Not getting beyond the first/second date in LA (long-term, marrying, girls)

[Chicano3000X]

Originally Posted by majoun

If you're a heterosexual man, it is.

If you're a woman or a gay man, it's a whole different story. There's probably no city in the world that's better for a gay man.

Would this be exclusive to the west side atleast? Or is the are we doomed on the east side aswell?

[jm1982]

Originally Posted by majoun

If you're a heterosexual man, it is.

If you're a woman or a gay man, it's a whole different story. There's probably no city in the world that's better for a gay man.

I always thought that was San Francisco ..

[new to LA]

Originally Posted by pacific2

Sooo, no "Sensitive, warm, funny, caring, or witty?" Has anyone ever said, "I love your smile," "I feel so comfortable and relaxed being with you," or "You really make me laugh?"

I don't know, OP, but are you connecting emotionally with them? It doesn't sound like there is any chemistry.

Yes, women do like my smile but none ever said that I'm warm, caring or witty or "you really make me laugh" or "you're a clown"...lol

[pacific2]

Originally Posted by new to LA

Yes, women do like my smile but none ever said that I'm warm, caring or witty or "you really make me laugh" or "you're a clown"...lol

This one you don't want:

or "you're a clown"...lol

Sensitive, attentive, fun, witty, warm, caring, interesting yes. Clown, no.

[PatanjaliTwist]

Originally Posted by jm1982

I meant that it is hypocritical and lame to date/have sex with all kinds of women or men , but then only want to marry someone of your same background.

Oh, I see, Jm & agree with you. Cheers for elaborating.

If you are dating a bunch of other backgrounds obviously you are attracted to those backgrounds. To each their own, but I just think that's dumb myself.

We all choose what works best for each of us. Honestly, I've had friends & relatives who've chosen partners I'll never understand... but, as we've said, to each his/her own.

I think you interpreted it that I thought it was hypocritical that people will only date their own background?

In that case , that's not hypocritical....maybe just kinda lame! LOL

No worries... just misunderstood your point. I meant no ill will.

But, dating within one's own background isn't lame... it's a choice. Nothing more. Some people feel the reverse. Again, that's their choice. That's why I like forums... we get to understand another's POV & ask follow up q's.

[JerZ]

Originally Posted by pacific2

This one you don't want:

Sensitive, attentive, fun, witty, warm, caring, interesting yes. Clown, no.

Oh, I don't know...

[HarryKerryJr]

I admit, I just couldn't go through all the posts, but here is what I think:

It is clear that you must be a very physically attractive male, and I figured so even before you cited a text from one of the females stating, "you are handsome . . . " so being able to get women to spend time with your alone and not blown off from the start pretty much says the women probably, from just your looks, are already ready to yield to their passions with you and may even be willing to take the initiative and have their way with YOU.

However, unlike men, for women, looks are not everything. I believe that there is something you are saying, or doing that probably just turns them off. By that I mean, after meeting with you and getting to know you, they may see you as not nearly as mature as they would like. You may tip your cards with expressing peculiar preferences or maybe even cluelessly offensive of just too much boy and not enough MAN! Or maybe you just kill any romance by attitude or personal views or behavior. They may find that because you are so good looking, you are more centered on yourself than they would like because every woman want to be the center of your attention. I know of women who LOVE to look and flirt with handsome well-built, men, who go to the gym, but they tell me they would NEVER get involved with any of those guys because they spend too much time on themselves or at the gym or with their athletic buddies to look good, and as a consequence, don't have enough time to spend with them. So, they are willing to take an average or even below average looking fellow who makes them feel like the center of everything.

Also, some women have already done the getting involved with the handsome man thing or even just for the sex, and they are just DONE doing that because it just goes to nowhere because the handsome man personality just clashes with what women want, and they don't have anymore time to waste even just for the sex because they want to find a man to be serious with, now with the biological clock now ticking. They are beyond the bar scene, as well.

OK, my point is something HAPPENS at the first meeting (regardless of coffee because I'll tell you, if a woman is interested in you, it DON'T MATTER what the meeting, they will go for you even with a "friendly" coffee. And by the way, the best women are found over coffee or other innocuous "Friendship" things and meetings. The bars are for the pray and predator game of quick lays and I've NEVER come across a lasting, good, relationship, let alone marriage, from any people having meet in BARS. It's always the "friendly" interactions such as meeting at a family gathering or company picnic or some other completely UNEXPECTED place or event that two people really find each other because they do really get to talking to each other, and not with beer goggles.

Again, you must be saying or doing something that is just a big RED FLAG to these women that you seemed to have in your corner at the start. You could just be uncouth or eat with your hands (I had a college buddy who really did that, and it really turned off women), or maybe you come off as not having confidence. Women are OK with men who can be vulnerable and share their insecurities, BUT NOT ON THE FIRST DATE AND NOT UNTIL IT'S CLEAR SHE REALLY LIKES YOU. At first, it's all about you being a MAN in the most classic sense, not sweet sensitive, YET. But as time passes, women want you to be sensitive and sweet and hopelessly romantic when it's just the two of you, but still a MAN when the situation calls for it. But I don't really know WHAT it is, but I do know it is something you are saying or doing over coffee, and YES, men can and DO get just sex over coffee. For first meetings, you must be confident, IN CONTROL, Humorous, Smile, POSITIVE in outlook, EASY GOING, be a GENTLEMAN: no crude jokes or behavior, and NEVER let the woman fend for herself; you are the one who will GET and DO everything for her. Women notice if a man BRINGS her the cup of coffee, and goes to the counter to get what she wants and opens the door for her and DEFERS to her preference, AT ALL TIMES, and always your eyes on HER, and ALWAYS make her feel like she is the center of the universe and TALK about HER, NOT YOU, unless she asks a question, then keep the answer brief, and then bring it back to HER. An UGLY man, doing these things can have women calling them for a real date and more. The most handsome man in the world who doesn't do these things on the first meeting is getting the texts of "No thanks" you've cited. Women want to be treated well and feel they are in the company of a well-mannered, confident, psychologically balanced MAN.

While there is pressure sometimes to date within ones own race or ethnicity, I can tell you LA is filled with "mixed marriages." It isn't all about race and ethnicity.
Good luck, and let us know.

[jm1982]

Originally Posted by PatanjaliTwist

Oh, I see, Jm & agree with you. Cheers for elaborating.



We all choose what works best for each of us. Honestly, I've had friends & relatives who've chosen partners I'll never understand... but, as we've said, to each his/her own.



No worries... just misunderstood your point. I meant no ill will.

But, dating within one's own background isn't lame... it's a choice. Nothing more. Some people feel the reverse. Again, that's their choice. That's why I like forums... we get to understand another's POV & ask follow up q's.

Very true , and it is a free country . That's true it's not lame if its their choice

But I still think kind of lame to marry someone of your same background only because of social pressure . I guess I don't get that , but always was never pressured in that way thankfully .

Many first generation immigrants though do have that mentality though I guess ..

I don't feel any solidarity with a particular group myself .

My grandparents on my dads side were different religions though which was unusual at the time so maybe these is where I got this attitude from .

I don't really like when people think someone is good just because they are a certain religion or culture . There are good and bad people of all backgrounds .

Look at all the people that trusted Madoff because he was Jewish , didn't turn out too good for them .

[subPrimeTime]

I'm surprised people aren't making the connection between being a med student (ie future doctor) and the ease of getting a first date. I mean, a lot of women see medical anything (on paper) as equating to a good catch. What woman wouldn't want to bring a doctor home to mom & dad? So it's no surprise he's getting the 1st date with many women. I'm guessing it's an online thing because his credentials look great on paper to most women...and of course he's obviously at least decent looking. I'm not saying these women are gold-diggers either, just women who have been somewhat brainwashed to never turn down the opportunity to date a doctor (much of it is probably subconscious).

Anyway, there has to be some personality thing going on, because on paper, he seems to have what women want.

The issue of race/ethnicity really doesn't come into play, because they already know what race he is when they agree to the 1st date. So unless he's one of those rare ethnicities that women date/experiment with for the "thrill" of it, I doubt race is an issue.

[pacific2]

Originally Posted by JerZ

Oh, I don't know...