Not getting beyond the first/second date in LA (man, singles, gay)
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Yeah, I've seen women in the Inland Empire who would normally have the looks to be ultra picky in LA be pretty chill. In CA, LA is the worst, followed by OC and SD. The Bay Area is probably far less choosy, but you sacrifice some things up there. I'm sure the small town farm girls in the central valley are also pretty nice.
You say that people with 'the looks' have the right to be ultra picky.
I think everyone has the right to be ultra picky...even if he/she is a toad in some people's eyes. Their genitals do belong to them, after all.
What kinds of things are sacrificed in the Bay Area?
What makes you so sure the small town farm girls in the central valley are 'pretty nice'? What is it about them that makes you say that when you can't know all of them personally? What is the general 'thing' about them that makes you so certain?
Yeah I could see this too . There even seems to be a difference between the San Fernando valley and west side areas , Hollywood , etc. but studio city and some other valley areas can seem similar to those areas too .
I'm not looking now , but it's funny how many of these women think they are a " princess " or a " Barbie" !
Very crazy
It seems guys are willing to sacrifice so much or put in so much effort for these women and don't ask if its worth it . Kind of sad really ...
It sounds like they have high self-esteem despite what others may think or say about them. That's probably a good thing. Are you sure you're not just frustrated?
this x 1000. however, it does feel like a hollow victory hooking up with a 30-something when you know she's settling for you, after having given the best of her youth to a bunch of douchebags/bros/etc.
I'm just wondering why these women should have to settle for what they consider less attractive to them when you aren't willing to do the same. What women wants a man who considers her at age 30+ 'a hollow victory'? Why don't you go in search of the young, hot 20 year olds you seek? What separates you from the 'douchebags' she dated in her 20's that she should have immediately noticed your awesomeness and superiority?
OP - as others have pointed out, LA is one of the worst cities for dating, for hetero males. there's a significantly higher population of single males than single women here, so it's great for women and not so great for men.
that said, the fact that you're even getting dates - and consistently, no less - is a HUGE win for you. you're already ahead of most guys in that respect. heck, i haven't been able to secure a date for 6 months now! so don't sweat it, as long as you're getting out there, it's good.
however, i'd also have to agree with some of the others who've said that being foreign might be working against you. do you have an accent? did you just recently move to this country? if you're not the "right kind" of foreign, ie, british/australian/french or something, or are perhaps dark skinned, this could be a factor.
women will never admit it, but the maxim most use here is "a guy of my race or a white guy". this has actually been borne out even by a major dating site, google the study done by okcupid and you'll see. i'm non-white myself, and i had a much, much easier time meeting and dating women when i was in poland last year for a few weeks, than i've ever had in my time here in LA. it's one of the reasons in fact i most likely won't stay in LA for long - life's too short to waste without getting laid
anyway, to sum up, i'd say that as long as you're getting dates you don't have much to worry about. now you just need to work on the things you CAN control - your personality, your ability to hold an interesting convo, being more aggressive etc etc. at least you're not some short, fat, balding guy with physical limitations that cannot be overcome! be thankful for that.
You criticize these women for liking a guy of their race or white and state that you are non-white. So what led you to 'POLAND' of all places...to find women to date? What race are you and what race are the LA women that you are approaching who only like guys of their own race or white? Just curious.
You say that people with 'the looks' have the right to be ultra picky.
I think everyone has the right to be ultra picky...even if he/she is a toad in some people's eyes. Their genitals do belong to them, after all.
What kinds of things are sacrificed in the Bay Area?
What makes you so sure the small town farm girls in the central valley are 'pretty nice'? What is it about them that makes you say that when you can't know all of them personally? What is the general 'thing' about them that makes you so certain?
I'm not in the dating scene but I hear and see enough to know.
I'm not being anti-women, because in general women in LA are very strong willed, independent, successful, evolved. But with dating they are entitled and spoiled. Their general attitude towards guys is disdain and scorn, and unless a guy is like a 10 in every single aspect possible he's not really gonna have a chance.
But the women from other areas are more laid back, because they aren't spoiled and jaded. They aren't exposed to as much. I think in the bay area you're more likely to get some sort of alternative type who is open to, say, men of color or an average joe.
I'm not in the dating scene but I hear and see enough to know.
I'm not being anti-women, because in general women in LA are very strong willed, independent, successful, evolved. But with dating they are entitled and spoiled. Their general attitude towards guys is disdain and scorn, and unless a guy is like a 10 in every single aspect possible he's not really gonna have a chance.
But the women from other areas are more laid back, because they aren't spoiled and jaded. They aren't exposed to as much. I think in the bay area you're more likely to get some sort of alternative type who is open to, say, men of color or an average joe.
Ok ...
Well, you never answered:
What kinds of things are sacrificed in the Bay Area women?
And why does the search need to be for women open to men of color (What color?). I bet there are many women of ? color looking for nice mates in LA also. Am I wrong?
I just don't understand what must be so special about these women over other women that you men are in a tizzy about not being chosen.
You criticize these women for liking a guy of their race or white and state that you are non-white. So what led you to 'POLAND' of all places...to find women to date? What race are you and what race are the LA women that you are approaching who only like guys of their own race or white? Just curious.
wow, way to put words in someone else's mouth
i was in poland on a company assignment. they were in fact planning on stationing me there for a 2 year secondment to build out a whole team of technical specialists.
the fact that the women there were a whole lot easier to talk to and hang out with just made the trip more fun
i've approached women of ALL races - white, black, latin, asian, and also had many, many candid conversations with my female friends (also of different races) and the one theme that comes out consistently is the one i've stated, ie, "my own race or a white guy". take a look at this study done by okcupid:
here's a quote to drive home my point, because i know you won't bother reading the study anyway:
"White men get more responses. Whatever it is, white males just get more replies from almost every group." now this doesn't mean that the women don't date ANY other races, just that in general, if you're a non-white guy looking to date outside his race, you're gonna have a much tougher time.
here's another:
"White women prefer white men to the exclusion of everyone else—and Asian and Hispanic women prefer them even more exclusively.These three types of women only respond well to white men. More significantly, these groups’ reply rates to non-whites is terrible."
that's just one site, but i'm fairly certain that the data is representative of larger populations as well.
i can understand someone wanting to date someone of their own race - while it's still pretty closed minded in this day, age, and culture, at least a case can be made for experiential commonality. it's the "or a white guy" racist bit that i find most interesting, and revealing of a cultural bias.
It sounds like they have high self-esteem despite what others may think or say about them. That's probably a good thing. Are you sure you're not just frustrated?
It's not high self esteem, it's ego and arrogance.
Maybe I said something that hit too close to home ? You seem pretty defensive.
I'm just wondering why these women should have to settle for what they consider less attractive to them when you aren't willing to do the same.
what makes you think i only go for the most attractive women? to boot, the more attractive women have often been nicer than the average-to-unattractive women.
Quote:
Originally Posted by FlowerpotFlowers
What women wants a man who considers her at age 30+ 'a hollow victory'?
what man wants a woman who would never have dated him in the prime of her youth, but now, at 30+ when she's been used, abused and scarred by all the "bad-boys" she found so irresistible in her youth, she suddenly starts noticing the soft spoken, boring, "safe" type of guys? the number of 30+ women that have been emotionally and psychologically scarred by a-holes in their 20s is staggering. there's so many such bitter women out there, it makes dating in your 30s a real PITA. too much baggage being lugged around.
Quote:
Originally Posted by FlowerpotFlowers
Why don't you go in search of the young, hot 20 year olds you seek?
i try to approach who ever i find attractive, which is a broad range. as stated above, i don't go exclusively for the absolute hottest girl in the room - most guys in fact don't. if i find a hot 20-something that shows interest, of course i'll pursue her.
Quote:
Originally Posted by FlowerpotFlowers
What separates you from the 'douchebags' she dated in her 20's that she should have immediately noticed your awesomeness and superiority?
do you know what a douchebag is? go find out, and then think of me as the opposite.
Dating in LA can be very competitive. So try not to take it too personally. You are a med school student no less. In most dating "markets" that would be sufficient to land you plenty of interested ladies (or at least more second dates).
It is very had to say what exactly is going on without knowing you better or getting more details. Let me take a shot and by all means I am not saying you fit this bill.
But if you are meeting women online you might be facing one or more of these issues:
1. You look much better in your profile than you do in person. I think women are better than men at being really photogenic but some guys can pull off miralces. They get lots of first dates but not many second ones.
2. You are somewhat shy or reserved when you first meet women. This throws them off guard. Hence, the alcohol suggestion noted above is not bad advice (if this is the case).
3. In an online environment, women clearly have the edge. The "average" women gets far more e-mails/responses than the best looking guy. So it is like they are at their favorite restaurant, if they see one small thing they don't like about their meal they'll just order something else from the menu.
This response is spot on. LA is a highly competitive dating market, and people there can be quite shallow. The online scene is also very competitive for men, so you are in what I'd call a hyper competitive market. Don't get discouraged, but realize that it will likely take a lot of dates before you find a match. In the meantime, you might want to take come pointers from my (unfortunately) extensive experience in online dating, before I found Mrs. right.
1) Forget dinner. It is far too expensive for a first date, considering the number of dates you'll likely have. Also, it's cliche, and makes you seem like an average guy. I learned this the hard way. Reserve dinner for a woman you like. Really like.
2) Coffee is OK, in that you can get to know them a bit before investing time and $. But honestly, its also a bit cliche. It's doable, but I agree with the other posters, booze is best. It's a nice ice breaker, shows you're fun and edgy, and sets the vibe.
3) Other than drinks, pick activities YOU like. Let them in your world a bit and see if they can hang. If you're really looking for someone long-term, you have to know that they can fit into your world. On later dates, feel free to do what she wants. Or even better, do something neither of you have done, but you wanted to do. It's an excuse to finally do it, and also, she'll think you're unique. If it's exciting or dangerous, she'll correlate those feelings with you (which is a very good thing!)
4) Whatever you do, don't be so eager to spend money on them at first. I was the same way, a gentleman pays. Maybe sometimes, but unfortunately, some women will either take advantage of this and use for for a nice meal, or misinterpret that you're trying to buy their affections. Both are bad situations.
5) Be yourself. You're a med student, so you have something going for you. No joke, the less I care if people like me, the more they seem to like me. Even the dumbest women can tell if you're not comfortable in your own skin. Life is short (as is the free time you have) so have fun just being you.
6) Be unpredictable and spontaneous once in awhile. I know, this might contradict #5 if it isn't in your nature, but again, it is about having fun. Some of my best stories were doing things I never thought I'd do. If you're having a blast on a date, so is she. If she's having fun, she's going to notice more of your good qualities. To women, it isn't nearly as much about logic when picking a man. It's about how she feels when she's with you. Or when she isn't with you, but wishes she was. That's the key.
Best of luck, and don't ever get discouraged.
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Why not think you are a princess or a Barbie?
