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Men and women can never be friends, the sex part always gets in the way. From the movie, When Harry Met Sally.
More on the part of men. I've found this to be true. Be careful.
It might work in 1% of the cases but beyond that it generally ends up not good. If I were married I would not want my Wife hanging out with another man, and I would not hang out with a married woman.
In a few months we will be reading another thread by you on this subject, mark my words (and it won't be a HAPPY thread )
If you think it's totally ok they why are you asking your mommy about it? You're an adult in your 20's. I think possibly you're the naive one here - because you said that since she talks about and criticizes people that have affairs that tells me that the topic at least has crossed her mind. Personally, I think she's putting out a "feeler" there to gauge your response when she talks about having an affair. If you don't recoil or seem to think there is anything wrong with a single man having a "friendship" with a married woman - then she may be scoping you out as a possible candidate. Perhaps her husband is ok with it and they are recruiting a third person in their relationship. Or maybe if he sees you together he'll break you in half. You just never know what people have in mind any more. I don't know you or her - but think about what you have to gain or lose in this friendship. Do you have a girlfriend in the picture? You have not indicated if you are gay so I will assume you're not, so your married friend isn't acting like you're one of her "girlfriends" (you know what I mean - hard for me to explain. My cousin had several gay male friends after her husband died that were like girlfriends she hung out with - they liked to shop and gossip and she was comfortable because there was companionship but no fear of intimacy.) Just think twice about this and realize that you may be totally innocent but you may also be helping to ruin someone's marriage.
It's absolutely possible for men and women to be friends, even if one or both are married to other people. Transparency is key. One of my closest friends is a male colleague who is married. There's no attraction or sexual tension between us. If we plan to go out to dinner (we're both foodies and enjoy exploring restaurants), his wife is included in the email. She's welcome to join us, but never does (she knows we'll end up "talking shop").
If we're chatting online, it's on his computer and she's free to read it. Sometimes while he's stepped away, she'll sit down and say "Hi apexgds, it's [wife's name]... how are you?" and she and I will chat for a while.
Of course when others at work hear that we hang out socially, it raises eyebrows, but I couldn't possibly care less.
It probably doesn't work so well if one of the party's is single. Although I have had single male friends too. The complete lack of sexual tension is key. I'm married and personally have married friends of the opposite sex, but I never try to hide my friendships. We include our spouses when appropriate, even invite the couple to events with the two of us. At work we would go out to lunch once or twice a week and hang out at work events, help each other with assignments, questions, etc. My husband is secure in our relationship and he sees the other couple as secure, so it's all cool. If you see your time with her as something that would be disrupted by the presence of her husband, then it's probably not as innocent as all that.
I, too, find the addition of "thus far" telling. It indicates that you foresee the possibility of it going farther. If you really think there's nothing further you would not have added those two words. Tread carefully, and NIP THIS in the bud if you notice her telling you private details of their relationship, or her "inadvertently" touching you. If you are having any thoughts of taking it further than lunch or coffee maybe you need to examine your motives and make some changes.
My ex-hubby started an emotional affair (he claimed it never went further) just this way. A friend at work who needed someone to talk to about her problems. Eventually they became confidantes and became infatuated with one another, resulting in our divorce. Just a cautionary tale to show you how it can get out of hand.
Nothing is hidden. When the husband calls she tells him that she is hanging out with me. She has suggested that I come over and meet the husband.
She's not someone I work with. She goes to my athletic club, we take some of the classes together.
I dont have a girlfriend.
She doesn't put things off with her husband to hang out with me, but the situation is that the husband works a lot. She has told me that he is never around and when he comes home from work he is burned out to do anything.
I wouldn't feel uncomfortable meeting him. In fact, now that you guys Mention it, I will suggest that she brings him to our club.
I should meet the husband there so that the other members see and understand that nothing is going on. I dont want to risk ruining my rep, in case I meet other single women there
Definitely meet the husband, but I think you may be in a grey area with this one. She sounds like she is feeling a little neglected by the hubby. I find it interesting that you slipped again, you said you might meet "other single women". She is not single, so they would not be "other" single women.
If Hubby is involved, it's fine. I have a male friend that occasionally hangs out with my wife. He was my friend first, and we were close from the time we were children. I have no concerns.
Another married friend has a wife that occasionally spends time with me, my wife, or my other friend. The vast majority of the time her husband is there. If I'm there, the primary reason is to see her husband.
In this small group, I have no concerns. No one has any reason to hide anything. If anyone was hiding something, that would be an issue. Of course, my wife is not going out to coffee with anyone but his wife. Hanging out with the other guys is more of an incidental issue. In my example, every person involved has lived under my roof at some point. (IE, moving to town and needing somewhere to stay while they closed on a house)
If my wife was hanging out with a guy that I didn't know, that would be a problem. If I like them enough to offer them our guest bedroom, not a problem.
She doesn't put things off with her husband to hang out with me, but the situation is that the husband works a lot. She has told me that he is never around and when he comes home from work he is burned out to do anything.
I see a bad moon rising. . .
Pretense right there.
At some point, you'll go out and have a few drinks instead of coffee.
WARNING!
Been there, not quite done that, but it could have easily gone the other way.
It's been said that if you learn from your own mistakes, you would be a very smart person. And, if you can learn from other peoples' mistakes, you would be a genius. Take this opportunity to be a genius.
Sorecently I have been hanging out with a married woman. She is just a cool person and we have done things such as get coffee. my mother however, is very concerned about our a platonic relationship. She says that I have to be careful because she's married and that it could potentially lead to problems later on.she says that the friendship is just a gateway into and aN affair later on.
for further color, our relationship really has been 100 percent platonic thus far. At first I also was uneasy about hanging out with a married woman alone, but when we talk about stuff she mentions other people that she knows and criticizes those who have affairs. This led me to believe that nothing could ever potentially happen between us and gave me a sense of security that this would never happen.
she and I are both young, in our mid twenties.is our relationship fine and the appropriate or are we just being Naive?
hmmmm......seems to me you are on a slippery slope.
Listen to your mother - she's lived longer than you and sees the future much better.
And because she knows you and loves you, her advice is better than any you'll get here.
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