For Men With Children - Paternity Test; Child Not Yours? (marry, cheated)
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Really difficult to commit to an answer when there are MANY factors to consider and I'm not specifically in this situation. I have no idea what I would do.
Ok, thanks for the honest answer.
Quote:
Originally Posted by justthe6ofus
Paternity/Maternity testing costs money. Insurance companies aren't going to foot that bill, they have no stake in that claim. So who will pay for it?
As I said before, the person who requests the test should pay for it. I would happily pay $400 or $500 for piece of mind.
Quote:
Originally Posted by justthe6ofus
Sure, I'd want my own biological child back after a few days and possibly weeks. Months, I don't know about that...that would be a difficult decision. Still, this doesn't compare because she STILL has a child to raise. If a man is asking for a paternity test he either will have a child or he won't.
Even if this rare scenario (as you said), the mother has piece of mind already since she knows which child is hers, regardless of her decision. I don't know why you are against men having this option.
Quote:
Originally Posted by justthe6ofus
I was responding to your post where you suggested most mothers would want maternity testing to ensure they would get their own child. Not your overall idea.
I didn't say mandatory, but you insinuated I support that. But yes, most mothers would want piece of mind and wouldn't argue against the steps currently taken to ensure they leave the hospital with the right baby.
Quote:
Originally Posted by justthe6ofus
And again, who pays for it? Why pay for a test that isn't necessary.
Those who want it (and believe it's necessary) should pay for it. Those who don't want it shouldn't have to pay for it. I've answered this multiple times already.
To me, the test IS necessary and I would pay for it out of my own pocket. I don't want anyone else paying for my piece of mind.
Quote:
Originally Posted by justthe6ofus
You are right, there isn't...however...I think she deserves piece of mind that she isn't going to be raising a child alone, don't you? That's where my idea came into play. I wouldn't have had 4 kids if I thought my husband was going to cheat on me and walk out 3yrs later.
You already have a remedy, it's called the government. Divorce court, child support, etc. Men have zero remedy if they raised a child that isn't theirs for years. In many states they are forced to continue supporting that child and the biological father gets a pass. Even in the face of this unfairness, you're still against men protecting themselves upfront with a simple test they pay for themselves.
Quote:
Originally Posted by justthe6ofus
How do you know many will not? That might be a good poll for this board. Of course this is not the general population but I'd be curious to see the result of such a poll.
I should have said: "many will not based on conversations I've had with women over the years". They key is HOW I say it. I don't make it personal, I make it seem like a general policy and nothing against any woman.
I'd be curious to see the result as well, so if you decide to create a poll please post a link.
Quote:
Originally Posted by justthe6ofus
He'd be paranoid because he would need paternity testing to prove a child, that he had with his own wife, is his. You don't think that's paranoi? I can understand if they have a tumultuous relationship, but in a good marriage this shouldn't even be a consideration.
This is no different than calling a woman paranoid who wants a marriage license to prove a man is committed to her long term. Using your logic, a marriage license shouldn't even be a consideration if the relationship is a good one. The only difference is one is more prevalent in today's society.
You already have a remedy, it's called the government. Divorce court, child support, etc. Men have zero remedy if they raised a child that isn't theirs for years. In many states they are forced to continue supporting that child and the biological father gets a pass. Even in the face of this unfairness, you're still against men protecting themselves upfront with a simple test they pay for themselves.
I would like to reiterate this point with the following:
“I pay child support to a biologically intact family,” Mike told me, his voice cracking with incredulity. “A father and mother, married, who live with their own child. And I pay support for that child. How ridiculous is that?”
FACT: If the father maintains ANY contact after finding out that they are NOT the father of the child, they are legally obligated to pay for support and assume paternity. http://www.pafamilylawyers.com/Pater...nnsylvania.pdf
Quote:
Estoppel is “a doctrine of fundamental fairness designed to preclude a party from
depriving another of a reasonable expectation when the party inducing the expectation albeit gratuitously knew or should have known that the other would rely upon that conduct to his or her detriment.”32 In the realm of paternity law, estoppel is “applied to prevent a presumptive father (the husband), or the natural mother (the wife), from denying the husband’s paternity if the couple has resided together as husband and wife and the husband held the child out as his own.”33 Consistent with the doctrine of estoppel, if the presumptive father is induced to believe that he is the biological father by fraud or misrepresentation on the part of the mother, the presumptive father is not estopped from denying paternity of the child as long as when the fraud is revealed, he ceases to have contact with the child.
FACT (as mentioned earlier) : Courts will act IN THE BEST INTEREST OF THE CHILD and force a non paternal father to pay for support, fraud or otherwise.
FACT (I need to verify this one) : Paternity can only be contested SIXTY DAYS after signing the birth certificate and ONLY by acknowledgement of fraud, duress etc. http://www.clasp.org/admin/site/publ...files/0111.pdf
^^tough dilemma. I understand your reason for not wanting to say anything, but I think you have to eventually tell them both. I think they both deserve to know. If anything I'd probably wait until your son is a little older and/or graduates from college.
BTW do you know where his true bio-father is?
Yes, the bio-father left town when I told him I was pregnant. I have kept track of him on the internet (thank you Intelius).
He'd be paranoid because he would need paternity testing to prove a child, that he had with his own wife, is his. You don't think that's paranoi? I can understand if they have a tumultuous relationship, but in a good marriage this shouldn't even be a consideration.
I'm with you. I don't have and don't plan to have children, but I find the idea totally repulsive hypothetically. I hate to sound like a senior citizen, but a good portion of the generation behind me (generally the supporters of similar bizarre "ideas") repulses me as well. It looks like I'm not in much danger of robbing the cradle!
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,726 posts, read 42,046,845 times
Reputation: 41515
Quote:
Originally Posted by sierraAZ
I'm with you. I don't have and don't plan to have children, but I find the idea totally repulsive hypothetically. I hate to sound like a senior citizen, but a good portion of the generation behind me (generally the supporters of similar bizarre "ideas") repulses me as well. It looks like I'm not in much danger of robbing the cradle!
Umm, who raised the generation behind you? That's all I'm saying.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,726 posts, read 42,046,845 times
Reputation: 41515
Quote:
Originally Posted by sierraAZ
I don't know. I certainly didn't.
I don't have much energy or time or frankly give a so I'll keep this short and simple.
I don't like it when your generation gets all high and mighty talking about the crazy stuff our generation is into like y'all had nothing to do with it. Your generation raised us so we ain't nothing more than a reflection of your generation.
Back on topic, if I had doubt that a kid was mine I'd run to the nearest testing center, if the momma don't like it tough.
I don't have much energy or time or frankly give a so I'll keep this short and simple.
I don't like it when your generation gets all high and mighty talking about the crazy stuff our generation is into like y'all had nothing to do with it. Your generation raised us so we ain't nothing more than a reflection of your generation.
Back on topic, if I had doubt that a kid was mine I'd run to the nearest testing center, if the momma don't like it tough.
If it's any consolation to you, I'm foreign-born and I don't get along that great with my own generation in this country, either, but that's an entirely different glass of scotch.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
so I'll keep this short and simple.