Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Depends upon what you agreed upon before you got married or agreed to live together.
I'm a university professor and due to the tenure system, professors are notoriously immobile -- though some move, most of us tend to stay put in our jobs. If I graduated with my PhD and, say, the University of Colorado offered me a position, I'm moving to Boulder.
This is something I made clear to those I dated when I was in grad school (and it is understood among fellow academics...you go where the job is). Were my gal to say "No, I don't want to be in the mountains...I'm a coast woman" I've gotta say, "Sorry, sweetheart, but I can't do that. I must go where I'm offered a good job and that is in Boulder."
But if the deal I made with her before we married/got together was that I will stay put in Paducah and if Boulder beckons I will tell them "no," then it's a different story.
Exactly what he said.
I think you just slipped it in and no one else caught it yet but the idea that you are set upon moving near your friend which just happens to be where your EX is and it doesn't surprise me that your husband is opposed. This isn't really about country vs city, it's about friend and EX vs husband.
It's a shame that you are putting everyone else in front of him. My husband comes first in all things. Family and friends take a back seat.
Location doesnt matter for work I work at home he doesnt work.
I cant be the only one that noticed this last sentence........
What do you mean, he doesnt work?
Is he wealthy? Are you supporting him?
More info, please!
The other point I kind of want to make: You're married. Your husband IS your family now. I would like to imagine he is also your friend. If you are considering leaving him because he won't move, you may have bigger issues here.
And I second the previous posts: um...your ex? Have you actually asked your husband why he doesn't want to move or specifically if that's the issue? And he doesn't work? If you are supporting him, you may have a little more sway with your argument to move.
Yes I have been supporting him for the last 5 years. I have absolutly zero interst in my ex. My friend lives about an hour from my ex, but she sees him once in awhile so I think theres fear deep down somethign will happen.
Depends upon what you agreed upon before you got married or agreed to live together.
Before we got together and married he alwasy said didnt matter where he lived as long as it was with me. Same before. Same after for awhile and as soon as I stated I wanted to move out where my firend was that is when he freaked. He has no job, hasnt for awhile, and where we move honestly doesnt make a difference career wise. Any type of work he did before he could get anywhere and what I do from home theres no need to work outside of it. My children dont live with us and are all grown up so that is not a factor either.
Ok heres another thing we have a pit and he refues to get rid of her. Where we live nowwe are paying 1050 a month no apartments take pits, but i would liek to move to one it would be alot less than renting a house.
There's clearly a lot more than where you live that is causing problems in your marriage, but it sounds like the question of where to live is somewhat of a straw-that-breaks-the-camel's-back for you. Do you have kids who would be impacted by you leaving?
At the end of the day, I think the calculus of shoudl I saty or should I go looks something like this:
Are
the benefits of staying - BS
MINUS
the costs of staying -CS
grater than
the benefits of leaving - BL
MINUS
the costs of leaving -CL
In other words, is (BS-CS) > (BL-CL)?
So pull out a legal pad and make a list for each of the four variables above: BS, CS, BL, CL. And then you can more clearly see an answer.
I would be incredibly hurt if I married someone who was choosing where to live based on their friend instead of their spouse. My husband is my best friend and my family now.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
