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Right, because upfront he's telling her he'd never trust her through their marriage. I'm thinking he'll have a hard time finding ANY woman willing to be married to a person like. I guess some people are REALLY paranoid though and that's what they feel they need to do to protect themselves.
But, I'll humor this idea. Likewise, she let him know that he needs to share his passwords to e-mail, any and all text messaging, not mind being followed by a PI every so often for the lifetime of their marriage...you know, just to keep him in check. Afterall, why should she have and raise children with someone who could potentially cheat on her?
Yup, quality relationship and marriage material right there.
Good afternoon,
Lack of trust is your interpretation, but honestly this has nothing to do with the woman personally. I can understand why you feel that way, but for me, it's simply a "covering all bases" sort of thing. It's similar to those who decide to get prenups before getting married. You can love someone wholeheartedly and still want to "cover your butt" just in case.
Yes, some people are paranoid, but it's not like they don't have a good reason. Guys hear and read too many of these stories and see how the courts don't protect or remedy the situation once it comes to light. You'd be surprised how many women sympathize with these stories and understand why a man wants peace of mind. A few don't understand, and that's fine too, it's their choice not to date/marry a guy with those requirements.
For your example, a better comparison might be asking the man to take an STD test every so often. I'm completely fine with that in exchange for testing children at birth.
Some couples do have access to email, phones, etc and are suspicious if they are locked out by the spouse. That's fine by me if it works for them.
I wonder if anyone here is against a policy of maternity testing before leaving the hospital, to ensure the baby didn't get mixed up in the nursery. What about wristbands, footprints, etc to ensure there's no mix-up?
I wonder if anyone here wouldn't be angry if their baby were switched in the nursery and wouldn't prefer a maternity test for "peace of mind" to lessen the possibility of an emotional investment into a child that isn't theirs.
Those who say "yes, it's still my child in my mind", what if you found out you had the wrong baby only a few days, weeks, or months later? Would you keep the wrong child or try to get yours back?
See why "peace of mind" is a good thing?
Last edited by Freedom123; 02-08-2012 at 02:16 PM..
I wonder if anyone here is against a policy of maternity testing before leaving the hospital, to ensure the baby didn't get mixed up in the nursery. What about wristbands, footprints, etc to ensure there's no mix-up?
I wonder if anyone here wouldn't be angry if their baby were switched in the nursery and wouldn't prefer a maternity test for "peace of mind" to lessen the possibility of an emotional investment into a child that isn't theirs.
Those who say "yes, it's still my child in my mind", what if you found out you had the wrong baby only a few days, weeks, or months later? Would you keep the wrong child or try to get yours back?
See why "peace of mind" is a good thing?
No, I wouldn't need mandatory maternity testing for my child in a hospital setting. It is VERY RARE that babies get mixed up in a hospital these days and it would be an unnecessary test in my opinion. It wouldn't offer me any additional peace of mind. I saw my baby when it was born, I know what he or she looked like and I'd know if someone swapped him or her for another child.
For your example, a better comparison might be asking the man to take an STD test every so often. I'm completely fine with that in exchange for testing children at birth.
What would an STD test prove???
Not everyone who cheats contracts an STD.
I think cell phone monitoring, passwords for all e-mails and a PI would protect a woman better from having children with a cheating husband.
No, I wouldn't need mandatory maternity testing for my child in a hospital setting. It is VERY RARE that babies get mixed up in a hospital these days and it would be an unnecessary test in my opinion. It wouldn't offer me any additional peace of mind. I saw my baby when it was born, I know what he or she looked like and I'd know if someone swapped him or her for another child.
Good afternoon,
For the record, when I said policy, I meant hospital policy, not government mandatory testing.
Even if baby switching is rare, steps are STILL taken for every baby born, and that is "mandatory". In fact, these steps contribute to why baby switching is rare. Paternity tests would make paternity fraud rare too, it's a no-brainer. I don't see anyone arguing against wristbands, fingerprints and footprints for a mother's piece of mind, but a man wanting his own piece of mind is somehow a bad thing.
You didn't answer my hypothetical question about dealing with a baby a few weeks, days, or months old if you found out he/she were switched. Not that you have to, it's a free country.
Quote:
Originally Posted by justthe6ofus
What would an STD test prove???
Not everyone who cheats contracts an STD.
I think cell phone monitoring, passwords for all e-mails and a PI would protect a woman better from having children with a cheating husband.
Let's be honest, an STD is more likely to come from a cheater than some outside reason. A woman requesting an STD test is the closest comparison of a male version of the paternity request.
In regards to everything else you said, I have no problem with anything you're saying if a couple agrees to it. Remember, I advocate men being UPFRONT with their "peace of mind" intentions, even though I gave a suggestion for the cowards too. My main point here is that male piece of mind is valid, while a few of you argue as if it's bad.
For the record, when I said policy, I meant hospital policy, not government mandatory testing.
Even if baby switching is rare, steps are STILL taken for every baby born, and that is "mandatory". In fact, these steps contribute to why baby switching is rare. Paternity tests would make paternity fraud rare too, it's a no-brainer. I don't see anyone arguing against wristbands, fingerprints and footprints for a mother's piece of mind, but a man wanting his own piece of mind is somehow a bad thing.
You didn't answer my hypothetical question about dealing with a baby a few weeks, days, or months old if you found out he/she were switched. Not that you have to, it's a free country.
That would depend on a lot of factors, what the other family's expectations were, what the court decides, what is in the best interest of the child...etc. Hard to answer and not really comparable because for a dad, he either IS or ISN'T a father...for the mom, she IS a mother, just need to determine which child is hers. She STILL has the expense of raising a child.
Wrist band expenses and footprints are CHEAP. Paternity/Maternity testing is not. Who would pay for this mandatory testing? Why would we drive up the cost of delivery for such rare events of accidental baby switching.
Let's be honest, an STD is more likely to come from a cheater than some outside reason. A woman requesting an STD test is the closest comparison of a male version of the paternity request.
STD is more likely to come from sex without the use of a condom, but not all cheaters are stupid and not all cheaters have STD's.
And really, how is that protecting the woman???? So she finds out that her spouse cheated after he passes an STD to her??? That is really quite ridiculous.
In regards to everything else you said, I have no problem with anything you're saying if a couple agrees to it. Remember, I advocate men being UPFRONT with their "peace of mind" intentions, even though I gave a suggestion for the cowards too. My main point here is that male piece of mind is valid, while a few of you argue as if it's bad.
It is bad, in my opinion. You don't have to share my opinion but if someone said "oh and by the way, I will require any children that we have to be paternity tested" you are basically stating that you don't trust this woman. Why would you even want to be with her if you can't trust her?
Maybe the best alternative is don't have kids...better yet, don't have sex then you don't have to worry about some evil, cheating woman commiting fraud.
It's really quite sad to me, that someone is that paranoid and knows they are such a poor judge of character that they need their wife to prove the paternity of a child.
It's really quite sad to me, that someone is that paranoid and knows they are such a poor judge of character that they need their wife to prove the paternity of a child.
It's quite sad to me that a wife wouldn't do everything in her power to reassure her partner, or at the very least allow the partner to reassure himself , especially when it requires zero work on her part in this particular instance.
Everyone wants to be trusted, especially those who have the most to lose because they've lied and cheated. The vast majority of men will have no reason to be suspicious of their partner, and will never even think there's a need for a paternity test. For the few who do, I think it should be seen as simple reassurance for them on the part of their partner.
If the paternity fraud rate of 2% to 4% is correct (and this is the latest estimate I've seen), that means that there are anywhere from 80,000 to 160,000 cases of paternity fraudannually (based on an annual birth rate of about 4 million in the US).
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