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These sorts of experiments, or at least, attempts to view how the "other side" has it, are simply awesome. Most men and women know shockingly little about one another, so any attempt to seriously learn otherwise is a step in the right direction, if only for ones own personal knowledge. At a party recently, some friends of mine were talking amongst ourselves and a hypothetical topic/scenario came up that was loosely related to this thread. (loosely, so bear with me!)
The question was as follows: "If a man asked 100 women, point blank, if they'd be willing to have sex with him right then, how many would say yes?"
And before the massive influx of "it depends on...." responses would come in, you had to make some very general assumptions: the guy is average in all respects, approaches women all over the spectrum, all the women are available and in an environment where they'd be open to meeting people, etc.
Suffice to say, most (and at this particular gathering, ALL) women GROSSLY misunderstand men's success rates. Like, laughably so
This wasn't to argue the merit of men's approach methods, or the differences in what the genders want or a great debate of any kind. Simply that most of us don't know what it's like on the other side of the fence.
The thing is - stereotypically, men are looking for sex and women are looking for love. So, while having a one night stand might be easier for a woman - if what she's actually looking for is love - a one night stand is not going to be that fulfilling for her. Likewise, if all a man is looking for is a one night stand - having a woman fall in love with him might not be that great for him. So while a woman can go up to a bunch of men and have them agree to have sex with her on the spot - that doesn't mean that things are "easier" for her if that's not what she is looking for. And if that's not what she is actually looking for - then her "success rate" is not very high.
As for the stereotypes - most of the people that are in my social circle were looking for relationships (men and women) and most of them are in good ones. I never had problems in love and neither did my husband - so while I'm might not understand ALL men - I understand MY man - and that's what's really important to me.
The thing is - stereotypically, men are looking for sex and women are looking for love. So, while having a one night stand might be easier for a woman - if what she's actually looking for is love - a one night stand is not going to be that fulfilling for her. Likewise, if all a man is looking for is a one night stand - having a woman fall in love with him might not be that great for him. So while a woman can go up to a bunch of men and have them agree to have sex with her on the spot - that doesn't mean that things are "easier" for her if that's not what she is looking for. And if that's not what she is actually looking for - then her "success rate" is not very high.
As for the stereotypes - most of the people that are in my social circle were looking for relationships (men and women) and most of them are in good ones. I never had problems in love and neither did my husband - so while I'm might not understand ALL men - I understand MY man - and that's what's really important to me.
That's why I said that the question wasn't proposed to debate the merits of what either gender is looking for...we know those are different. The purpose was to divine each gender's misunderstanding of one another, and it worked. Because regardless of what either gender actually wanted, most women in this case believed that men would have a higher success rate than they actually do. (in this case, women think it's easier for men to get laid than it actually is)
I'm sure if there was an equivalent study on things that women found difficult and men found easy, that men would have a similar misunderstanding.
The thing is - stereotypically, men are looking for sex and women are looking for love. So, while having a one night stand might be easier for a woman - if what she's actually looking for is love - a one night stand is not going to be that fulfilling for her. Likewise, if all a man is looking for is a one night stand - having a woman fall in love with him might not be that great for him. So while a woman can go up to a bunch of men and have them agree to have sex with her on the spot - that doesn't mean that things are "easier" for her if that's not what she is looking for. And if that's not what she is actually looking for - then her "success rate" is not very high.
As for the stereotypes - most of the people that are in my social circle were looking for relationships (men and women) and most of them are in good ones. I never had problems in love and neither did my husband - so while I'm might not understand ALL men - I understand MY man - and that's what's really important to me.
I've seen the bolded argument umpteen times on this forum, and it's as wrong this time as it's ever been.
All of these transactions begin with interest and attraction--no matter what either gender is looking to get out of it.
The fact is, women have it much easier in generating the interest and attraction of men than the other way around. Period.
Whatever one decides to do with that interest and attraction--whether a one nighter or a fulfilling lifelong relationship--is up to the individual.
It's not particularly baffling why a woman would be more hesitant to accept sex from a rando than a man would. We get pregnant while you can disappear. You give us STDs more easily than the other way around. You are usually stronger than we are and could probably overpower us if you wanted to. It's more likely that you'll be done in five minutes while we are just getting started. All in all, rando sex is a crapshoot at best for women. For guys, hey, it's a warm hole and you can ghost.
I have an idea, I've heard so many guys on here talk about how women never do the approaching, I'm going to try it out...for the rest of the month, every time I see a guy who I feel is attractive - I'm going to walk up to them and tell them so. I'm going to
If they are with another woman I will compliment her on her good taste in men.
Then I'm going to report back to CD with the results...that will be March the 18th.
How many think that the guys will look at me like I just stepped off a spaceship?
How many think the guys will laugh in my face and walk away?
How many will get out a peice of paper and a pen and start exchanging phone numbers?
How many of them with women, will the woman present slap me?
To make it a real experiment, lets say I have to go for a quota of 25 guys total...
Ready, set.... GO
I had a couple ladies compliment me on my clothing in which I had no attraction to at all. Course, I'm married so it didn't matter.
However, if I was single and I was semi-attracted to you it would open the door for a conversation. So, I think women who step out there to do an experiment like this can be successful IMO.
It's not particularly baffling why a woman would be more hesitant to accept sex from a rando than a man would. We get pregnant while you can disappear. You give us STDs more easily than the other way around. You are usually stronger than we are and could probably overpower us if you wanted to. It's more likely that you'll be done in five minutes while we are just getting started. All in all, rando sex is a crapshoot at best for women. For guys, hey, it's a warm hole and you can ghost.
Did you hear that? It was the point sailing over your head.
I've seen the bolded argument umpteen times on this forum, and it's as wrong this time as it's ever been.
All of these transactions begin with interest and attraction--no matter what either gender is looking to get out of it.
The fact is, women have it much easier in generating the interest and attraction of men than the other way around. Period.
Whatever one decides to do with that interest and attraction--whether a one nighter or a fulfilling lifelong relationship--is up to the individual.
Getting a little off topic, so if anyone else wants to discuss this, I'm happy to go to DM with it.
But to address this: One could argue that it is easier for women to generate the interest and attraction of men (which I genuinely believe to be true), but it's easier for men to maintain the interest and attraction of women longer term (which I also believe to be true).
So while men get the sharp end of the stick on initial engagement (constant rejection, etc.), consider that women will go through a cycle of relationships where the guy leaves after having sex with her. For a woman who's actively seeking a long term relationship, that can be frustrating as well, because it's "wasting time". A guy who gets rejected loses maybe an evening (and probably some money). A woman who is rejected for a relationship loses maybe a few weeks.
Again, I'm just playing the role of devil's advocate here. I'm a firm believe that men and women have things "differently equal", so to speak.
I've seen the bolded argument umpteen times on this forum, and it's as wrong this time as it's ever been.
All of these transactions begin with interest and attraction--no matter what either gender is looking to get out of it.
The fact is, women have it much easier in generating the interest and attraction of men than the other way around. Period.
Whatever one decides to do with that interest and attraction--whether a one nighter or a fulfilling lifelong relationship--is up to the individual.
Actually, I don't think that men or women have it easier or harder. I think it all comes down to the individual. There are many individuals that have it easier - regardless of gender, and many individuals who have it harder - regardless of gender. You seem to fall into the harder category - but it's not because of your gender.
Quote:
Originally Posted by JustJulia
It's not particularly baffling why a woman would be more hesitant to accept sex from a rando than a man would. We get pregnant while you can disappear. You give us STDs more easily than the other way around. You are usually stronger than we are and could probably overpower us if you wanted to. It's more likely that you'll be done in five minutes while we are just getting started. All in all, rando sex is a crapshoot at best for women. For guys, hey, it's a warm hole and you can ghost.
Did you hear that? It was the point sailing over your head.
I'm sorry, I didn't realize you and I were having a conversation. You haven't approached women in several years, right? You refuse to try because you're convinced you'll fail, so it seems to me there's no reasoning with you.
Oh wait ... are you the 50-year-old who wants a 20-year-old prude for training and bondage sexcapades? That's just a big bundle of cognitive dissonance right there.
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