that, and if the correct situation comes up, I think I will do just that.
And don't pretend like you're innocent, either. I'm sure you've sat around with your gf's and joined in on making fun of some dude who tried to approach you or them.
Also, you're operating under the assumption that I want "help" with women, when I don't.
The way I see it is this....
The way the current dating ritual is so out of whack and skewed in favor of women, there's only a few things a guy can do.
1. Accept it and play the game.
2. Accept it and don't play the game.
3. Wait for things to change.
4. Actively try to produce chaos and anarchy in the game, thereby hoping to help things into "collapse" (as another poster put it earlier).
I'm choosing option 4.
You are one guy, acting like a jerk and treating people badly, and thinking that you operate for the greater good of something. You don't.
It's a shame that you think being a jerk is helping and not just singling you out as some weirdo to be avoided.
This sounds insane! It's supposed to be fun, not work. How do they "make you work"? What is that about? How can anyone "make" you do anything? And why do you keep running into women who are all the same? This is crazy.
Because that's what's available. I'm not getting in relationships with these women. Most of them don't even end up with a date, or more than one date. What I've stated is that my area is more broken than other areas. Clearly, there's not a high population of 30 year old, never married, and single people. Even the women I'm friends with, that are like myself, are pretty picky as well. We've had extensive talks about it, and even they have stated they don't want to tolerate someone else's kids. It's never been their dream.
Work for me has been talking for a couple of weeks, putting in "work" to go out on a date. They want to keep it online, so I say it was nice talking to them, but I don't want a penpal. I'm sharing my experience in online dating, when I never dated in the past. Part of my problem is I'm a black male on an online dating website that is dominated by many countryish white women. Parents may not be all that fond of interracial dating, even though they may be okay with it. I can't change someone's feelings on that if they don't want to disappoint their parents. Also, I'm just not interesting enough for them, which is ok too. I've admitted that my profile is not very flashy and is to the point of what I'm looking for.
I've had my share of conversations with women online, who were talking and dating multiple people. I'm a person who just doesn't compete well in that environment. I can admit that and it's because I don't want to compete for someone's affection. They either want to try and get to know me and drop everyone else, or I rather just keep doing my own thing. Most people generally know their interest level on the first date with someone. For me, I wasn't interesting enough on the dates I've went on and I'm okay with that.
I can be honest with myself and my shortcomings. Just need to meet the woman who sees my shortcomings as high attributes for her. So far, that hasn't happened.
Because that's what's available. I'm not getting in relationships with these women. Most of them don't even end up with a date, or more than one date. What I've stated is that my area is more broken than other areas. Clearly, there's not a high population of 30 year old, never married, and single people. Even the women I'm friends with, that are like myself, are pretty picky as well. We've had extensive talks about it, and even they have stated they don't want to tolerate someone else's kids. It's never been their dream.
Work for me has been talking for a couple of weeks, putting in "work" to go out on a date. They want to keep it online, so I say it was nice talking to them, but I don't want a penpal. I'm sharing my experience in online dating, when I never dated in the past. Part of my problem is I'm a black male on an online dating website that is dominated by many countryish white women. Parents may not be all that fond of interracial dating, even though they may be okay with it. I can't change someone's feelings on that if they don't want to disappoint their parents. Also, I'm just not interesting enough for them, which is ok too. I've admitted that my profile is not very flashy and is to the point of what I'm looking for.
I've had my share of conversations with women online, who were talking and dating multiple people. I'm a person who just doesn't compete well in that environment. I can admit that and it's because I don't want to compete for someone's affection. They either want to try and get to know me and drop everyone else, or I rather just keep doing my own thing. Most people generally know their interest level on the first date with someone. For me, I wasn't interesting enough on the dates I've went on and I'm okay with that.
I can be honest with myself and my shortcomings. Just need to meet the woman who sees my shortcomings as high attributes for her. So far, that hasn't happened.
It sounds miserable. If you can relocate to a better place, you should do that, and get the he11 out of Dodge. Try Berkeley, CA.
This sounds insane! It's supposed to be fun, not work. How do they "make you work"? What is that about? How can anyone "make" you do anything? And why do you keep running into women who are all the same? This is crazy.
Seriously, Ruth, how old are you? All of your advice and perception of the dating scene seems to be 30 years old, at minimum.
Here's an example:
I live in the country, near a small town. I hang out at a particular restaurant in town that has a lounge and good food. I maybe go there once a week to have some dinner and a few beers. The owner of the restaurant is a married female around my age, who had a friend who was single. I knew who the friend was because she hangs out there, too, and we would chit chat on the occasions that we were there at the same time. So the restaurant owner sets us up.
A little background: I'm 34, she's 27. So far, so good. She has a 2-year degree, a so so quasi-professional job and lives with her parents. I imagine she makes about half of what I do. She is average, at best in the looks department. There is truly nothing that special about this girl.
We go out twice, and I was actually in a pretty good frame of mind about it. She's pretty bright and witty, we have good banter. We're talking a fair amount and texting regularly. We talk about relationships, we talk about sex.....etc. etc. etc.
Fast forward to a conversation we were having, and out of the blue she comes out with a laundry list of things I'm going to have to do and/or change in order to be with her. Now, keep in mind, we haven't so much as kissed. I push back during the conversation and basically tell her that I already have a boss, and a mother, and that I don't need another one of either. She gets snarky and I cut off the conversation.
Naturally, I drop her like a hot rock and never contact her again, delete her number. She never contacts me either.
I go into the restaurant some time later and the owner asks me what happened, tells me that her friend is upset and that I just dropped her and never talked to her again for no reason, wants to know why I didn't call. Keep in mind, this is over a month later and I don't have the girl's number anymore.
So even though the girl still had my number, and could have contacted me at any time, she instructs her friend, the restaurant owner, to give me her number again and encourage me to call. I politely took the number and never called her again.
Basically, this woman wanted me to capitulate to her terms, play her stupid games, and jump through her ridiculous hoops just to casually date her. And this woman is not a standout, don't get me wrong, she's not bad but she's average in every way, acting like a supermodel or some hot commodity that is to be obeyed and doggedly pursued.
It sounds miserable. If you can relocate to a better place, you should do that, and get the he11 out of Dodge. Try Berkeley, CA.
I'm not that type of guy. I'm a go getter when it's me personally and I'm up for another promotion at my job and a title change. As miserable as dating is for me, my job outlook is AWESOME! For what I don't get in dating, I make up for with employment. It's making the best of a not so bright situation. Plus, I love where I live, I just don't click with a lot of the women. It will happen sooner or later, but if it doesn't, I'll have some stellar retirement built up to where I can do whatever I want to do. Employment is more important to me than dating, even though dating is frustrating.
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