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After the baby went down last night I told her to not give in to a thing. It seems when she tries to work it out rationally he comes back with a fight. If he wants to fight he can fight in court. That's it.
Bravo! This is the only thing that will work with a control freak manipulator.
Now he just sent her that she owes him and his parents for not having seen the baby. Owes them? Really?
This is just too much. I advised her when she speaks to the attorney to see if she even has to communicate further until court. I'm hoping she doesn't have to. He just seems to want to provoke her at each turn.
Well, this would be funny if it wasn't so sad. Is he claiming she "owes" him money or time or both? Given that not seeing the baby was the consequence of his actions, this is mind-boggling.
I do hope they show up in court with him, and the judge gives them a stern warning about their interference in all of this. Judges can often see through the messes created by such interference. I also hope the judge tells the young man to grow up. He is a parent now and needs to start acting like one. Being a parent means sorting out the advice one receives and choosing that which will be best for your child.
I hope the attorney says she does not need to communicate with him until court. If she does need to communicate with him before then, perhaps she can limit her communication to only those things that are agreed upon or pertain directly to the baby. Something like the above should be ignored and does not need or deserve a response. I've found when dealing with difficult people that it is often best to not respond to them immediately, if at all, when they are making ridiculous requests or slinging threats. Ignoring texts, emails or calls is a response that speaks loudly. It says to the other person, "I will not engage in your nonsense."
I think the financial realities are hitting this young man hard. He is now responsible for supporting another person for the next 18 or more years. and does not like it one bit. I'm sure his parents are feeding this nonsense. If they took a step back they would realize that this responsibility falls on their son--not them.
Don't fret about the future of that little baby. I suspect she will be fine given all the love she's been shown thus far from her mother and mother's family. She will learn to ignore the nonsense should it continue.
He can't terminate his rights in lieu of not paying child support. The courts wouldn't do it. It can't be done privately because it's an illegal contract and would not be binding in court. He could come back at anytime in the future wanting his rights, she wouldn't be able to stop him. His being gone wouldn't be considered abandonment because Jersey's daughter would be complicit in it his not having access to the child via her involvement in an illegal agreement.
Actually, it can be done. My BIL did the exact same thing. He was in arrears on his child support and hadn't taken advantage of his visitation in close to 7 years. His ex contacted him and offered the solution of paying his arrears and terminating his rights to their 9 year old in lieu of her attorney filing paperwork to make the future child support payments null and void. It went thru the NYS family court and was approved by the magistrate. They declared it based on abandonment on his part.
Actually, it can be done. My BIL did the exact same thing. He was in arrears on his child support and hadn't taken advantage of his visitation in close to 7 years. His ex contacted him and offered the solution of paying his arrears and terminating his rights to their 9 year old in lieu of her attorney filing paperwork to make the future child support payments null and void. It went thru the NYS family court and was approved by the magistrate. They declared it based on abandonment on his part.
Jersey lives in New Jersey. Her state wouldn't do that unless her daughter was married to someone willing to adopt the child. It's common for parental rights to be terminated (voluntarily and involuntarily) for adoption, and abandonment is the most common reason used.
I am remembering some of the advice I and others gave at the beginning of the thread.
Wow, reality is so much different. Thank goodness you didn't push her into anything and then let her live with you. Can you imagine if she had lived with his family, gotten an apartment with him, or been on her own?
I even suggested they consider marriage. Yikes!
He is just a scared guy who is easily manipulated by his controlling dad. He is waffling because his dad works at him until he convinces him what he wants him to do.
Remember when he blew a gasket because they wouldn't live with him?
Jersey, your daughter and grandchild will come out of this just fine. You raised her to know her mind, be fair minded, and a good mom.
Jersey lives in New Jersey. Her state wouldn't do that unless her daughter was married to someone willing to adopt the child. It's common for parental rights to be terminated (voluntarily and involuntarily) for adoption, and abandonment is the most common reason used.
Thank you kindly, my reading comprehension is perfectly fine. It's not a leap to assume Jersey is NJ based on her username and oh, I don't know, her location. I was relaying a personal experience and linking the OP to some further information.
You may want to Google using Jersey in the query, you'll see court documentation outlining how to terminate rights and child support. It's possible and done.
Last edited by Jaded; 08-05-2014 at 03:38 PM..
Reason: off-topic
Hopes may be right. I've never looked into it and doubt my daughter has either.
...If he wants to fight he can fight in court. That's it.
Ask your attorney about his rights. Talk to your daughter about what she wishes. She's already a good mom. Her life isn't over. She and the baby deserve much better.
They both deserve the best. It will take a lot of hard work to get there though.
Thankfully they didn't move in together. I never thought it a good idea to move into his parents' home together. I knew that would be a disaster from the first day. If the my had moved into a place together, they would have been evicted in no time. She couldn't have done it on her own. There's just no way. He didn't work for 9 months and she couldn't have afforded it on her own.
This petty arguing is coming to a screeching halt. The attorney is putting a stop to it.
I know it shouldn't upset me. It's so hard not to let it. I'm going to make a conscious effort to not have any emotion regarding anything said. After all, who cares. They want to upset us and one of you said it best, if we ignore it then it doesn't have the desired effect.
1. Stay in court and get an order of support, health insurance contribution and if state laws don't prevent you then get an inexpensive term life policy on him. I believe you can carry 50k or maybe a little more without his consent.
2. If you feel the least bit threatened by his presence ask for supervised visitation.
3. Hold off on encouraging him to terminate his rights, raising a child while under educated and underemployed is NO JOKE and not a burden you and your hubby should have take on. Even when they start off IRRESPONSIBLE, fathers are worth more to the esteem and development of a child than the check they can write. He may grow up soon and change. Not sure how long you should wait but wait...
4. An even bigger nightmare would be for him to terminate his rights and the grandparents tie you up in court for their rights. Doesn't work everywhere but it has worked for some grandparents.
On a separate note investigate the tax law for your situation if you can claim them both as your dependents then do so and do it consistently until she moves. If you can't then be sure she files expediently each year because there are many a absent/ non custodial parent and even grandparents out there attempting to get the earned income credit for children they are not caring providing for.
1. Stay in court and get an order of support, health insurance contribution and if state laws don't prevent you then get an inexpensive term life policy on him. I believe you can carry 50k or maybe a little more without his consent.
2. If you feel the least bit threatened by his presence ask for supervised visitation.
3. Hold off on encouraging him to terminate his rights, raising a child while under educated and underemployed is NO JOKE and not a burden you and your hubby should have take on. Even when they start off IRRESPONSIBLE, fathers are worth more to the esteem and development of a child than the check they can write. He may grow up soon and change. Not sure how long you should wait but wait...
4. An even bigger nightmare would be for him to terminate his rights and the grandparents tie you up in court for their rights. Doesn't work everywhere but it has worked for some grandparents.
On a separate note investigate the tax law for your situation if you can claim them both as your dependents then do so and do it consistently until she moves. If you can't then be sure she files expediently each year because there are many a absent/ non custodial parent and even grandparents out there attempting to get the earned income credit for children they are not caring providing for.
Thank you for the advice. Court is next week.
I'm sure we claim them both this year. We are allowed. And I will be filing as soon as everything is in.
I have to.
I have three in college next year and want that FAFSA done ASAP!
I'm hoping all goes well in court.
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