Struggling with homosexuality... (soul, America, punishment, pray)
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I don't think GCS Troop could have said it any better. If you feel that you are truly homosexual, there is no need to apologize. Being true to yourself is worth a million times more than living a lie. Accept yourself. Homosexuality is not created; people are born this way. God doesn't punish those who struggle with their sexuality, or those who accept who they are, no matter what the church/your family/friends believe. Personally, I feel that your true friends and supporters will accept you (save for your father if he is indeed as how you say, but that is his issue and not your own because your father does not own you) as you are.
Good luck in whatever you decide to do, and peace be with you.
I don't think GCS Troop could have said it any better. If you feel that you are truly homosexual, there is no need to apologize. Being true to yourself is worth a million times more than living a lie. Accept yourself. Homosexuality is not created; people are born this way. God doesn't punish those who struggle with their sexuality, or those who accept who they are, no matter what the church/your family/friends believe. Personally, I feel that your true friends and supporters will accept you (save for your father if he is indeed as how you say, but that is his issue and not your own because your father does not own you) as you are.
Good luck in whatever you decide to do, and peace be with you.
Actually people are punished for sin, and homosexuality is a sin.
That would truly be a difficult situation but it seems to me that those around you are probably not in any position to offer any positive advice and would likely make you feel even worse if you tried to talk about it. I don't know where you live but I would make an effort to move to a new location, preferably a long distance away and start a new life. There are religious organizations that are open to gays and lesbians and if your faith is important to you I think you would likely meet new friends that could be very helpful and supportive. Moving to a new city where you don't know anyone can seem intimidating but I've done it myself a number of times and I find that a complete change of environment to be kind of exciting. You're obviously in a rut due to the negative influences of the people in your life and your surroundings. I'm not suggesting that you break off ties with your family but if you were a thousand miles away from them and just visited occasionally I don't think their influence would seem so oppressive. Good luck to you.
The odd thing with me is that I come from one of the more blatantly homophobic regions of the world but it was not until I discarded of the Christian faith (Oh, thank Odin) did I actually get the idea to live and let live in regards to gay people. Ironically, on one of our islands that has become internationally known as a place where gay people are vocally threatened on the streets and that message spread through song, the society there is one of the more "Christian" yet one of the most violent and vulgar there is. Go figure. Not only that, quite a bit of their men appear rather suspect to me and I can't help but think of the "thou protesteteth too much" in relation to quite a bit of them. I mean, what the hell's this:
In any event, I've seen you on the board here and there and it must have been torture saying one thing but feeling the other and I'm sure you're not the only one either. Personally I would pick up and move because you might as well be Bin Laden in the area where you live. The first thing you will really need is to be honest with yourself, stop living for others and find your own happiness because outside of that, you will simply torture yourself into depression and fear and what is going to make that worse is the idea you are pissing off some deity out there who is just drooling at the prospect of tossing you into some fiery pit for eternity. Many of those supposedly living in his name won't hesitate to remind you either.
Well, I have yet to see a thread on the topic of homosexuality that has never ended up being locked on this site so I wish you the best and I hope you finally find the courage to be who you are and to live who you are and the break the grip of repressiveness and to tell everyone else to just F off. It's your life and last time I checked, it does NOT hurt anyone except those who are glad to live theirs but hate to see others living theirs in peace.
I know you're not claiming to be an ex-christian or stating you want to run away from your god, but you can check THIS site and browse through the testimonials. You will find countless testimonies of people who are going through or went through what you are presently going through and how they were able to move on OR how they are currently progressing toward taking control of their own lives. By the way, this takes a lot of courage so it tell me you have the fortitude to do what you know you need to do.
Kudos to you bchris.
I see a lot of courage in your post, sadness and despair as well, but I think you have just made a very important first step here. I don't know your age, or where you live, but I assure you that accepting yourself and changing your life will happen if you make that choice. It may seem scary to you now, but making new friends that accept you is not really that hard, even if you have to move. Do this and your life will be fulfilling and I'm certain much happier.....Which do you think is better, friends who accept you as you are, or friends who may desert you if your secret slips out? I wouldn't consider them friends at all... There is no need to leave your faith either if it is important to you.
Great words here. For your information I am 23 and live in Arkansas. As the birthdays keep coming, I get so saddened to think ill be 30 before I know it and I will never have experienced true love. I graduated college in 2007. My goal was and still is to eventually move out of here and move to a major metropolitan area such as Dallas or Atlanta, but the national economic situation has put that on hold for a while. I had a recent job loss that I was hoping to take advantage of and get out of here, but I got another job offer reletively quickly and I couldn't turn it down given the current economic climate. I plan on sticking it out for 2-3 more years or however long it takes the economy to recover and then bolt out of here. As for making new friends, I am not really what you would consider a social butterfly so making new friends doesn't come easy for me. My shalow friendships I have now may not be ideal nor fulfilling, but its better than no friends at all and sitting at home every weekend.
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Originally Posted by GCSTroop
I can't bite my tongue on this issue and you may disagree with me but I truly have to ask why a loving God would present you with such fanatical temptations and then if acted upon would eviscerate you in hell. Perhaps you should think about the reason you hold those beliefs coupled with the surroundings you were brought up in... But that's really a side point...
I am not so sure about this. Its something to watch how many right wing Christians paint God as foaming at the mouth to throw homosexuals and anybody who votes for a Presidential candidate who thinks they deserve to be treated like human beings in hell yet He has no problem forgiving their gluttony, greed, gossip, adultery, divorce, hypocrisy, and whatever other secret sins people have. It makes me think its more of a personal prejudice against homosexuals and they are just using religion to justify it. At the church I grew up in (which my dad is minister in), it was quite common to hear people say homosexuals should be tortured and killed. I live in the rural South, and here men are expected to display a certain degree of masculinity. I think the thought of homosexuality disgusts these people so much that they make it into something much bigger than it is.
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Originally Posted by Woof Woof Woof!
You're going to be completely alone either way. Why not move to an area where you can live a life that suits you and where you can find love and acceptance? It's better than putting a gun to your head.
People who force themselves to live a life that makes others happy, often end up with suicidal thoughts.
I have had suicidal thoughts many times especially during my teenage years, but I am over that for now. As said before, my plan is to move to a major metropolitan area when the economy recovers. Somewhere big enough that I can be myself without having to worry about people I know watching me all the time.
Quote:
Originally Posted by freedom
Prayer and fasting.
If you ask and believe, you can receive.
If there is any doubt or desire to have homosexual relations, then you will go that direction. You have to want to walk the straight and narrow, and keep yourself unspotted from the world.
godspeed,
freedom
Every Sunday when I was a teenager I would go to the alter and pray about this. Every church camp revival I would get a new fire to overcome these desires. Nothing has worked. While I have a choice to not act on these desires and live a lonely celibate life, I don't have the choice to become heterosexual.
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Originally Posted by MontanaGuy
That would truly be a difficult situation but it seems to me that those around you are probably not in any position to offer any positive advice and would likely make you feel even worse if you tried to talk about it. I don't know where you live but I would make an effort to move to a new location, preferably a long distance away and start a new life. There are religious organizations that are open to gays and lesbians and if your faith is important to you I think you would likely meet new friends that could be very helpful and supportive. Moving to a new city where you don't know anyone can seem intimidating but I've done it myself a number of times and I find that a complete change of environment to be kind of exciting. You're obviously in a rut due to the negative influences of the people in your life and your surroundings. I'm not suggesting that you break off ties with your family but if you were a thousand miles away from them and just visited occasionally I don't think their influence would seem so oppressive. Good luck to you.
I can't imagine talking about this with my youth minister who frequently declares homosexuals "abominations before God". My family...as much as it would hurt me to be cut off from them I think it would hurt them just as bad, and I could never put them through that. This might be hard to understand, but I do love my family and though I disagree with their theology, I don't hold it against them because I can understand their point of view and why they believe the way they do. I never plan on letting my family know, period. I plan on moving a long distance away from them so I can live my own life without being constantly under their influence. Even though I am no longer living at home with my parents, I am still living so close to them that its not really that much different.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Amy1022
I feel that your true friends and supporters will accept you (save for your father if he is indeed as how you say, but that is his issue and not your own because your father does not own you) as you are.
Good luck in whatever you decide to do, and peace be with you.
Unfortunately I don't have any friends or family who would accept this, and I am 100% sure of it.
Having said all that, thanks for the in depth responses.
bChris,
I have a gay brother and he went through all of the stages of being unhappy, trying to commit suicide, etc before he finally came out to the rest of us. My parents (who you thought would never accept his homosexuality) proved that their love for their son trumped their own beliefs...and they've become much more open as a result (it just took a bit of time).
He later moved to a big city and has been much happier although even there for awhile he was having what he would call "bike accidents" (which I later figured out were times when he was beaten up for being gay). So, please be careful.
Be true to yourself and don't be afraid to believe in who you are. Don't wait because life will be passing you by.
If your family doesn't accept you (and they may pleasantly surprise you) then, find a new family. My brother thought we would not accept him and he was shocked to find that we were completely cool with it. A few of my brothers and sisters even went with him his first time he went to a gay bar (since he had no none to go with).
Give your family credit - if they love you now, they'll still love you. Just give them some time to process it whenever they do find out. My Dad went from shock/horror to later telling my brother (who was living with them at the time) that he was welcome to bring a date over to their house for dinner, etc. That last part was a nice surprise for everyone in our family. If your family doesn't accept you, move on (hard as that may be).
Oh, and no matter what - God will still love you, regardless. God's love is unconditional, just like the sunshine - his rays shine down on everyone.
I agree that your family may surprise you, but I also agree that if they don't, find a new family. There are places and people (and yes, churches) who will love you and accept you just as you are. Don't be miserable and think that you are somehow flawed or not enough. God created you, and He doesn't make mistakes.
Great words here. For your information I am 23 and live in Arkansas. As the birthdays keep coming, I get so saddened to think ill be 30 before I know it and I will never have experienced true love. I graduated college in 2007. My goal was and still is to eventually move out of here and move to a major metropolitan area such as Dallas or Atlanta, but the national economic situation has put that on hold for a while. I had a recent job loss that I was hoping to take advantage of and get out of here, but I got another job offer reletively quickly and I couldn't turn it down given the current economic climate. I plan on sticking it out for 2-3 more years or however long it takes the economy to recover and then bolt out of here. As for making new friends, I am not really what you would consider a social butterfly so making new friends doesn't come easy for me. My shalow friendships I have now may not be ideal nor fulfilling, but its better than no friends at all and sitting at home every weekend.
I have found that it is easiest to find friends that enjoy the same things as you. In my case I would look for friends at a pottery class or something like that. There are all sorts of clubs, classes, and other social environments that are great for meeting friends. So if you have a hobby, you could join a hobby group. Not to mention all of the support groups for GLBT individuals.
Quote:
Originally Posted by bchris02
I am not so sure about this. Its something to watch how many right wing Christians paint God as foaming at the mouth to throw homosexuals and anybody who votes for a Presidential candidate who thinks they deserve to be treated like human beings in hell yet He has no problem forgiving their gluttony, greed, gossip, adultery, divorce, hypocrisy, and whatever other secret sins people have. It makes me think its more of a personal prejudice against homosexuals and they are just using religion to justify it. At the church I grew up in (which my dad is minister in), it was quite common to hear people say homosexuals should be tortured and killed. I live in the rural South, and here men are expected to display a certain degree of masculinity. I think the thought of homosexuality disgusts these people so much that they make it into something much bigger than it is.
I totally agree that the religion is not the original source of anti-homosexual feelings. I have always felt that bigoted people use their religion to excuse their poor behavior.
Quote:
Originally Posted by bchris02
I have had suicidal thoughts many times especially during my teenage years, but I am over that for now. As said before, my plan is to move to a major metropolitan area when the economy recovers. Somewhere big enough that I can be myself without having to worry about people I know watching me all the time.
I am so sorry that you have had to struggle so much with this. Just know that your feelings are completely natural and not at all wrong. I hope you can accept yourself. It is not easy to let go of the guilt that is instilled in you by religions.
Moderator cut: personal attacks
Quote:
Originally Posted by bchris02
I can't imagine talking about this with my youth minister who frequently declares homosexuals "abominations before God". My family...as much as it would hurt me to be cut off from them I think it would hurt them just as bad, and I could never put them through that. This might be hard to understand, but I do love my family and though I disagree with their theology, I don't hold it against them because I can understand their point of view and why they believe the way they do. I never plan on letting my family know, period. I plan on moving a long distance away from them so I can live my own life without being constantly under their influence. Even though I am no longer living at home with my parents, I am still living so close to them that its not really that much different.
Your solution sounds like it would spare your family discomfort. But what about the discomfort that you have been living in being dishonest for them. I would not blame you for not wanting to tell them, but if it were me, I would want to. Some people I have known were sure that their parents would literally kill them, but were pleasantly surprised that their family accepted them regardless of who they love. Of course the decision is yours.
Quote:
Originally Posted by bchris02
Unfortunately I don't have any friends or family who would accept this, and I am 100% sure of it.
You are in a tough situation. It must be hard to deal with this with no support. Well you have support here friend. There are also many online support groups that deal with this issue. I wish you the best.
Last edited by Alpha8207; 02-17-2009 at 02:43 PM..
I am not so sure about this. Its something to watch how many right wing Christians paint God as foaming at the mouth to throw homosexuals and anybody who votes for a Presidential candidate who thinks they deserve to be treated like human beings in hell yet He has no problem forgiving their gluttony, greed, gossip, adultery, divorce, hypocrisy, and whatever other secret sins people have. It makes me think its more of a personal prejudice against homosexuals and they are just using religion to justify it. At the church I grew up in (which my dad is minister in), it was quite common to hear people say homosexuals should be tortured and killed. I live in the rural South, and here men are expected to display a certain degree of masculinity. I think the thought of homosexuality disgusts these people so much that they make it into something much bigger than it is.
Hey bchris,
I can honestly tell you that I know precisely how 'homophobic' the part of the country you live in can be. I was raised in Memphis, ended up in Little Rock for a few years and am now living just south of Memphis in Mississippi. So, believe me, I do know the mentality that you are dealing with.
Ultimately, you're right. I think the majority of people (males especially) are disgusted by the thought of it and it is that disgust that is often relayed and projected onto their deities as things the deity does not want of his creations.
My personal thoughts are that the more 'homophobic' people become the more it is they are trying to hide something they are ashamed of. I'd be willing to bet that in that group of people you are associated with, you're not the only one who has had homosexual thoughts. Much of it seems to stem from the insecurity of these 'secret' desires so they publicly chastise and berate others of that kind to make themselves feel better about their own personal 'secrets'.
I think moving to a larger city such as Dallas, Atlanta, etc... would indeed be a big step forward. Just out of curiosity... Have you ever wondered why there are large LBGT communities in big cities?? I'll give you a hint... It's not like those people who grow up there are drinking something in the water that made them gay... I would venture to bet that the majority of them come from very similar backgrounds and feel very much the way you do so they move to the big cities in hopes of "blending".
Quote:
Originally Posted by bchris02
Unfortunately I don't have any friends or family who would accept this, and I am 100% sure of it.
I would actually think about rephrasing this sentence... Perhaps you should think about it in this way...
Unfortunately I don't have any friends or family who would accept this yet, but there might be people out there willing to 'adopt' me who won't feel the same way.
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