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Okay, I need help, advice, anything from parents who've already gone through the Pre-Teen/Teen stage with their daughters. I'm in the process of reading "Queen Bees and Wannabees", but I need to hear from some moms (or dads) who have already gone through this with their DD.
My DD11 is just starting puberty so all the hormones, emotions, etc are raging.... One minute happy, next depressed..... wants to talk to me, doesn't want to talk to me.....
Honestly, you are starting a bit late. You SHOULD have been talking all along about puberty and what it would do to not only her body but her emotions as well.
I suggest you scrap the books for now and just sit down and talk with her about what she is going through. Set some boundaries for acceptable behavior, let her know you are available for her, etc. One thing we do here is not to take it too seriously. Yes, puberty is hard for girls but everyone goes through it so you can't have the world coming to an end in your house every day. She's going to have to learn to work through and manage her feelings....it's a long road ahead but it doesn't have to be miserable.
My DD11 is just starting puberty so all the hormones, emotions, etc are raging.... One minute happy, next depressed..... wants to talk to me, doesn't want to talk to me.....
Sounds pretty normal to me....my advice? Don't take it personally, positively reinforce the behaviors you appreciate and deal with those you don't in a consistent manner in a way that works for your family. I tried not to get too wound up over what I considered little things. Pick your battles. Make time to talk. My best talking times were in the car or with food....for some reason these situations lent themselves to easier and more open communication....You are in for an "interesting" next few years....
Honestly, you are starting a bit late. You SHOULD have been talking all along about puberty and what it would do to not only her body but her emotions as well.
I suggest you scrap the books for now and just sit down and talk with her about what she is going through. Set some boundaries for acceptable behavior, let her know you are available for her, etc. One thing we do here is not to take it too seriously. Yes, puberty is hard for girls but everyone goes through it so you can't have the world coming to an end in your house every day. She's going to have to learn to work through and manage her feelings....it's a long road ahead but it doesn't have to be miserable.
I did talk to her about it.... I started talking to her about it when she was 9. The thing is, talking about it and actually experiencing it are two completely different things.
I've told her that I understand what she's going through but I won't tolerate rudeness or downright nastiness. I've told her I'm here for her and always will be, her dad will be here for her, and that if she wants to talk to someone else, I will arrange it for her.
I'm going to take your advice and not take it too seriously.... I have to be her guide in this. I guess if I take it all serious and dramatic, she will too. That CAN'T happen. LOL!!
Sounds pretty normal to me....my advice? Don't take it personally, positively reinforce the behaviors you appreciate and deal with those you don't in a consistent manner in a way that works for your family. I tried not to get too wound up over what I considered little things. Pick your battles. Make time to talk. My best talking times were in the car or with food....for some reason these situations lent themselves to easier and more open communication....You are in for an "interesting" next few years....
Whatever you do, enforce the boundaries you set for her. Don't give in because she whines or complains.
However, listen to her when she makes a calm, reasonable request. My teen years were a bit awkward because my mom and I were constantly renegotiating our situation as I matured. There were times (curfews, allowance) when my mother would listen to my request because I had proven to be responsible. However, if I pitched a fit trying to get my way, I didn't get it.
As your daughter gets older, the rules will have to change as she shows she is more responsible. For example, if the two of you have a discussion about extending her bedtime, be reasonable and listen to her, but always enforce the agreed upon time (unless there are extenuating circumstances). As a teen, there's so much uncertainty about your life, having a steady home life will help, even when she complains.
I remember from my teen girl years (which were not that long ago) that I didn't mean 90% of the mean things I said. Remember that when she's yelling at you- she's pushing buttons to see what happens so don't take it personally. Remain calm and don't back down.
Thank you, Stina.... As a matter of fact today she told me that she was "feeling emotional" and just wanted to be alone for a while. I suggested that she straighten up her dresser drawers and organize things and that might make her feel better or at least take her mind off things. I said it in a calm manner (not a sarcastic one) and she did it. Afterward, she said she felt better and it did help.
I know I'm only at the beginning of this (she's only 11) and I've got a good 4 or 5 years of this (yikes!), but I hope we're starting out right.
Thank you, Stina.... As a matter of fact today she told me that she was "feeling emotional" and just wanted to be alone for a while. I suggested that she straighten up her dresser drawers and organize things and that might make her feel better or at least take her mind off things. I said it in a calm manner (not a sarcastic one) and she did it. Afterward, she said she felt better and it did help.
I know I'm only at the beginning of this (she's only 11) and I've got a good 4 or 5 years of this (yikes!), but I hope we're starting out right.
It's great that your daughter was able to communicate that she was feeling emotional. What a good interaction you two had. My daughter is 12. Need I say more? LOL. There are times I have a hard time not laughing at her when she is acting overly dramatic. Boy does she hate being laughed at when she is having a fit over something. If I ever suggested she clean anything as a way of helping her feel better, she would probably yell, "Uuuuugh" and walk away.
A great book I recall when our daughter was around that age is Don't Stop Loving Me by Ann F. Caron, Ed.D. I'd forgotten how exhausting adolescent girls can be.
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