"Those were the best days of my life" (relatives, vacation)
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I believe the balance lies somewhere between striving and relaxing. Maybe that sounds simplistic. But while there is great joy in reaching a goal, there is also great joy in unexpected pleasures - and I don't know which one brings more joy to individuals at the end of the day.
When I was married to my husband, I was cognizant enough to appreciate the dogs and a cup of coffee, out on the patio with him, overlooking our beautiful property, in the mornings. I was also cognizant of the new fence that he and I put up together, the pool that we had both worked hard to be able to afford, etc. So it was a mixture of goals we'd met and simpler joys. For instance, it may sound trite but no amount of work I do can ever produce that scent that fills the air after a spring rain. No amount of goal setting or goal reaching on my part can ever produce the love of a puppy. Nothing I WANT to do can ever produce the smell of a cup of coffee or the taste of a blackberry that's been warming in the sun all day or the sweetness of a newborn baby's breath when they yawn. Life without those things, or similar things, that we don't produce and may not even know we want them till we're struck by them (or till we miss them) would be sad indeed.
A big part of being able to enjoy the simple things is building and tending to the big things. So, a nice place to live, a nice someone to live with, financial security, interesting activities. We need to put ourselves in position to appreciate the simple and sublime physicality of our planet and our universe. That takes focused and directed action and decision making over many years. I think hard work and simple pleasures go hand in hand.
A big part of being able to enjoy the simple things is building and tending to the big things. So, a nice place to live, a nice someone to live with, financial security, interesting activities. We need to put ourselves in position to appreciate the simple and sublime physicality of our planet and our universe. That takes focused and directed action and decision making over many years. I think hard work and simple pleasures go hand in hand.
They can but one doesn't depend on the other.
Some of my happiest days (and I knew they were happy days) were when my oldest daughter was a baby and my husband and I had nothing - we hadn't even accomplished much at all in those days. He was in the military and we lived in Maryland and I remember so well the striking beauty of fall leaves on some branches, out of a tree behind the housing (which looked like "the projects") in a Mason jar in the center of the table that was on loan from the military - that's how we furnished our apartment.
There were no curtains on the windows, and a ray of gorgeous sunlight was shining through the window and it landed on that simple jar of branches and it was absolutely gorgeous. And my beautiful baby was laying asleep in her porta crib, and we probably had about $3 in our checking account but I felt absolutely 100 percent blessed.
I think I was about 22. I hadn't finished college. Neither had my husband (though he eventually did and became an officer - but at the time he was about an E -4). I remember wondering if I had enough gas (or enough money to buy gas) to go pick up my WIC vouchers, because that was the only way I could "buy" food to feed my daughter. But I did have enough, barely.
We had one car and one bike. My husband rode that bike to work whenever I needed the car. Otherwise, I just stayed home.
We used to walk around the mall as a date. I mean, we couldn't BUY anything, but we could at least get to the mall and back. I went at least five years without drinking a soda - not because I was so concerned about my health, but because sodas were expensive but water and iced tea weren't.
Coffee was a luxury but I had it and I loved sitting by an open window in the morning, smelling the fresh air and drinking that coffee, with a baby or a puppy or a kitten by my side.
My marriage, which eventually ended in divorce, wasn't particularly happy. My husband didn't make good money. We didn't have a nice house or even a nice apartment, though it was very clean. It was furnished by the Army. It was on the second or third floor. It had no yard. We had no money. We had no college degrees. We had no assurance that my husband would even finish college, let alone get into Officer Candidate School. We lived far away from any family.
But those were beautiful days and I was incredibly happy - with my daughter, with my leaves in the jar, with my clean apartment, with my very used car - life was good because the leaves were beautiful and the baby was healthy and cheerful.
Now - fast forward in life to my forties. I was divorced but I met the love of my life and got remarried when I was 43. He was 48. We enjoyed many things in life - great vacations, beautiful homes, nice vehicles, boats, fine dining, you name it. And our achievements financially made these things possible, and I have many FANTASTIC memories of such a comfortable life, with plenty of money and very little debt (eventually none). We went to Europe many times (some of my favorite holidays) but we also went to Maine, Boston, the Grand Canyon, New Orleans over and over again, Virginia, DC, etc. I still love decorating and I love the ability to just go buy something I need or want. My home is beautiful, and get this - coffee still tastes great and I still love sitting on the patio with my dogs in the morning. But I could and did do that when I was poor as a church mouse too.
Location: Formerly Pleasanton Ca, now in Marietta Ga
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Quote:
Originally Posted by KathrynAragon
They can but one doesn't depend on the other.
Some of my happiest days (and I knew they were happy days) were when my oldest daughter was a baby and my husband and I had nothing - we hadn't even accomplished much at all in those days. He was in the military and we lived in Maryland and I remember so well the striking beauty of fall leaves on some branches, out of a tree behind the housing (which looked like "the projects") in a Mason jar in the center of the table that was on loan from the military - that's how we furnished our apartment.
There were no curtains on the windows, and a ray of gorgeous sunlight was shining through the window and it landed on that simple jar of branches and it was absolutely gorgeous. And my beautiful baby was laying asleep in her porta crib, and we probably had about $3 in our checking account but I felt absolutely 100 percent blessed.
I think I was about 22. I hadn't finished college. Neither had my husband (though he eventually did and became an officer - but at the time he was about an E -4). I remember wondering if I had enough gas (or enough money to buy gas) to go pick up my WIC vouchers, because that was the only way I could "buy" food to feed my daughter. But I did have enough, barely.
We had one car and one bike. My husband rode that bike to work whenever I needed the car. Otherwise, I just stayed home.
We used to walk around the mall as a date. I mean, we couldn't BUY anything, but we could at least get to the mall and back. I went at least five years without drinking a soda - not because I was so concerned about my health, but because sodas were expensive but water and iced tea weren't.
Coffee was a luxury but I had it and I loved sitting by an open window in the morning, smelling the fresh air and drinking that coffee, with a baby or a puppy or a kitten by my side.
My marriage, which eventually ended in divorce, wasn't particularly happy. My husband didn't make good money. We didn't have a nice house or even a nice apartment, though it was very clean. It was furnished by the Army. It was on the second or third floor. It had no yard. We had no money. We had no college degrees. We had no assurance that my husband would even finish college, let alone get into Officer Candidate School. We lived far away from any family.
But those were beautiful days and I was incredibly happy - with my daughter, with my leaves in the jar, with my clean apartment, with my very used car - life was good because the leaves were beautiful and the baby was healthy and cheerful.
Now - fast forward in life to my forties. I was divorced but I met the love of my life and got remarried when I was 43. He was 48. We enjoyed many things in life - great vacations, beautiful homes, nice vehicles, boats, fine dining, you name it. And our achievements financially made these things possible, and I have many FANTASTIC memories of such a comfortable life, with plenty of money and very little debt (eventually none). We went to Europe many times (some of my favorite holidays) but we also went to Maine, Boston, the Grand Canyon, New Orleans over and over again, Virginia, DC, etc. I still love decorating and I love the ability to just go buy something I need or want. My home is beautiful, and get this - coffee still tastes great and I still love sitting on the patio with my dogs in the morning. But I could and did do that when I was poor as a church mouse too.
Some of my happiest days (and I knew they were happy days) were when my oldest daughter was a baby and my husband and I had nothing - we hadn't even accomplished much at all in those days. He was in the military and we lived in Maryland and I remember so well the striking beauty of fall leaves on some branches, out of a tree behind the housing (which looked like "the projects") in a Mason jar in the center of the table that was on loan from the military - that's how we furnished our apartment.
There were no curtains on the windows, and a ray of gorgeous sunlight was shining through the window and it landed on that simple jar of branches and it was absolutely gorgeous. And my beautiful baby was laying asleep in her porta crib, and we probably had about $3 in our checking account but I felt absolutely 100 percent blessed.
I think I was about 22. I hadn't finished college. Neither had my husband (though he eventually did and became an officer - but at the time he was about an E -4). I remember wondering if I had enough gas (or enough money to buy gas) to go pick up my WIC vouchers, because that was the only way I could "buy" food to feed my daughter. But I did have enough, barely.
We had one car and one bike. My husband rode that bike to work whenever I needed the car. Otherwise, I just stayed home.
We used to walk around the mall as a date. I mean, we couldn't BUY anything, but we could at least get to the mall and back. I went at least five years without drinking a soda - not because I was so concerned about my health, but because sodas were expensive but water and iced tea weren't.
Coffee was a luxury but I had it and I loved sitting by an open window in the morning, smelling the fresh air and drinking that coffee, with a baby or a puppy or a kitten by my side.
My marriage, which eventually ended in divorce, wasn't particularly happy. My husband didn't make good money. We didn't have a nice house or even a nice apartment, though it was very clean. It was furnished by the Army. It was on the second or third floor. It had no yard. We had no money. We had no college degrees. We had no assurance that my husband would even finish college, let alone get into Officer Candidate School. We lived far away from any family.
But those were beautiful days and I was incredibly happy - with my daughter, with my leaves in the jar, with my clean apartment, with my very used car - life was good because the leaves were beautiful and the baby was healthy and cheerful.
Now - fast forward in life to my forties. I was divorced but I met the love of my life and got remarried when I was 43. He was 48. We enjoyed many things in life - great vacations, beautiful homes, nice vehicles, boats, fine dining, you name it. And our achievements financially made these things possible, and I have many FANTASTIC memories of such a comfortable life, with plenty of money and very little debt (eventually none). We went to Europe many times (some of my favorite holidays) but we also went to Maine, Boston, the Grand Canyon, New Orleans over and over again, Virginia, DC, etc. I still love decorating and I love the ability to just go buy something I need or want. My home is beautiful, and get this - coffee still tastes great and I still love sitting on the patio with my dogs in the morning. But I could and did do that when I was poor as a church mouse too.
You sound like you have spent a life DOING THINGS. And that’s the point. Having a baby is productive, being good enough to be valued by another to the point of getting married and having that baby is productive. Production comes in many forms, and indicates an active life worth living. Achieving love is even its own form of productivity. You had to have been worth it to someone, and that’s not trivial. Being productive is also possible without money. Because being productive refers to doing things, not having things. Although money makes it fun. And earning money should be fun if you have the right job that leverages your talent correctly.
I will retire in a few years if I make it that far, but my retirement will be busy. I’m up at 5AM most days, even when I have nothing of immediate importance to do with my deals or appraisals. By lunchtime, I’ve usually got a list of things accomplished. That’s the way I like it.
You can simply block me and stop responding. Or else you’re just going to get yourself agitated and then we’ll have to signal for the attendants again.
Or you could simply support your claims instead of continuously lamely attempting to avoid the fact that your opinions are meaningless to anyone other than you regardless of what you wish them to be.
You sound like you have spent a life DOING THINGS. And that’s the point. Having a baby is productive, being good enough to be valued by another to the point of getting married and having that baby is productive. Production comes in many forms, and indicates an active life worth living. Achieving love is even its own form of productivity. You had to have been worth it to someone, and that’s not trivial. Being productive is also possible without money. Because being productive refers to doing things, not having things. Although money makes it fun. And earning money should be fun if you have the right job that leverages your talent correctly.
I will retire in a few years if I make it that far, but my retirement will be busy. I’m up at 5AM most days, even when I have nothing of immediate importance to do with my deals or appraisals. By lunchtime, I’ve usually got a list of things accomplished. That’s the way I like it.
You're moving the goal posts though when you now say that a good life is spent DOING THINGS. (Your words, not mine.) First you were saying that a good life has to have goals. Now it's productivity. That's pretty ambiguous honestly. Most people can say they are productive, or "worth it" to someone, etc.
I'm glad you're a busy person but your way of measuring quality of life doesn't translate into everyone else's quality of life. That's my point.
You're moving the goal posts though when you now say that a good life is spent DOING THINGS. (Your words, not mine.) First you were saying that a good life has to have goals. Now it's productivity. That's pretty ambiguous honestly. Most people can say they are productive, or "worth it" to someone, etc.
I'm glad you're a busy person but your way of measuring quality of life doesn't translate into everyone else's quality of life. That's my point.
That’s true. And the conversation has been drifiting. No specific activities define quality of life and happiness. But all human lives in all cultures and at all times require the two basics of productive accomplishment and the love of others. It’s just simply our basic nature.
I have to say I have had a pretty good, easy life, and have enjoyed all phases of it. Being a teenager in the mid to late 70's was just the best though. I was young, no real responsibilities, life was easy. My husband and I were married for 9 years before we had kids. Lots of time to ourselves and to spend time together with friends. That was a great time too. But being a mom to my children all through their young lives doesn't compare to any other time. And now we are less than 2 years from retirement and enjoying the grandchildren. I know this next phase is going to be just as great.
The best days of my life was when I escaped to college, and to grad school, on rides attributable to National Merit Scholarship placement (college) and undergraduate publication (grad school). Three hots and a cot. No stress other than academic production, at which I excelled.
A first generation American, I knew that the rest of my life would consist of duty to family. I really enjoyed those stress-free years, though.
I give gratitude every day that God gave me adequate raw material to fulfill my duty. Without the God-given infrastructure - which was an accident of birth - I would not have been able to give my children a leg up, no matter how many hours I put in, or to whom I genuflected.
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