friendship with married woman (boyfriend, female, introducing, partner)

[belladee]

I had a very good guy friend when i was married. I have no interest whatsoever in him other than as a friend. After my divorce he tried to sleep with me. I have had male friends all my life and it always turns out that one person of the 2 interested more than a friend.

If she is hiding it from her husband then chances are very good that she is hiding it because she is emotionally cheating. Then she will be turning to you instead of her husband for fun, advice, attention etc.. not good for a marriage

[metamorphosis]

Originally Posted by cancerous

Sorecently I have been hanging out with a married woman. She is just a cool person and we have done things such as get coffee. my mother however, is very concerned about our a platonic relationship. She says that I have to be careful because she's married and that it could potentially lead to problems later on.she says that the friendship is just a gateway into and aN affair later on.

for further color, our relationship really has been 100 percent platonic thus far. At first I also was uneasy about hanging out with a married woman alone, but when we talk about stuff she mentions other people that she knows and criticizes those who have affairs. This led me to believe that nothing could ever potentially happen between us and gave me a sense of security that this would never happen.

she and I are both young, in our mid twenties.is our relationship fine and the appropriate or are we just being Naive?

Both of you are either naive or disrespectful of the committed relationship/man to whom she is married.

What she SAYS about people having affairs is hooey. It means nothing. She can change her mind at any moment. Or she could "justify" crossing the line at any time. Whatever she is getting from her relationship with you is what she should be working on in her marriage. Whatever you are getting from her, you can get elsewhere without the impending drama.

My ex-SO and I used to sit and watch movies together and snuggle on the couch. If he saw a guy in the movie even begin to have unfaithful thoughts, he was making comments about how wrong that was. He always told me how he would never do that to me, that he loved me, blah, blah, blah. Guess who ended up cheating?

Don't ever think that it won't happen to you. Because it can happen. It does happen.

Get out now. You are not doing yourself any favors. You are only there for the excitement of the forbidden fruit. It would get really exciting if her husband showed up at your door with a shotgun. Dramatic? Yes. Has it happened before? Yes. Loads of fun? Probably not.

[Mnseca]

Originally Posted by cancerous

Sorecently I have been hanging out with a married woman. She is just a cool person and we have done things such as get coffee. my mother however, is very concerned about our a platonic relationship. She says that I have to be careful because she's married and that it could potentially lead to problems later on.she says that the friendship is just a gateway into and aN affair later on.

for further color, our relationship really has been 100 percent platonic thus far. At first I also was uneasy about hanging out with a married woman alone, but when we talk about stuff she mentions other people that she knows and criticizes those who have affairs. This led me to believe that nothing could ever potentially happen between us and gave me a sense of security that this would never happen.

she and I are both young, in our mid twenties.is our relationship fine and the appropriate or are we just being Naive?

Yes, totally naive. Also, immature and flirting with danger. This is why people in their 20's shouldn't get married. I predict a short lifespan for her marriage. Your mother knows what she is talking about - for once, listen to her.

[hal2814]

Originally Posted by cancerous

Sorecently I have been hanging out with a married woman. She is just a cool person and we have done things such as get coffee. my mother however, is very concerned about our a platonic relationship. She says that I have to be careful because she's married and that it could potentially lead to problems later on.she says that the friendship is just a gateway into and aN affair later on.

for further color, our relationship really has been 100 percent platonic thus far. At first I also was uneasy about hanging out with a married woman alone, but when we talk about stuff she mentions other people that she knows and criticizes those who have affairs. This led me to believe that nothing could ever potentially happen between us and gave me a sense of security that this would never happen.

she and I are both young, in our mid twenties.is our relationship fine and the appropriate or are we just being Naive?

Your mom knows you better and the situation better than we do. Listen to her. Personally, if I have to question whether or not I can be platonic friends with someone then I shouldn't.

[jm31828]

I think it's a slippery slope. It's not even just about any potential sexual attraction, but there are emotional boundaries as well that can get blurred in cases like this. I guess to flip it around, if you were married, would you feel comfortable with your wife going off alone for coffee "dates" alone with another guy on a regular basis? And the question has to be asked about whether every detail of what you did and talked about can be shared with her spouse- if that whole connection and all topics of conversation and all activities are completely pure and innocent and platonic then there is nothing to hide and she could maybe get away with feeling she's on the high ground in not expecting any distrust from her husband. But it seems that is not usually the case- usually there is some little tiny connection that gets made, where the person is not quite comfortable expressing how close they are with this other person, knowing that bond is getting a little too close to admit to their spouse, because it crosses one of those emotional boundaries. After all, being unfaithful can be about far more than just sex, developing feelings for someone is a form of cheating as well.

I think many of even the most secure, non-jealous spouses on both sides would be a bit uneasy with this. The only way I think this works well is if you were a good friend to both this woman and her husband, like a best friend that hangs out with both of them together all the time- in that case the spouse wouldn't have any 2nd thoughts about you and his wife occasionally hanging out, as he'd feel more confident that you are trustworthy.

[Julian658]

Originally Posted by BusyMeAK

Wrong. My best friend, the only friend I can say I really do love, is a male. He is the best friend of my husband, too. Never had any romantic feelings towards him, even though he is a true macho and very intellectual, that is very significant part of men's charm for me.

Main difference here is that he is also your husband's best friend and that is a HUGE barrier for an affair.

[Julian658]

Originally Posted by Cav Scout wife

I disagree, I have quite a few male friends and my husband has no problem with me hanging out with them, with or without hubby being there.

When I was in the Marine Corps, my MOS was mostly male dominated, so I learned very quickly to cultivate platonic relationships with men, w/o physical attraction getting in the way.

It's very possible.

And kids can cross the street without looking for incoming cars. This is also possible, but not advisable. You are preaching by the exception to the rule.

[tottsieanna]

Originally Posted by Cav Scout wife

I disagree, I have quite a few male friends and my husband has no problem with me hanging out with them, with or without hubby being there.

When I was in the Marine Corps, my MOS was mostly male dominated, so I learned very quickly to cultivate platonic relationships with men, w/o physical attraction getting in the way.

It's very possible.



Exactly!

The difference is your husband knows your freinds and there are no secrets. If the other spouse does not know and most likely would not like it and it gets more personal that is when it can be risky.

[monumentus]

Originally Posted by cancerous

she says that the friendship is just a gateway into and aN affair later on.

Archaic notion that you would do well to ignore. Only you know the nature of your friendship. No one else can tell you it.

Originally Posted by cancerous

she and I are both young, in our mid twenties.is our relationship fine and the appropriate or are we just being Naive?

I see nothing wrong with it. Nor has anyone on the thread so far successfully shown anything is wrong with it. Proceed! - is my advice.

Originally Posted by Clemencia53

Men and women can never be friends

Except they can. Often. All the time. So you are simply wrong in this - which likely stems from taking relationship advice from holywood movies.

Originally Posted by whitelotus

Agree.....there are plenty single, available, interesting women out there....why not find one of them?

Perhaps because people do not choose friendships based on mere availability of the product. Nor do friendships suddenly end when someone you are friends with cease to be single. If I ditched my friends every time they stopped being single I would have no friends left.

Originally Posted by don1945

In a few months we will be reading another thread by you on this subject, mark my words (and it won't be a HAPPY thread

I see no plausible statistical rreason on which to base any such prediction.

Originally Posted by lovesMountains

Listen to your mother - she's lived longer than you and sees the future much better.

Age does not give people the ability to see the future. More likely age leaves you with opinions based on nothing but your own personal anecdotal experience. There is a "once bitten twice shy" attitude running through all the negative posts on this thread. "I was there and this happened" "Been there done that". As if a single personal anecdote warrants people to make a universal generalisation on the entire kind of relationship.

Get over it.

Men and women are friends all the time - be they single or involved at the time.

Originally Posted by lovesMountains

And because she knows you and loves you, her advice is better than any you'll get here.

No it is not. It is no better than any one elses - let alone anyone here. In fact her emotional investment and the common parental fear of things going wrong like compromise the quality of her advice making it WORSE than that of people here who are not invested - not biased - and not involved.

Originally Posted by Pinkmani

Two words: Emotional affair

One word: Friendships.

Ones ability to utter a word does not automatically make the word applicable in the context.

Originally Posted by metamorphosis

Both of you are either naive or disrespectful of the committed relationship/man to whom she is married.

I see no disrespect on either of their parts. Did you perhaps read a different OP to the one I read? People are allowed have friends - being in a relationship does not change that at all.

[jim9251]

My bff for years is a married woman. And yes her husband knows. I have ZERO desire for sex with her, ew. But we get along great, talk about anything, and just are good together. But as FRIENDS, like buddies. So yeah, it can happen.