friendship with married woman (dynamics, house, jealous, wife)
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Yeah, I agree. I watched the same thing happen with several friends during my 20's. They had an opposite sex "friend" who was in a LDR and they got closer and closer until one night they "accidentally" slept together and the affair started. Or they were in those first years of being married where it's still an adjustment and they used that opposite sex friend as their confidant and person to run to whenever there was an issue. Husband works too much? Run to guy friend! Disagreement over money? Vent to guy friend!
It's not hard to see how those things start and most people who have been successfully married for any length of time have learned to set appropriate boundaries and not to allow anyone to get closer to them than their spouse.
If a marriage is so bad that someone is running to tell someone else, then it probably was going to fail anyway. What I'm saying is that it's questionable whether it was the "friendship" that was actually the problem in these cases, or whether the marriage was just poor to begin with. A lot of marriages fail, and frankly if you step back and look at them from the outside, the reason many of them fail isn't anyone's "fault", it's just that the two weren't actually a good match to begin with.
Sure, sometimes people can get into trouble with being infatuated, etc. It does happen. However, I still think most failed marriages are due to the marriage itself, not outside influences.
I work in a Hospital that happens to have one male for twenty females... this is from the CEO all the way down.
The male workers are often excluded from after work get togethers because of the husbands of the females... especially if the male happens to be single... some have said they can't go if it will be mixed company.
A few years ago, the hospital department heads were invited to a work retreat in Carmel... the one male department head was asked not to go because the accommodation were two to a room.
So even in 2010... it was still an issue.
Your hospital had better be careful. Telling the one male department head not to attend the retreat is pretty blatant gender discrimination. Imagine if the situation was reversed and the one woman department head was told not to come? If it was really a problem they could have gotten him a single room accommodation.
Seriously, that sounds really bad. If that sort of nonsense continues your hospital is going to end up slapped with a big lawsuit. I'm surprised an organization would be so incredibly stupid about something like this.
I would say if you are spending more than a few hours a week with her and have some physical attraction, it has the potential to go to affair. We can only take educated guesses as no one here has been a "fly on the wall" observing you and her converse for even a second.
Any Physiologist or Marriage Counselor would tell him, it is already an affair. Sex is not required for it to be an affair. It is already an emotional affair. Emotional affairs actually destroy more marriages than sexual affairs. Just ask the experts.
Men and women can never be friends, the sex part always gets in the way. From the movie, When Harry Met Sally.
More on the part of men. I've found this to be true. Be careful.
That's nonsense. Both my wife and I have close friends of the opposite sex, and have done for years. Sometimes we get everybody together for a party, sometimes we just have lunch or drinks after work. People who get into affairs are just immature and unthinking.
Men and women can never be friends, the sex part always gets in the way. From the movie, When Harry Met Sally.
More on the part of men. I've found this to be true. Be careful.
Wrong. I am a straight guy and have had a platonic woman friend for over 30 years. We lived in the same city for half of that time and are now 150 miles apart, but still keep in touch regularly and do things together on occasion.
Harry and Sally was a funny, fictional movie. It is not a guidebook for life.
This friendship is sexual in nature, otherwise the OP would not be posting.
Do not agree. There are many motivations for why the OP could be posting. For example the impression I get from the OP was that he barely questioned this at all - until suddenly his own mother sowed baseless seeds of doubt in his head and now he has been led to doubt himself by a trusted source. He even in a later post on the thread indicated he is now modifying the nature of his relationship with this woman based on those doubts.
A trusted source sowed seeds of doubt where no seeds are warranted and it is messing with the OPs head. I see absolutely _nothing whatsoever_ wrong with single people being friends with married people of the opposite sex. Nothing. And even the husband in this case appears to be aware of it and have no issue.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cav Scout wife
Apparently not the exception, since MANY people here share similar stories.
Yup. The stories on this thread are likely to be self selecting. The Title of the thread is likely to attract people WITH those kind of negative stories that people on the thread are using to tell the OP "no". Those people should be careful about reaching conclusions in the thread based on anecdote alone - when the anecdote is going to be naturally weighted in one direction because of this.
There are plenty of opposite anecdotes out there. I and my partners have several friendships with members of both sexes and there has never been - nor is there any reason to expect - any sort of issue. Negative anecdotes of "nothing to see here" do not tend to get trotted out as readily as people with a story to tell however.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tcoma11
Is the married woman hot? If she's not, then it's ok nothing will happen, if she is hot, then there will be a problem
^ Nonsense. Many men are perfectly capable of acknowledging the attractive nature of another person - without ever having the intention to pursue that themselves. We are not controllless beasts who simply have to jump on every female that we deem to be attractive. Many of my friends are attractive sexually - but I have zero intentions towards them in that regard.
Quote:
Originally Posted by oldtrader
Any Physiologist or Marriage Counselor would tell him
No they would not. Do not try to bolster your own opinion by imaginging people agreeing with you.
Quote:
Originally Posted by oldtrader
It is already an emotional affair.
No. It is not. It is a friendship. People have them. All the time.
Quote:
Originally Posted by oldtrader
Just ask the experts.
Why bother - when we have you to put your words in their mouth for them?
What do you think?
Are you keeping anything secret from her husband?
Do you have a girlfriend?
Does she put off doing things with her husband to spend time with you?
Have you met her husband?
What does he think of the situation?
Do you have any romantic feelings for her at all?
Is she someone you work with?
I am a firm believer that men and women can be friends only even if one the other or both are married to someone else however, I am one of the few who believes this.
I have had and continue to have numerous male friends who I do not and have never had romantic feelings for and they have never had any romantic feelings for me.
My husband also has female friends that he has had for more than 20 years and it does not bother me at all.
As long as you and your friend stay friends, keep things out in the open and she is not taking time away from her family and marriage to spend time with you then things will be fine. If she is someone you work with though I would be careful at work because gossip can cause numerous issues for everyone, even if nothing inappropriate is going on.
Really good advice, especially questions to ask yourself.
The reality is that yes, men and women can be friends, but not all men and women have the capability to be platonic friends, and that is an important distinction. When the OP says "100% platonic, thus far", makes me wonder where he truly stands and if he is being honest with himself and with her.
Do not agree. There are many motivations for why the OP could be posting. For example the impression I get from the OP was that he barely questioned this at all - until suddenly his own mother sowed baseless seeds of doubt in his head and now he has been led to doubt himself by a trusted source. He even in a later post on the thread indicated he is now modifying the nature of his relationship with this woman based on those doubts.
A trusted source sowed seeds of doubt where no seeds are warranted and it is messing with the OPs head. I see absolutely _nothing whatsoever_ wrong with single people being friends with married people of the opposite sex. Nothing. And even the husband in this case appears to be aware of it and have no issue.
Yup. The stories on this thread are likely to be self selecting. The Title of the thread is likely to attract people WITH those kind of negative stories that people on the thread are using to tell the OP "no". Those people should be careful about reaching conclusions in the thread based on anecdote alone - when the anecdote is going to be naturally weighted in one direction because of this.
There are plenty of opposite anecdotes out there. I and my partners have several friendships with members of both sexes and there has never been - nor is there any reason to expect - any sort of issue. Negative anecdotes of "nothing to see here" do not tend to get trotted out as readily as people with a story to tell however.
^ Nonsense. Many men are perfectly capable of acknowledging the attractive nature of another person - without ever having the intention to pursue that themselves. We are not controllless beasts who simply have to jump on every female that we deem to be attractive. Many of my friends are attractive sexually - but I have zero intentions towards them in that regard.
No they would not. Do not try to bolster your own opinion by imaginging people agreeing with you.
No. It is not. It is a friendship. People have them. All the time.
Why bother - when we have you to put your words in their mouth for them?
Great post!
OMG....So?.....if you're married and you have a friend who is the opposite sex, you're having an emotional affair!!!!???? Hahahahahaa What a sick world we live in! How insulting and ignorant some people are. Good grief.
Nothing is hidden. When the husband calls she tells him that she is hanging out with me. She has suggested that I come over and meet the husband.
She's not someone I work with. She goes to my athletic club, we take some of the classes together.
I dont have a girlfriend.
She doesn't put things off with her husband to hang out with me, but the situation is that the husband works a lot. She has told me that he is never around and when he comes home from work he is burned out to do anything.
I wouldn't feel uncomfortable meeting him. In fact, now that you guys Mention it, I will suggest that she brings him to our club.
I should meet the husband there so that the other members see and understand that nothing is going on. I dont want to risk ruining my rep, in case I meet other single women there
Did she ever ask you for personal workout lessons? If so, find out if she is into Yoga. Oh and ask her husband if he likes to come and watch.
* Either way its common sense man, you are single and she is not. If it was me, I would just back off if 'only' you respect folks that are married, but some do not and admit that if this can be more than friendship it works both ways in both persons faults. Really it is common sense, but your a young man and you'll be the only one to know either the easy or hard way due to this lady marriage.
So can this be guilty pleasure?
** Note** There are more weirder folks whom come out of the closet now more openly in our new generation. Maybe he / she /they/ it's are into group exchange and they want to see if you would like to offer your kidney to them
Any Physiologist or Marriage Counselor would tell him, it is already an affair. Sex is not required for it to be an affair. It is already an emotional affair. Emotional affairs actually destroy more marriages than sexual affairs. Just ask the experts.
It sounds like your "expert" is that moron Dr. Phil, who has to feed disfunctional idiots to his audience so they can feel superior.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Great post! 
What a sick world we live in! How insulting and ignorant some people are. Good grief. 
