Making friends in the Twin Cities (Minneapolis, St. Paul: fit in, theater, high school)

[green_mariner]

Originally Posted by Isabel_009

I'm gonna play devil's advocate here and suggest that maybe, Skaught, you think that people perceive you that way and this is why you don't approach them? You said yourself that you are very introverted. But yeah, I definitely understand the predicament. It's really a tight rope that one must walk if they want to make new friends or get a date, and especially difficult if you are shy. BUT, one can't give up!! I do think that some of us may have expectations that we'll be rejected because we don't already have a gaggle of friends...I wonder if it would be easier to make friends if one already had a bunch?

I think I'm especially fearful because I don't have particularly close friends where I live. I changed a lot as I was growing up and radically outgrew some of my teen friendships. I was also pretty shy. Nevertheless, I'm not really as shy now so I think I might do okay, provided I can walk the tightrope...

I have a similar issue, so I can understand. I wasn't that stable of a person to begin with(I went to school in 3 different states, 5 different school districts), so I could make a friend, but never get that close because I might be gone after two years. When I did live in a place for more than 4 years, I found it kind of difficult to keep very close relationships with friends. After high school, many of my friends went off in different directions and many of them I haven't spoken to since. Actually, facebook and myspace are the only mediums I have to catch up with many of them, and even some I don't have much contact with, mainly because they have changed alot. Many of them are now married and some have children of their own(and most of them are between the age of 22-24). I am still single, in school, and live with my parents, so as a 23 year-old, I stand out among many of them. I had to learn how to deal with all of this. I can be a bit more shy than I used to be, but I can find a way.

[Isabel_009]

Wow, that is interesting that you stand out being 23 years old and single/unmarried with no kids... I honestly don't think I know a single person who got married at 23!

Yeah, I can imagine it's tough when you get moved around a lot while growing up, but you are still very young. I'm sure that with some effort you can find people who share your current interests.

Originally Posted by pirate_lafitte

I have a similar issue, so I can understand. I wasn't that stable of a person to begin with(I went to school in 3 different states, 5 different school districts), so I could make a friend, but never get that close because I might be gone after two years. When I did live in a place for more than 4 years, I found it kind of difficult to keep very close relationships with friends. After high school, many of my friends went off in different directions and many of them I haven't spoken to since. Actually, facebook and myspace are the only mediums I have to catch up with many of them, and even some I don't have much contact with, mainly because they have changed alot. Many of them are now married and some have children of their own(and most of them are between the age of 22-24). I am still single, in school, and live with my parents, so as a 23 year-old, I stand out among many of them. I had to learn how to deal with all of this. I can be a bit more shy than I used to be, but I can find a way.

[green_mariner]

Originally Posted by Isabel_009

Wow, that is interesting that you stand out being 23 years old and single/unmarried with no kids... I honestly don't think I know a single person who got married at 23!

Yeah, I can imagine it's tough when you get moved around a lot while growing up, but you are still very young. I'm sure that with some effort you can find people who share your current interests.

I live in Georgia. Many people tend to get married before the age of 23. I know some people who haven't yet turned 22 who have a child. The cultural difference might be a factor. I have never been in a romantic relationship in my life.

I have found people who have shared similar interests with me in college. What happens is that many of them have graduated and moved on to other places. For some odd reason, as much as I want to be in a place and have lifelong friends, moving around seems more familiar to me now.

[uptown_urbanist]

I grew up in MN. I got married at 22 (no kids until I got closer to 30, though) and I was the only person I knew around my age who was married at that age. I knew a couple of people who got accidentally pregnant and had the kids. Maybe in some MN circles that is the norm, but in my experience (or maybe it's the circles of friends I've had in various places) most people get married in their mid to late 20s or 30s and start to have kids in their 30s. In other words, don't worry - not every 30 year old you meet is going to be married with a house full of grade schoolers. (and if they do - well, parents need friends their age, too!)

[green_mariner]

Originally Posted by uptown_urbanist

I grew up in MN. I got married at 22 (no kids until I got closer to 30, though) and I was the only person I knew around my age who was married at that age. I knew a couple of people who got accidentally pregnant and had the kids. Maybe in some MN circles that is the norm, but in my experience (or maybe it's the circles of friends I've had in various places) most people get married in their mid to late 20s or 30s and start to have kids in their 30s. In other words, don't worry - not every 30 year old you meet is going to be married with a house full of grade schoolers. (and if they do - well, parents need friends their age, too!)

I won't worry too much. Sometimes I feel lonely sometimes. Many of my old friends who got married suddenly had lives different from mine. They had their own lives and kept in contact with other married persons. I do know a few persons who are pushing 30(or that have pushed beyond it) who are not married.

[uptown_urbanist]

For those looking for relationships, and not just friends, there's the other factor that seems to come into play once you hit the 30s and 40s - people who were married and are now divorced and starting to date again. (I'm by no means old, but it hit me that I was moving into a new decade of life when my friends started to include a more diverse mix of never married, married, and divorced people, some with kids, some without.)

[Rachel885]

I have found it nearly impossible to make friends in Minnesota and I am a friendly, kind, and extraverted twenty-something professional female. I am not out-going to the extreme, but I'm not shy either. I moved out here to be with my husband a few years ago and, despite joining several clubs/groups and being social and active, I have not made a single acquiantance that I keep in touch with beyond the activity, much less a real friend. I have lived in a lot of places during my lifetime, and nowhere are people as distant as they are in Minneapolis/St. Paul. Minnesotans are extremely "nice," but beyond the veneer of niceness, no one wants to branch out and connect. The harsh winters make that process even more difficult.

It might be different in a school setting, though, and hopefully your experience will be better than mine. It makes me feel slightly better to know that there are *a few* people out there who are more-or-less open to meeting others.

[golfgal]

Originally Posted by Rachel885

I have found it nearly impossible to make friends in Minnesota and I am a friendly, kind, and extraverted twenty-something professional female. I am not out-going to the extreme, but I'm not shy either. I moved out here to be with my husband a few years ago and, despite joining several clubs/groups and being social and active, I have not made a single acquiantance that I keep in touch with beyond the activity, much less a real friend. I have lived in a lot of places during my lifetime, and nowhere are people as distant as they are in Minneapolis/St. Paul. Minnesotans are extremely "nice," but beyond the veneer of niceness, no one wants to branch out and connect. The harsh winters make that process even more difficult.

It might be different in a school setting, though, and hopefully your experience will be better than mine. It makes me feel slightly better to know that there are *a few* people out there who are more-or-less open to meeting others.

You have been here how long and don't have any friends? I find that odd, frankly. Have you ever asked anyone to do anything? Why not invite someone over for a BBQ and see where that leads?

[Sarimn00]

Well, I am in the same boat as a lot of people on here. I am a life long Minnesotan, and although I don't really get that it is hard to make friends (I have never lived in the TC, always small town MN), I can see where some are coming from.
All my high school and college friends, and they were a large group, were married by 24, and most now have kids. I just turned 28 yesterday, and now I am in this weird place where I need to find more friends with the same interests, because the people that got married and have kids now hang out with people that are, well, married and have kids, if they even go out at all. (I know that isn't just a MN thing). To make things more difficult, I live in a town of 200, with the nearest town being 15,000 people-and that's 30 miles away. The good news for my social life, I will soon be moving to either Mankato or the Twin Cities. I will soon find out what people are talking about.
Anyway, I think MN has a lot of great things to offer. And Minnesotans may be more reserved, but when I went to college I knew no one. In no time I made friends, because I would go up to people and start a conversation. I wasn't over the top, but in no time, was pretty comfortable. Good luck.

[Latchkey Kid]

I moved to Minneapolis also to attend grad school several years ago. I'm also older. I find that many grad students who move here, including myself, don't understand the Minnesota Nice thing either and have found it difficult to make friends from here. I have many 'acquaintances' from MN but that's about as far as it goes.

On the other hand, some of my best friends now are from grad school -- all from other states or other countries. We have very small cohorts in my department so they come from various cohorts that proceeded me. But cultures vary from department to department. While my friends are from the university, a lot of us live in neighborhoods that are away from the large student populations so you feel less like your life revolves around school. But even so, the U community is really large and varied, so I wouldn't rule that out as being a big component of your social life.

All in all, I think it's hard to imagine what graduate school is about until your actually in it. Since you are interested at volunteering at the MIA, I am wondering what discipline you are going into?