Struggling with homosexuality... (priest, Commandment, Christians, beliefs)
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Casual sex is the norm. Dating and relationships are rare and purely for sexual reasons when a relationship does happen to form. Friendship is rare amongst gays. Internalized homophobia is a problem. Homosexual sex is the leading cause of contracting the AIDS virus. Most homosexual men meet at bars and nightclubs. The gay community isn't peaches and roses by any means. It is a sordid community of decadence, not because they are attracted to the same sex but because of their behaviors and lack of morals.
That's funny as straight people seem to do much of the same as you stated above as well. Casual sex happens quite a bit in the straight community as well and I know many striaght folks who hook up at the bars. I also think that perhaps you have been poisoned by the wrong crowd as most of the gay folks I know are in committed relationships and don't fool around on the side. Yes I know a few gay guys that enjoy casual sex but also know many straight guys who do the same. You seem to have a self loathing attitude often about about the gay community/your sexuality and it shows through in your posts.
Christ was not TOLERANT of sin, he told them to Repent, and keep His commandments. He was not accepting of the hypocrite and wicked Scribes and Pharisee's.
freedom
Really? I seem to remember him becoming mighty angry about a mob wanting to stone a woman....hmmm you know something about how those without sin casting the first stone. You know...how he as saying it is NO ONES place but gods to judge...member that?
You have to remember that the gay community is completely different than any other community.
Casual sex is the norm. Dating and relationships are rare and purely for sexual reasons when a relationship does happen to form. Friendship is rare amongst gays. Internalized homophobia is a problem. Homosexual sex is the leading cause of contracting the AIDS virus. Most homosexual men meet at bars and nightclubs. The gay community isn't peaches and roses by any means. It is a sordid community of decadence, not because they are attracted to the same sex but because of their behaviors and lack of morals.
I inform you all on this topic with the utmost respect towards the gay community. I realize the community has suffered through decades of oppression. I recognize that many gay people were oppressed individually and treated with discrimination and bias their entire lives. That is wrong and unfair. It is hard to be a great community when so many want the community to just vanish.
I to am gay and was once christian and was in a similar situation to you and am the same age.
If you are not comfortable telling your family than don't until you are out of their house or far enough away where they can't physically get to you.
I was raised in a VERY conservative, religious home. Everything worldly was the devil and if you sinned you were going to hell. We were forced to walk the street as kids telling people about Jesus and passing out tracts. You get the picture.
I first told my mom I was gay when I was around 15. We were all in family counseling at the time and our counselor was a christian and I told her I was having trouble with my homosexuality. I always knew it was wrong but I had always felt that way from as long as I can remember. After months of prodding from my counselor to tell my mom so I could "get help" I gave in and told her.
I really wished I hadn't.
She didn't react to badly when I first told her at the counselors but afterwords things went south fast. She pulled me and all of my brothers out of school because "the public schools are evil and influencing you to be gay", so to keep me out of hell she kept me away from being educated. You never know how your family is going to react but if they are majorly dependent on them and you don't think they'll take the news well then it's best not to tell them until you're away and independent.
I eventually told my mom I "got better" and had a friend from school that I asked to pretend to be my girlfriend. She was actually cool with it since she had started the Gay Straight Alliance at her school and knew what I was going through.
I still had years of inner turmoil and struggle to go through. I was still very much in the church and evening something of a leader. I used to lead praise and worship with one of our youth pastors wife in our cell group and was involved in the youth leadership group and would spend my days at the church in the summer helping the pastors get ready for services. I still hadn't told anyone at the church about my struggle though.
Since I was pretty much cut off from the secular world all I heard day in and day out was the church's perspective on anything. This was also a post 9/11 world where gay people were being blamed for the attacks. I of course was very conflicted and tried to do what I could to change. I tried to like girls and date them. I even thought about trying to get married to a lady who was a youth pastor at our church.
The inner struggles were unbearable. I used to pray constantly and keep a prayer journal about my struggle with homosexuality. I used to write in it how I hoped god would change me and that all of these feelings would just "go away when I got married and had sex with my wife". I even prayed one time for god to give me cancer if I had gay thoughts and acted out on them. But nothing ever helped. I became very self loathing and was a very angry person. I was constantly up at the alter or sitting in my chair during the service feeling conviction about what I was going through. Eventually I did tell a few people in the church but all I ever got was, "Oh just trust in god and he'll heal you. You just have to have faith."
I was kicked out of my home at 17 and the next day I lost my virginity with another man. I was happy but after it was over I felt terrible and disgusted with what I did. Even then i still tried to change my sexuality, despite acting out on my urges. Eventually I just stopped going to church but I still believed in god and felt terrible about being gay. I still tried to date girls and would always try to have sex with them to try and prove something but the thoughts never changed. I was very repressed and tried to over compensate a lot at work and with my friends but the thing was most of them already picked up on what I was trying to hide.
By the time I was 20 I started to open up to some people at my work and friends. They were all fine with me. Even with some support and people who were ok with being gay I still had wanted to change but the the urge to be straight wasn't as strong anymore. I still was very unhappy because I thought there was no way I would ever be able to tell my family about what I was. By this time I had met my first boyfriend and was happy but at the same time I was living a secret life to my family.
With them being as religious and conservative as they were they all thought it was weird that I was 20 and never had a girlfriend or wasn't married yet. At 20?!?! I had resigned myself to the fact that I would just never have strong relationships with my family like I used to.
When I was 21 I came out to my mother again and stayed out. I had wanted to tell my aunt, mother, and grandmother all at once at my house so they could all be there and cry and talk things out together. My coming out didn't even come close to that. I was at my uncle's halloween party (on the unsaved side of my family) dressed as a women and after a drunken argument with my mom I told her I was gay and had a boyfriend. Smooth. We both cried and she left me at my uncles house.
Today we get along just as well as we used to which despite her extreme conservatism and christianity, was quite well. She still thinks that being gay is my choice and told my grandmother I'm going to hell for it but that's just where she's at. I can't wait for her or any of them to wait around and be happy with me. I had to be happy with me.
As a gay person who grew up christian it's a slow road to being happy with yourself. If you've only had one school of thought growing up things outside of christianity will be strange and challenging to you. You have to relearn a lot of things but eventually you will get there. I myself left the religion completely and once I gave up on the dogmas and damnings I've become a much happier, content person. There isn't a god waiting to send you to hell and there is nothing wrong with you. I wish you the best in your plan to live happy and free. Good luck!
Bchris02 if what you say is true, I admire you for coming forward. This post is opposite of every thing you have posted in the forum. Sadly you can not embrace God as you have and discover your true sexuality at once. The endorsement of heterosexuality may have made sense during biblical times as more workers were always needed. In today's world not everyone needs to reproduce. Thus homosexuals will not have a negative impact on civilization.
Whatever choice you make, always remember your sex life is nobody's business but yours and the consensual adult you choose. Also remember as unique as you think your situation is, there are others out there longing for love and fearing disapproval. The Internet is a great tool. Perhaps you can start a group for "Ex Followers of Exodus" to share thoughts and feelings with others in your situation.
You also might want to post in the "Relationship Forum" for another perspective, as I'm sure all the "sexual chameleons" have direct messaged you telling you how they prayed away their gay. Men who can successfully pray away the gay are bisexuals.
I gotta post just one more time here..All I want to say to all of you young men who have so eloquently and humbly poured out your hearts here and are desperately yearning for the love and acceptance of your family..
.For what it is worth, I love you and would be proud to call any of you my son, my nephew or my grandson..
I know of many others in these forums who face the same heart breaks you guys do..But I also know some who have found the loves of their lives and are in long term happy relationships and are raising a family...That is my prayer for all of you..that you find acceptance and love..
Don't try to pray away your homosexuality...In my opinion He won't do it, because he didn't make a mistake when He made you He is not capable of making mistakes..He 's God
I to am gay and was once christian and was in a similar situation to you and am the same age.
If you are not comfortable telling your family than don't until you are out of their house or far enough away where they can't physically get to you.
I was raised in a VERY conservative, religious home. Everything worldly was the devil and if you sinned you were going to hell. We were forced to walk the street as kids telling people about Jesus and passing out tracts. You get the picture.
I first told my mom I was gay when I was around 15. We were all in family counseling at the time and our counselor was a christian and I told her I was having trouble with my homosexuality. I always knew it was wrong but I had always felt that way from as long as I can remember. After months of prodding from my counselor to tell my mom so I could "get help" I gave in and told her.
I really wished I hadn't.
She didn't react to badly when I first told her at the counselors but afterwords things went south fast. She pulled me and all of my brothers out of school because "the public schools are evil and influencing you to be gay", so to keep me out of hell she kept me away from being educated. You never know how your family is going to react but if they are majorly dependent on them and you don't think they'll take the news well then it's best not to tell them until you're away and independent.
I eventually told my mom I "got better" and had a friend from school that I asked to pretend to be my girlfriend. She was actually cool with it since she had started the Gay Straight Alliance at her school and knew what I was going through.
I still had years of inner turmoil and struggle to go through. I was still very much in the church and evening something of a leader. I used to lead praise and worship with one of our youth pastors wife in our cell group and was involved in the youth leadership group and would spend my days at the church in the summer helping the pastors get ready for services. I still hadn't told anyone at the church about my struggle though.
Since I was pretty much cut off from the secular world all I heard day in and day out was the church's perspective on anything. This was also a post 9/11 world where gay people were being blamed for the attacks. I of course was very conflicted and tried to do what I could to change. I tried to like girls and date them. I even thought about trying to get married to a lady who was a youth pastor at our church.
The inner struggles were unbearable. I used to pray constantly and keep a prayer journal about my struggle with homosexuality. I used to write in it how I hoped god would change me and that all of these feelings would just "go away when I got married and had sex with my wife". I even prayed one time for god to give me cancer if I had gay thoughts and acted out on them. But nothing ever helped. I became very self loathing and was a very angry person. I was constantly up at the alter or sitting in my chair during the service feeling conviction about what I was going through. Eventually I did tell a few people in the church but all I ever got was, "Oh just trust in god and he'll heal you. You just have to have faith."
I was kicked out of my home at 17 and the next day I lost my virginity with another man. I was happy but after it was over I felt terrible and disgusted with what I did. Even then i still tried to change my sexuality, despite acting out on my urges. Eventually I just stopped going to church but I still believed in god and felt terrible about being gay. I still tried to date girls and would always try to have sex with them to try and prove something but the thoughts never changed. I was very repressed and tried to over compensate a lot at work and with my friends but the thing was most of them already picked up on what I was trying to hide.
By the time I was 20 I started to open up to some people at my work and friends. They were all fine with me. Even with some support and people who were ok with being gay I still had wanted to change but the the urge to be straight wasn't as strong anymore. I still was very unhappy because I thought there was no way I would ever be able to tell my family about what I was. By this time I had met my first boyfriend and was happy but at the same time I was living a secret life to my family.
With them being as religious and conservative as they were they all thought it was weird that I was 20 and never had a girlfriend or wasn't married yet. At 20?!?! I had resigned myself to the fact that I would just never have strong relationships with my family like I used to.
When I was 21 I came out to my mother again and stayed out. I had wanted to tell my aunt, mother, and grandmother all at once at my house so they could all be there and cry and talk things out together. My coming out didn't even come close to that. I was at my uncle's halloween party (on the unsaved side of my family) dressed as a women and after a drunken argument with my mom I told her I was gay and had a boyfriend. Smooth. We both cried and she left me at my uncles house.
Today we get along just as well as we used to which despite her extreme conservatism and christianity, was quite well. She still thinks that being gay is my choice and told my grandmother I'm going to hell for it but that's just where she's at. I can't wait for her or any of them to wait around and be happy with me. I had to be happy with me.
As a gay person who grew up christian it's a slow road to being happy with yourself. If you've only had one school of thought growing up things outside of christianity will be strange and challenging to you. You have to relearn a lot of things but eventually you will get there. I myself left the religion completely and once I gave up on the dogmas and damnings I've become a much happier, content person. There isn't a god waiting to send you to hell and there is nothing wrong with you. I wish you the best in your plan to live happy and free. Good luck!
Your upbringing sounds very much like my own upbringing, except you are a lot more brave in telling your parents when you were 15. I never had the guts to do it. When I was a teenager, most of my friends in high school were girls and the few guy friends I had I would subconciously try to connect with them too deeply on an emotional level, thus causing them to think I was wierd and turn against me. Therefore, I have become a very shy person.
My parents told me I was going to hell for working on Sundays during college for crying out loud, there was no way I would ever bring this to their attention. College was HELL for me, because I attended a local community college and lived at home. College for most people is a great time to discover yourself, but for me it was the absolute worst four years of my life. As for my life now, I am no longer living at home but due to the national economic situation I wasn't able to move away like I planned when graduating college. My parents still keep close tabs on me, checking things like my facebook page daily and calling me to update them on everything I do, so its pretty much the same as if I was living at home.
I too am also somewhat involved in leadership at my church, so I have committments and can't just walk away. I understand why most homosexuals are atheist, especially those raised in fundamentalist homes. While eventually a more liberal Christian denomination might be a possibility, atheism is out of the question for me. I tried a more liberal denomination once before about a year ago, and my parents insulted me and condemned me for attending there, plus I felt guilty, so I went back to the denomination in which I was raised. I have never had a significant other, female or male. I have had severe crushes, but nothing more than a fantasy. I sometimes feel like I am the only person my age in this situation.
Quote:
Originally Posted by artsyguy
You have to remember that the gay community is completely different than any other community.
Casual sex is the norm. Dating and relationships are rare and purely for sexual reasons when a relationship does happen to form. Friendship is rare amongst gays. Internalized homophobia is a problem. Homosexual sex is the leading cause of contracting the AIDS virus. Most homosexual men meet at bars and nightclubs. The gay community isn't peaches and roses by any means. It is a sordid community of decadence, not because they are attracted to the same sex but because of their behaviors and lack of morals.
I inform you all on this topic with the utmost respect towards the gay community. I realize the community has suffered through decades of oppression. I recognize that many gay people were oppressed individually and treated with discrimination and bias their entire lives. That is wrong and unfair. It is hard to be a great community when so many want the community to just vanish.
This sounds like the typical club/bar scene, for both gays and straights. There are homosexuals out there who want a monogamous, fulfilling, intimate relationship. Myself, I have no interest in casual sex. Its the deep emotional connection that I so long for.
Really? I seem to remember him becoming mighty angry about a mob wanting to stone a woman....hmmm you know something about how those without sin casting the first stone. You know...how he as saying it is NO ONES place but gods to judge...member that?
Notice he recognized it as sin, and no stones are being throne here, i don't wish anyone harm, unlike those that were wanting to kill the woman.
Your wrong about painting this as judgemental. It is not a sin to recognize when something is a sin. It's wisdom.
godspeed,
freedom
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