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Originally Posted by jimboburnsy
Sharing genetic information is important to me too, I can understand that. I think what many are failing to understand is that it does not bear on the relationship that develops between a father and his children and that the commitment to your kids would remain if you were unfortunate enough to learn that they were not yours biologically.
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Look I said it earlier, I dunno (in relation to the OP) what I would do if I found out that my child wasn't mine. The wife would be gone in a heartbeat, but would I leave the child? It depends. Maybe, maybe not. How bad is the heartache. Could I wake up every morning knowing that my little sunshine is the result of a tryst between the love of my life and some random joe? I highly doubt it. I'd want to move as far away from the situation as possible.It's a commitment based on a lie. The choice to continue that commitment is mine and mine alone.
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If you think you could just extinguish your relationship and walk away you're far more reprehensible than an absentee sperm donor.
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I agree. I don't think it is the BEST or ONLY option, however the courts in this country have forced the hand of false paternity. They do not give fathers a choice. If they want to absolve themselves of responsibility (because it was based on a false premise, and yes, telling me that the child is mine when it isn't is a false premise), they have to end the relationship with the child immediately or be responsible for years and years of support. How fair is it that you have to pay thousands of dollars for someone else's kid based on a lie?
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Why do you think I'm placing any fault on a guy who gets bad news from a paternity test? It's not his fault at all.
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Obviously this is the case if you feel that it's his responsibility to continue a relationship based on a lie. Around the age of 16-18 a guy will know whether or not he is capable of caring for someone else's child (whether it be by adoption, step parenting, false paternity). Saying "any guy who leaves sucks"
is placing the blame on the father. Why not say, "any woman who causes such a ripple in the family and whose lied to so many people" when that's the crux of the issue?
It's not as if there is a certain amount of time that one spends with the child where anything that happens in the relationship is automatically forgiven-as in on the kids 10th birthday the father says "well, regardless of if you're mine or not, i'll always love you. but not a day before!" (which is alluding to the whole "bonding" thing). People take this kind of thing different. Some won't care, some will be angry, some will be pissed off beyond belief. There is no socially acceptable reaction to this type of issue that won't injure some party greatly than the other, but the fact that the father is the default injured in this type of transaction is garbage.
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