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I know we got off the original thread with all the bad teacher talk. But I do have a serious question in regards to not liking Indiana. I have been here a while now, still adjusting, still finding my place etc. But one thing that is driving me nuts and not sure if its just a South Bend thing or not, but are people in Indiana paranoid?
I lived in places where people are gruff or unapproachable. I get that. But eventually people open up. Here, not so much. Its very hard to make any sort of connection. Everyone is friendly with the "how are you's" but beyond that a wall goes up. Almost seems passive aggressive. Here are some examples of what my family has encountered and what makes us want to eventually move.
Example 1, I recently started meeting parents of a group at my child's school. One person in particular became cautiously friendly with me. I figured over time we would get to know each other more. Any general questions I would ask, I get responses like "yup" or "something like that". This person told me several times about the stress of not having a job. Something I totally understand. Recently this person got a job and was excited about it. I gave my congrats and asked what they would be doing. Instantly the wall came up and it was obvious this person did not want to tell me what they are doing or who they work for. Conversation was over.
Example 2, my child recently asked several classmates what they got for xmas. The response was "Why would you want to know that? Are you gonna rob me?" (seriously????)
Example 3, a co worker of my husband asked several questions on where we live, what school our child goes too etc. This person lives in our area. When my husband asked this person the same questions. Again the wall goes up and the responses were "in the area" "something like that" and "sorta". We still have no idea where this person lives or if his children attend school with ours. But he knows all about us.
Example 4, another co worker of my husband lives by us, somewhere. He offered to come by and help my husband with a project once. Friendly terms. So my husband casually mentioned that maybe they could have a beer and watch a football game. My husband said I know you live by me, but what street? The response, "Why so you can rob me?"
I mean COME ON! I would say this is a fluke if it wasn't for more than one person. I understand South Bend has crime and people may be cautious but this is down right paranoia. It is very difficult to make any friends if people are this tight lipped or paranoid. It just makes us want to do our 5 yr sentence and relocate out of the area. My husband and i are pretty straight forward people. We are not thieves or killers. When people ask us questions, we answer them. I just dont get it.
I've found that the farther north you go, the colder it gets. Not just the weather , but also referring to attitudes and dispositions. It's not necessarily that people are rude, but rather they seem less willing to be outwardly friendly. Of course this isn't everyone, it's just in general. I don't know if it's a northern attitude or the fact that there are more people in the area with the big city Chicago background or what. Again, it's clearly not every single person and I'm not necessarily saying that people there aren't friendly, but from my personal experiences in far northern Indiana and far southern Michigan I've seen this disposition much more than in Indy and definitely more than in point farther south.
I know we got off the original thread with all the bad teacher talk. But I do have a serious question in regards to not liking Indiana. I have been here a while now, still adjusting, still finding my place etc. But one thing that is driving me nuts and not sure if its just a South Bend thing or not, but are people in Indiana paranoid?
I lived in places where people are gruff or unapproachable. I get that. But eventually people open up. Here, not so much. Its very hard to make any sort of connection. Everyone is friendly with the "how are you's" but beyond that a wall goes up. Almost seems passive aggressive. Here are some examples of what my family has encountered and what makes us want to eventually move.
Example 1, I recently started meeting parents of a group at my child's school. One person in particular became cautiously friendly with me. I figured over time we would get to know each other more. Any general questions I would ask, I get responses like "yup" or "something like that". This person told me several times about the stress of not having a job. Something I totally understand. Recently this person got a job and was excited about it. I gave my congrats and asked what they would be doing. Instantly the wall came up and it was obvious this person did not want to tell me what they are doing or who they work for. Conversation was over.
Example 2, my child recently asked several classmates what they got for xmas. The response was "Why would you want to know that? Are you gonna rob me?" (seriously????)
Example 3, a co worker of my husband asked several questions on where we live, what school our child goes too etc. This person lives in our area. When my husband asked this person the same questions. Again the wall goes up and the responses were "in the area" "something like that" and "sorta". We still have no idea where this person lives or if his children attend school with ours. But he knows all about us.
Example 4, another co worker of my husband lives by us, somewhere. He offered to come by and help my husband with a project once. Friendly terms. So my husband casually mentioned that maybe they could have a beer and watch a football game. My husband said I know you live by me, but what street? The response, "Why so you can rob me?"
I mean COME ON! I would say this is a fluke if it wasn't for more than one person. I understand South Bend has crime and people may be cautious but this is down right paranoia. It is very difficult to make any friends if people are this tight lipped or paranoid. It just makes us want to do our 5 yr sentence and relocate out of the area. My husband and i are pretty straight forward people. We are not thieves or killers. When people ask us questions, we answer them. I just dont get it.
This does not suprise me at all, and that is not meant in a bad way .. That's why in another thread I said: I know what to exspect when I move back to Indiana. You and your husband need to do reverse physcology on these ppl. Next time they ask you where you live say: Why so you can rob me! I am sure they will be taken a back and lighten up. It might work with some and some it might not, but it's worth trying I am no expert, this is just my opinion. Good Luck and Hang in there!!!!!
I totally agree with you MissingIndiana...We lived up by Lake Erie for a year and I told my husband I have never met more cold and stale ppl in my life...wow!!! What is it about living around water that some ppl do seem so cold and stale, just curious?????
Last edited by ChickeyDuck; 01-06-2010 at 11:53 PM..
I've found that the farther north you go, the colder it gets. Not just the weather , but also referring to attitudes and dispositions. It's not necessarily that people are rude, but rather they seem less willing to be outwardly friendly. Of course this isn't everyone, it's just in general. I don't know if it's a northern attitude or the fact that there are more people in the area with the big city Chicago background or what. Again, it's clearly not every single person and I'm not necessarily saying that people there aren't friendly, but from my personal experiences in far northern Indiana and far southern Michigan I've seen this disposition much more than in Indy and definitely more than in point farther south.
You might have something there. Interesting though, the people that I am referring to are born and breed in Northern Indiana.
It has been our experience that the people in Indy and southern Indiana tend to be a bit more friendly and welcoming than those in the north. The exception is the Ft. Wayne area where people have always been friendly and kind to us.
Again, these are only our experiences and not meant to be a generalization. I inherited a cottage on a lake in the north central area which is where we originally settled in Indiana and we found that we weren't exactly welcomed with open arms (this is in a small town too which may have some bearing). When we moved to Bloomington, it was like a different world. Our neighbors welcomed us, bearing smiles, casseroles and "Welcome to the neighborhood". People in Indy have always been friendly and welcoming, from the clerks in the gas station to the people in retail to the business people downtown.
I've never lived in the region or in South Bend, so I can't offer an opinion based on personal experience.
Growing up in your area of the state, I completely sympathize and know what you are talking about! My parents moved to their house, the house where I grew up in 1968 and they are STILL treated like strangers in that town! Growing up in that environment, I didn't know any different, other than when I went to college near Fort Wayne, it took me months to get used to people just coming up and saying 'hello" and starting conversations ... and then hugging! ugh! being hugged by people other than your family (!!!!!!).
The whole "so you can rob me" thing is just stinking weird. here's what's even more weird ... the people that are saying that to you probably think they are making a funny ... seriously, that's just straight up twisted dark humor, so come on fallingwater!!! get with the program!!!! just kidding ... I am really sorry. I have a feeling that with the economy in shambles, particularly up there, the stupid passive aggressive comments float to the surface like a ... well ... you know.
i guess if i were to get one of those stupid comments to a question or show of concern, I'd say 'what's wrong with you?" and then you'd really see a retreat.
Growing up in your area of the state, I completely sympathize and know what you are talking about! My parents moved to their house, the house where I grew up in 1968 and they are STILL treated like strangers in that town! Growing up in that environment, I didn't know any different, other than when I went to college near Fort Wayne, it took me months to get used to people just coming up and saying 'hello" and starting conversations ... and then hugging! ugh! being hugged by people other than your family (!!!!!!).
The whole "so you can rob me" thing is just stinking weird. here's what's even more weird ... the people that are saying that to you probably think they are making a funny ... seriously, that's just straight up twisted dark humor, so come on fallingwater!!! get with the program!!!! just kidding ... I am really sorry. I have a feeling that with the economy in shambles, particularly up there, the stupid passive aggressive comments float to the surface like a ... well ... you know.
i guess if i were to get one of those stupid comments to a question or show of concern, I'd say 'what's wrong with you?" and then you'd really see a retreat.
MUAHAhahahaha.... Oh lighten up, grouchy ole lady..said with a smile
I've noticed this paranoia as well, moreso after moving back to Indiana upon leaving. Mainly because leaving the state and going to all the "scary" places I heard about on the news was actually a great experience. And yes, I did experience thefts once or twice, and it was really not such a big deal.
I think there's something about living in a spread-out suburban or exurban environment that engenders paranoia. When your nearest neighbor is a few hundred yards to miles away, you feel isolated and vunerable. You start wondering if that slow-driving car is casing your house and how you can defend your exposed sitting-duck house and posessions. At least that's how I feel. I never considered buying a gun in some of the not-so desirable sections of Los Angeles, and certainly never when I was abroad, but the concept doesn't seem so alien in Indiana.
The paranoia seems to extend to the state government as well, as it seems like they jump at the chance to enact anti-terror measures like the RealID driver's liscense thing, or being very restrictive when it comes to issuing any document or permit to legal immigrants.
LOL Domergurl! We were always a huggy/kissy family and friends were huggy/kissy where I grew up. The first Indiana town we lived in, I learned very quickly that people value their personal space. After unlearning huggy/kissy, we moved to Bloomington, where huggy/kissy is a-ok. Funny how just a slight change in location makes all of the difference.
LOL Domergurl! We were always a huggy/kissy family and friends were huggy/kissy where I grew up. The first Indiana town we lived in, I learned very quickly that people value their personal space. After unlearning huggy/kissy, we moved to Bloomington, where huggy/kissy is a-ok. Funny how just a slight change in location makes all of the difference.
Ha, yeah, there's a lot that goes on in Bloomington that wouldn't really fly in many other parts of the state, even in the southern half. I generally don't like people touching me until I've decided I like you and you're my friend. Then it's hugs for everyone that wants one.
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But I do have a serious question in regards to not liking Indiana. I have been here a while now, still adjusting, still finding my place etc. But one thing that is driving me nuts and not sure if its just a South Bend thing or not, but are people in Indiana paranoid? 
, but also referring to attitudes and dispositions. It's not necessarily that people are rude, but rather they seem less willing to be outwardly friendly. Of course this isn't everyone, it's just in general. I don't know if it's a northern attitude or the fact that there are more people in the area with the big city Chicago background or what. Again, it's clearly not every single person and I'm not necessarily saying that people there aren't friendly, but from my personal experiences in far northern Indiana and far southern Michigan I've seen this disposition much more than in Indy and definitely more than in point farther south.
After unlearning huggy/kissy, we moved to Bloomington, where huggy/kissy is a-ok. Funny how just a slight change in location makes all of the difference.
