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IDIOT SIGHTING:
I had to have the garage door repaired. The Sears repairman told us that one of our problems was that we did not have a "large" enough motor on the opener. I thought for a minute, and said that we had the largest one Sears made at that time a 1/2 horsepower. He shook his head and said, "Lady, you need a 1/4 horsepower." I responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4. He said, "NO, it's not." Four is larger than two. We haven't used Sears repair since.
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IDIOT SIGHTING:
I live in a semi rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office to request the removal of the Deer Crossing sign on our road. The reason: "Too many deer are being hit by cars out here! I don't think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore."
From Kingman , KS
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IDIOTS IN FOOD SERVICE:
My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco. She asked the person behind the counter for "minimal lettuce." He said he was sorry, but they only had iceburg. He was a Chef?
From me-Chefs do not work at Taco Bell taking taco orders
Yep...From Kansas City !
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IDIOT SIGHTING:
I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked, "Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge. To which I replied, "If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?" He smiled knowingly and nodded, "That's why we ask."
Happened in Birmingham , Ala.
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IDIOT SIGHTING:
The stoplight on the corner buzzes when its safe to cross the street. I was crossing with an intellectually challenged coworker of mine. She asked if I knew what the buzzer was for. I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red. Appalled, she responded, "What on earth are blind people doing driving?!" She was a probation officer in Wichita , KS
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IDIOT SIGHTING:
At a good-bye luncheon for an old and dear coworker. She was leaving the company due to "downsizing." Our manager commented cheerfully, "This is fun. We should do this more often." Not another word was spoken. We all just looked at each other with that deer-in-the-headlights stare. This was a bunch at Texas Instruments.
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IDIOT SIGHTING: I work with an individual who plugged her power strip back into itself and for the sake of her own life, couldn't understand why her system would not turn on. A deputy with the Dallas County Sheriffs office no less.
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IDIOT SIGHTING: When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the drivers side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. "Hey," I announced to the technician, "its open! His reply, "I know - I already got that side." This was at the Ford dealership in Canton, Mississippi !
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STAY ALERT! They walk among us .. and they REPRODUCE!
3-year-old Reese:
"Our Father, Who does art in heaven, Harold is His name. Amen."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A little boy was overheard praying:
"Lord, if you can't make me a better boy, don't worry about it.
I'm having a real good time like I am."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
After the christening of his baby brother in church,
Jason sobbed all the way home in the back seat of the car.
His father asked him three times what was wrong.
Finally, the boy replied,
"That preacher said he wanted us brought up in a Christian home,
and I wanted to stay with you guys."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
One particular four-year-old prayed,
"And forgive us our trash baskets
as we forgive those who put trash in our baskets."
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A Sunday school teacher asked her children as they
were on the way to church service,
"And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?"
One bright little girl replied, "Because people are sleeping."
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A mother was preparing pancakes for her sons, Kevin 5, and Ryan 3
The boys began to argue over who would get the first pancake.
Their mother saw the opportunity for a moral lesson.
"If Jesus were sitting here, He would say,
'Let my brother have the first pancake, I can wait.'
Kevin turned to his younger brother and said,
"Ryan, you be Jesus!"
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A father was at the beach with his children
when the four-year-old son ran up to him,
grabbed his hand, and led him to the shore
where a seagull lay dead in the sand.
"Daddy, what happened to him?" the son asked.
"He died and went to Heaven," the Dad replied.
The boy thought a moment and then said, !
"Did God throw him back down?"
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A wife invited some people to dinner.
At the table, she turned to their six-year-old daughter and said,
"Would you like to say the blessing?"
"I wouldn't know what to say," the girl replied.
"Just say what you hear Mommy say," the wife answered.
The daughter bowed her head and said,
"Lord, why on earth did I invite all these people to dinner?"
Not sure if this has been posted or not, but I just got it and thought it was cute.
Last week, I took my children to a restaurant.
My six-year-old son asked if he could say grace.
As we bowed our heads he said, "God is good, God is
great. Thank you for the food, and I would even thank
you more if Mom gets us ice cream for dessert.
And Liberty and justice for all!
Amen!"
Along with the laughter from the other customers
nearby, I heard a woman remark, "That's what's wrong
with this country. Kids today don't even know how to
pray. Asking God for ice cream! Why, I never!"
Hearing this, my son burst into tears and asked
me, "Did I do it wrong? Is God mad at me?"
As I held him and assured him that he had done a
terrific job, and God was certainly not mad at him, an
elderly gentleman approached the table.
He winked at my son and said, "I happen to know that
God thought that was a great prayer."
"Really?" my son asked.
"Cross my heart," the man replied.
Then, in a theatrical whisper, he added (indicating
the woman whose remark had started this whole thing),
"Too bad she never asks God for ice cream.
A little ice cream is good for the soul sometimes."
Naturally, I bought my kids ice cream at the end
of the meal.
My son stared at his for a moment, and then did
something I will remember the rest of my life.
He picked up his sundae and, without a word,
walked over and placed it in front of the woman.
With a big smile he told her, "Here, this is for you.
Ice cream is good for the soul sometimes; and
my soul is good already."
Not sure if this has been posted or not, but I just got it and thought it was cute.
Last week, I took my children to a restaurant.
My six-year-old son asked if he could say grace.
As we bowed our heads he said, "God is good, God is
great. Thank you for the food, and I would even thank
you more if Mom gets us ice cream for dessert.
And Liberty and justice for all!
Amen!"
Along with the laughter from the other customers
nearby, I heard a woman remark, "That's what's wrong
with this country. Kids today don't even know how to
pray. Asking God for ice cream! Why, I never!"
Hearing this, my son burst into tears and asked
me, "Did I do it wrong? Is God mad at me?"
As I held him and assured him that he had done a
terrific job, and God was certainly not mad at him, an
elderly gentleman approached the table.
He winked at my son and said, "I happen to know that
God thought that was a great prayer."
"Really?" my son asked.
"Cross my heart," the man replied.
Then, in a theatrical whisper, he added (indicating
the woman whose remark had started this whole thing),
"Too bad she never asks God for ice cream.
A little ice cream is good for the soul sometimes."
Naturally, I bought my kids ice cream at the end
of the meal.
My son stared at his for a moment, and then did
something I will remember the rest of my life.
He picked up his sundae and, without a word,
walked over and placed it in front of the woman.
With a big smile he told her, "Here, this is for you.
Ice cream is good for the soul sometimes; and
my soul is good already."
You're American when you go INTO the bathroom and you're American when you come out! But what are you WHILE you're IN the bathroom?
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Just had this one emailed to me and thought it would be perfect for this thread...hope it's not a repeat!
The Atheist and the Shark
There is this atheist swimming in the ocean. All of a sudden he sees this shark in the water, so he starts swimming towards his boat. As he looks back he sees the shark turn and head towards him. His boat is a ways off and he starts swimming like crazy. He's scared to death, and as he turns to see the jaws of the great white beast open revealing its teeth in a horrific splendor, the atheist screams, "Oh God! Save me!"
In an instant time is frozen and a bright light shines down from above. The man is motionless in the water when he hears the voice of God say, "You are an atheist. Why do you call upon me when you do not believe in me?"
Aghast with confusion and knowing he can't lie, the man replies, "Well, that's true I don't believe in YOU, but how about the shark? Can you make the shark believe in you?"
The Lord replies, "As you wish," and the light is retracted back into the heavens and the man could feel the water begin to move once again.
As the atheist looks back he can see the jaws of the shark start to close down on him, when all of sudden the shark stops and pulls back. Shocked, the man looks at the shark as the huge beast closes its eyes, bows its head and says, "Thank you, Lord, for this food for which I am about to receive..."
Just had this one emailed to me and thought it would be perfect for this thread...hope it's not a repeat!
The Atheist and the Shark
There is this atheist swimming in the ocean. All of a sudden he sees this shark in the water, so he starts swimming towards his boat. As he looks back he sees the shark turn and head towards him. His boat is a ways off and he starts swimming like crazy. He's scared to death, and as he turns to see the jaws of the great white beast open revealing its teeth in a horrific splendor, the atheist screams, "Oh God! Save me!"
In an instant time is frozen and a bright light shines down from above. The man is motionless in the water when he hears the voice of God say, "You are an atheist. Why do you call upon me when you do not believe in me?"
Aghast with confusion and knowing he can't lie, the man replies, "Well, that's true I don't believe in YOU, but how about the shark? Can you make the shark believe in you?"
The Lord replies, "As you wish," and the light is retracted back into the heavens and the man could feel the water begin to move once again.
As the atheist looks back he can see the jaws of the shark start to close down on him, when all of sudden the shark stops and pulls back. Shocked, the man looks at the shark as the huge beast closes its eyes, bows its head and says, "Thank you, Lord, for this food for which I am about to receive..."
LOLOLOLOLOL
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Kids say the darndest things ...
Saying Grace in a Restaurant
. Which one was a cowboy
The one on the range
! ha ha ha ...if u don't think that's funny laugh by faith!
