Anyone in their 20s or 30s do not have any friends (husbands, introvert)
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It's rare and it has more to do with the person without friends.
Friendships require tending and effort. So if someone doesn't have friends, that means they've let them wither and die, or never cultivated them in the first place.
Well, it seems you've already decided to remain friendless. If the process of meeting people is 'boring & useless' to you, then don't bother. You're making a lot of excuses. Of course meeting people begins with a bit of small chat, otherwise, the person has no boundary issues & is telling you their life's story, which would make most run for the hills. Learning about others is a process. One doesn't need to talk about the weather or traffic for 30-min. Most would be bored by that. One gets better at anything with practice.
It doesn't sound as if you want to change your situation, but that you want people to agree with why it is the way it is. With any kind of change, a bit of effort is required, which means moving out of one's comfort zone & doing something different. Seems as if you're bored with yourself & projecting that onto others, making them responsible for your friendless situation. Doing more of the same will bring the same & if that works for you, great, continue. It's a bit unfair to say you'd like it to be different when you feel it's useless to attempt to move forward.
When you want to change your situation, you'll allow yourself the motivation to do it. If we all waited for motivation to appear out of the blue, no one would do anything. It doesn't come on its own. And, if you can't muster up the courage to do it on your own, maybe explore other venues... therapy, self-help books, anything which gives you motivation & makes you feel good. Good luck.
This is the kind of response that I'm afraid I'd get if I offer another look at "small talks" and socialization as an seemingly uninteresting process. Please understand that there are some of us out here on Earth who do not find "small talk" fascinating. Making friends isn't simply just "hey go out" and you'll get friends; you and I have already said this, it takes numerous of things to happen before people become friends. This isn't simply a black-and-white thing, like "oh you didn't try hard enough" or "oh you are too picky" or "just go out and stop talking", where "pulling up by bootstrap" type of "encouragement" will solve a lot of things, sometimes there are just not enough people who can relate to each other, and yes it's just by chance this happens! I hope you understand that just because I have a different perspective and experience during the process of building rapport with others that it just means that I have an unique and individual experience - this isn't a yelling thread. AND I did not once say that I'm against others socializing nor did I say socializing="bad". And just because I'm not interested, by no means am I saying isolation=positive. To be honest, for you to go prancing around over-analyzing and treating the whole thing so pathologically abnormal, I find this behavior to be disrespectful. I don't know, you seem contradictory. Some posts you seem supportive and understanding sounding all encouraging, motivating others to enlarge their social circles, then another post you write stuff like this that doesn't translate UNDERSTANDING. And then people wonder why it's difficult to cultivate a friendship in the making-friend market!
I will say that what's difficult in the process of maintaining and creating friendship is people who make rash judgment, then slam down the person with a stereotype of antisocial, and go on to justify that hostile environment they create, which isn't even conducive to sustain differences, empathy and kindness that are important to a good socializing process.
Quote:
Originally Posted by PatanjaliTwist
Of course meeting people begins with a bit of small chat, otherwise, the person has no boundary issues & is telling you their life's story, which would make most run for the hills.
You've misrepresented the stuff I wrote about small talks. Small talks can also include openness and enthusiasm to a topic, I'm not talking about boundary issue here. I have never said people don't need boundary by the way. AND there is nothing wrong with people who want to tell you their whole stories on their first meet-and-greet, it's their choice. However, it's not my choice to judge them though.
I will say that what's difficult in the process of maintaining and creating friendship is people who make rash judgment, then slam down the person with a stereotype of antisocial, and go on to justify that hostile environment they create, which isn't even conducive to sustain differences, empathy and kindness that are important to a good socializing process.
All that you've said indicates why you have such issues making friends. You think expressing an alternate opinion is hostile, disrespectful, picking at you, anti-social, rash, stereotypical, etc. Dear lord woman. Look at the angry words you choose & point them at yourself when that wasn't done... it's how you've interpreted them. No one slammed anyone in this thread, at all. You seem to feel the world is against you. Well, carry on then if that suits you & good luck with that.
All that you've said indicates why you have such issues making friends. You think expressing an alternate opinion is hostile, disrespectful, picking at you, anti-social, rash, stereotypical, etc. Dear lord woman. Look at the angry words you choose & point them at yourself when that wasn't done... it's how you've interpreted them. No one slammed anyone in this thread, at all. You seem to feel the world is against you. Well, carry on then if that suits you & good luck with that.
Lol, angry? Are you ok? Funny thing is, you just did it again with the labeling and rash judgment in this post. I don't know what you can accomplish by twisting my words, but your behaviors and the words you preach are quite contrary to each other.
Also, I don't want to ruin OP's thread, which I think it isn't the OP's intention to have people talk like this. I think the purposes of this forum and this thread are intended for people to safely express their feelings while giving people a chance to explore a topic. Although I wish to have a decent discussion with you, looks like I can't, so yes I can't communicate with you and I'll leave it at that.
It's rare and it has more to do with the person without friends.
Friendships require tending and effort. So if someone doesn't have friends, that means they've let them wither and die, or never cultivated them in the first place.
what about if all your friends either got married or relocated?
Location: WNY (NOT NYC for the geographically challenged)
70 posts, read 135,616 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cpg35223
It's rare and it has more to do with the person without friends.
Friendships require tending and effort. So if someone doesn't have friends, that means they've let them wither and die, or never cultivated them in the first place.
I don't think that's always the case. The fact is, some people just refuse to be friends with certain people, whether it's due to something physical, age, social standing, or what have you. Most people are not like this, but a substantial amount are.
I dont have any friends and i'm in my 30's. Probably the cause of moving cities every 2 years for new jobs. Oh well, at least I know tons of people in other cities.
I am handicapped in my 30's and college educated. In high school had 30 or 40 friends In college I had around 30. Do not drive people had to pick me up. And people did in droves male and females. I was the kind of you could you secrets to. I would never tell a soul. Bail you out of jail or go to church on Sundays. Had friends from all walks of life. People love my company. I moved a few times they married they all faded away.
A friend will help you move. A good friend will help you move a body. Good thing I don't need any bodies moved!
A friend will bail you out of jail after a "memorable" night.
A good friend would be getting bailed out with you!
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