Making friends in the Twin Cities (Minneapolis, St. Paul: live, assess, cabin)

[Umbria]

I'm a MN native and from what I have experienced, age is the key factor in my life in meeting new people. When I was younger, and yes, working (this is another factor), I had more friends than time - friends from many different places. Their original location didn't play into it at all. But, once people retire, they move on - for family, for retirement locations, for many reasons. Then finding new people gets tough - why? I really don't know, but, I'm not sure it's MN - it just may be a combination of the issues I previously mentioned (age, no job) or people may just change as they get older - get more specific about the type of people they want to associate with, having dealt with most types throughout life. It's a complicated issue, but I don't think it's just a MN issue (I'm not one to defend MN at any cost - MN has lots of warts).

Ayla, I always heard about the PNW "freeze" - read up on it in the OR and WA threads. I do believe that if you visit somewhere and get that sense of "home" or comfort, that is a big clue. I felt that way when I moved to Denver (for a couple years only, not long enough). I never had a day of homesickness - I felt that I had arrived, which is why I will probably end up there again one of these days. But, it really isn't all that different from MN (except weather) so that was probably one reason. Follow your heart............

But, back to topic - MN may be a touch "offish" but we are becoming a melting pot, just like everywhere else.

[Aylalou]

Hi MN

You can be sure I've done much research on the WA and OR forums and elsewhere, plus having visited many summers in both Oregon and Washington, and though I love Washington State, for me it's a more personal friendship I have with Portland. I guess the lesson is one has to be there and see for oneself. People look for different things. And thank you for reiterating how we all should follow our hearts - you never really go wrong.

[Aylalou]

Originally Posted by uptown_urbanist

I think significant others absolutely count as a "best friend." (perhaps a misleading phrase, as I think your "closest friend" explains it better) I think your goals sound very reasonable. And although I know it varies by program, department, and specific circumstances, my closest friends (after my husband) are from graduate school. I don't think you're going to have problems meeting enough people to feel part of the community, and I'm sure you'll meet a few people who will continue to remain a part of your life for years to come, wherever you end up living in the future.

Urbanist is right: I am sure you will make friends and meet people at any university or college that you will attend and maintain some, if not all, of those friendships. Good luck to you!

[lost in minnesota]

I know I am a month behind, but if anyone is searching blogs like I was I would like to add my thoughts....

The reason I found this blog is because I was searching for a piece of mind that people are just different here and it's not that I have changed. I have never been at a loss for friendships until I moved here three years ago. I've found alot of people at work who have relocated here and found the same thing, but sometimes I still wonder if it is just me. Reread these posts and all the defendants of Minnesotans are from Minnesota. Relocating out, especially for college, and moving back does not qualify you to have an opinion on making friends in Minnesota. You had friends and family to return to. Minnesotans are rude, arrogant, selfish people. You can sugar coat it all you want, but someone who has no interest in knowing their neighbor is not a good American. Minnesotans are not good people, they just aren't mean people. Hence, Minnesota Nice. They aren't nice, they just don't have the backbone to say your useless to them as a person. It sucks here! If I could find a job elsewhere, I'd be on the first bus out. Don't move here unless it's your only option.

[Isabel_009]

Something tells me that it is you, not Minnesotans. No reasonable person could believe that all Minnesotans as a group are rude, selfish, etc...

Originally Posted by lost in minnesota

The reason I found this blog is because I was searching for a piece of mind that people are just different here and it's not that I have changed.

[uptown_urbanist]

Originally Posted by lost in minnesota

I know I am a month behind, but if anyone is searching blogs like I was I would like to add my thoughts....

The reason I found this blog is because I was searching for a piece of mind that people are just different here and it's not that I have changed. I have never been at a loss for friendships until I moved here three years ago. I've found alot of people at work who have relocated here and found the same thing, but sometimes I still wonder if it is just me. Reread these posts and all the defendants of Minnesotans are from Minnesota. Relocating out, especially for college, and moving back does not qualify you to have an opinion on making friends in Minnesota. You had friends and family to return to. Minnesotans are rude, arrogant, selfish people. You can sugar coat it all you want, but someone who has no interest in knowing their neighbor is not a good American. Minnesotans are not good people, they just aren't mean people. Hence, Minnesota Nice. They aren't nice, they just don't have the backbone to say your useless to them as a person. It sucks here! If I could find a job elsewhere, I'd be on the first bus out. Don't move here unless it's your only option.

Hmm... I don't think I'd like to live somewhere where people openly tell you that you are "useless to them as a person." I'm happy to say that I never encountered such a place, despite spending time living (and not as a college student) in multiple regions of the country.

I was born and raised in MN (to parents who arrived in the state just before I was born, but who managed to find close friends) but have spent about a third of my life in other parts of the country. I don't know what it's like to move to MN without having any relatives or old friends, but I do know from personal experience that some of these issues are found in other parts of the country, too. That doesn't make it any less difficult, but it does mean it's not an exclusive MN issue. Relocating anywhere is hard, and it can take time to find friends. It's tougher in MN than in some places (like the major cities with a higher percentage of transplants) but it's certainly not impossible.

As far as meeting your neighbors, I will say that one thing that I've noticed, and has been commented on by non-Minnesotan-native friends, is that Minnesota, or at least Minneapolis, really embraces block parties in a way we haven't encountered elsewhere. Anyone who walked around Minneapolis (and I assume St. Paul and the suburbs?) on National Night Out knows what I'm talking about.

Really, though, I don't find it all surprising that a long-term Minnesotan wouldn't enjoy spending much time around someone who considered them to be rude, arrogant, or selfish. Who would? I prefer my friends to be, well, friendly.

I guess my message to potential new transplants would be that it's easier to meet people in some areas than in others, not to expect instant friends, but that Minnesotans are just as nice as anyone anywhere, and that with time (and some effort) you, too, will make friends. Telling locals that they are boring, cold, or rude, however, is not the best way to go about doing it.

[applesoranges]

Originally Posted by lost in minnesota

I know I am a month behind, but if anyone is searching blogs like I was I would like to add my thoughts....

The reason I found this blog is because I was searching for a piece of mind that people are just different here and it's not that I have changed. I have never been at a loss for friendships until I moved here three years ago. I've found alot of people at work who have relocated here and found the same thing, but sometimes I still wonder if it is just me. Reread these posts and all the defendants of Minnesotans are from Minnesota. Relocating out, especially for college, and moving back does not qualify you to have an opinion on making friends in Minnesota. You had friends and family to return to. Minnesotans are rude, arrogant, selfish people. You can sugar coat it all you want, but someone who has no interest in knowing their neighbor is not a good American. Minnesotans are not good people, they just aren't mean people. Hence, Minnesota Nice. They aren't nice, they just don't have the backbone to say your useless to them as a person. It sucks here! If I could find a job elsewhere, I'd be on the first bus out. Don't move here unless it's your only option.

Gee, that sounds like wisconsin! It's very hard to get people to be friendly and laid back in the upper midwest. The're nice to who they want to be nice to be, and uncaring to everyone else. I don't understand them at all.

[Isabel_009]

Okay, so the whole of Wisconsin is uncaring, as is Minnesota. Anyone wanna ad any other states to this list? Or countries?

Originally Posted by applesoranges

Gee, that sounds like wisconsin! It's very hard to get people to be friendly and laid back in the upper midwest. The're nice to who they want to be nice to be, and uncaring to everyone else. I don't understand them at all.

[applesoranges]

Originally Posted by Isabel_009

Okay, so the whole of Wisconsin is uncaring, as is Minnesota. Anyone wanna ad any other states to this list? Or countries?

Sarcasm, you're thing? Have a nice day.

[Hanson93]

I see nothing wrong with the OP throwing out a bit of sarcasm. She posted an intelligent question seeking info one how to make friends and some posters have decided to vent about and stereotype the entire populaces of various states. Not exactly the type of info she was looking for, I'm sure.

Applesoranges, I'm not sure why it is OK for you to be sarcastic about the entire state of Wisconsin, yet find fault when the OP comments in return? Not too logical.