Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I'm sad. I tried to post a joke but it wouldnt let me say the world f-a-n-n-y. I never thought of that as a bad word...and it was a cute joke, too. Oh well. It was just a woman's name too...like the first name, you know? Hmmm.
I'm sad. I tried to post a joke but it wouldnt let me say the world f-a-n-n-y. I never thought of that as a bad word...and it was a cute joke, too. Oh well. It was just a woman's name too...like the first name, you know? Hmmm.
Well try it again and separate the word like you just did! I'm sure it will be funny and sure to make many laugh!
Okay, here we go>keep in mind, some of the beliefs represented in the joke are not my own but it's still a funny one.
Three couples died while vacationing together and found themselves standing before the Pearly Gates. St. Peter said to the first man:
"Why do you think you deserve to be let into heaven?"
"Well", said the first husband "I was a good man and I went to church every Sunday."
"Yes, " acknowledged St. Peter, "But you were also a miser. You were so stingy that you even married a woman named Penny. You must spend some time in purgatory."
As the first man led his wife down the path to purgatory, the second man approached Peter.
" I know I deserve to live in heaven. " he said "I was definitely not stingy. I was generous and I sent all my children to college."
"Indeed. " said Peter "but you also were an alcoholic. You loved drinking so much that you married a woman named Sherry. You too must go to purgatory."
As the 2nd couple began to follow the first couple down the path, Peter turned to the 3rd man only to see that he was already following the others, leading his wife by the hand.
"You aren't going to state your case as well, my brother?" asked Peter.
"Nah. C'mon F-a-n-n-y. "
(Now, I think it loses something spelling the name out that way but it's the only way I could post my joke.) LOL
NO PARENT LEFT BEHIND.... I promise you cannot read these and not laugh
out loud. These are real notes written by parents in various school districts. Spellings have been left intact.
1. My son is under a doctor's care and should not take PE today. Please execute him.
2. Please exkuce lisa for being absent she was sick and i had her shot.
3. Dear school: please ecsc's john being absent on jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32 and also 33.
4. Please excuse gloria from jim today. She is administrating.
5. Please excuse roland from p.e. for a few days. Yesterday he fell out of a tree and misplaced his hip.
6. John has been absent because he had two teeth taken out of his face.
7. Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football. He was hurt in the growing part.
8. Megan could not come to school today because she has been bothered by very close veins.
9. Chris will not be in school cus he has an acre in his side.
10. Please excuse ray friday from school. He has very loose vowels.
11. Please excuse Lesli from being absent yesterday. She had diahre dyrea direathe - the sh**s.
12. Please excuse tommy for being absent yesterday. He had diarrhea, and his boots leak.
13. Irving was absent yesterday because he missed his bust.
14. Please excuse jimmy for being. It was his father's fault.
15. I kept Billie home because she had to go Christmas shopping because i don't know what size she wear.
16. Please excuse jennifer for missing school yesterday. We forgot to get the sunday paper off the porch, and when we found it monday. We thought it was sunday.
17. Sally won't be in school a week from friday. We have to attend her funeral.
18. My daughter was absent yesterday because she was tired. She spent a
weekend with the marines.
19. Please excuse Jason for being absent yesterday. He had a cold and could not breed well.
20. Please excuse mary for being absent yesterday. She was in bed with gramps.
21. Gloria was absent yesterday as she was having a gangover.
22. Please excuse brenda. She has been sick and under the doctor.
23. Maryann was absent december 11-16, because she had a fever, sorethroat, headache and upset stomach. Her sister was also sick, fever an sore throat, her brother had a low grade fever and ached all over. I wasn't the best either, sore throat and fever. There must be something going around, her father even got hot last night.
Now we know why parents are screaming for better education for our kids.
That was hilarious mams!! All I can say is thank goodness for spell check!!! LOL ..... I would have given you reps.... but ... well you know the routine!
Becoming Illegal (Actual letter from an Iowa resident and sent to his
senator)
The Honorable Tom Harkin
731 HartSenateOfficeBuilding
Phone (202) 224 3254
WashingtonDC, 20510
Dear Senator Harkin,
As a native Iowan and excellent customer of the Internal Revenue
Service, I am writing to ask for your assistance. I have
contacted the Department of Homeland Security in an effort to determine
the process for becoming an illegal alien and they referred me to you.
My primary reason for wishing to change my status from U.S.Citizen to
illegal alien stems from the bill which was
recently passed by the. Senate and for which you voted. If my
understanding of this bill's provisions is accurate, as an illegal
alien who has been in the United States for five years, all I need to
do to become a citizen is to pay a $2,000 fine and income taxes for
three of the last five years. I know a good deal when I see one and I
am anxious to get the process started before everyone figures it out.
Simply put, those of us who have been here legally have had to pay
taxes every year so I'm excited about the prospect of avoiding two
years of taxes in return for paying a $2,000 fine. Is there any way
that I can apply to be illegal retroactively? This would yield an
excellent result for me and my family because we paid heavy taxes
in2004 and 2005.
Additionally, as an illegal alien I could begin using the local
emergency room as my primary health care provider. Once I
have stopped paying premiums for medical insurance, my accountant
figures I could save almost $10,000 a year.
Another benefit in gaining illegal status would be that my daughter
would receive preferential treatment relative to
her law school applications, as well as "in-state" tuition rates for
many colleges throughout the United States for my son.
Lastly, I understand that illegal status would relieve me of the
burden of renewing my driver's license and making those
burdensome car insurance premiums. This is very important to me given
that I still have college age children driving my car.
If you would provide me with an outline of the process to become
illegal (retroactively if possible) and copies of the
necessary forms, I would be most appreciative. Thank you for your
assistance.
Your Loyal Constituent,
Donald Ruppert
Burlington, IA
THE YEAR'S BEST (actual) HEADLINES OF 2006:
They are pretty neat, so...enjoy!
Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
(No, really?)
Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
(Now that's taking things a bit far!)
Crack Found on Governor's Daughter
(Imagine that!)
Is There a Ring of Debris Around Uranus?
(Whaaat??)
Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
(What a guy!)
Miners Refuse to Work After Death
(No-good-for-nothing' lazy so-and-sos!)
Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
(See if that works any better than a fair trial!)
War Dims Hope for Peace
(I can see where it might have that effect!)
If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile
(You think?!)
Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
(Who would have thought!)
Enfield (London) Couple Slain;PoliceSuspect Homicide
(They may be on to something!)
Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges
(You mean there's something stronger than duct tape?)
Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge
(He probably IS the battery charge!)
New Study of Obesity Looks for LargerTest Group
(Weren't they big enough?!)
Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
(That's what he gets for eating those beans!)
Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
(Ummm..tastes like chicken?)
Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
(Chainsaw Massacre all over again!)
Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
(Boy, are they tall)
And the winner is...
Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
(Did I read that sign right?)
Great. Absolutely Great!
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
No PARENT Left Behind...
