Not getting beyond the first/second date in LA (men, separate, attractive)

[jm1982]

Originally Posted by hipcat

This. I found it much easier to date outside of LA than inside of this area because of what women are looking for here/. The standards for women in LA are so high that the average guy has little chance outside of being a good liar.

How far out la did you go? Out of LA city or the county?

[jm1982]

Originally Posted by impala666

Just get drunk and act stupid,some will brush you off but some wont. Oh and pay for everything to do anything else is just cheap.

Haha considering that I have seen this work for some guys this is probably a decent strategy .

Also get the happy hour app on your phone and find some deals on booze !

[disgruntled la native]

Originally Posted by hipcat

This. I found it much easier to date outside of LA than inside of this area because of what women are looking for here/. The standards for women in LA are so high that the average guy has little chance outside of being a good liar.

That's why there's so many poseurs and liars in LA. They feel they have to act important (isn't everyone some sort of big shot in the "industry" these days?) to get a woman.

Women are really out of control with their standards in LA. My LA native male friends who have entered long term relationships/marriages have almost always done so with women who are out of state. Meaning, my male friends go to college in the midwest and meet a girl there, or they transfer to the east coast and meet someone. Never IN LA.

[ElysianEagle]

OP - as others have pointed out, LA is one of the worst cities for dating, for hetero males. there's a significantly higher population of single males than single women here, so it's great for women and not so great for men.

that said, the fact that you're even getting dates - and consistently, no less - is a HUGE win for you. you're already ahead of most guys in that respect. heck, i haven't been able to secure a date for 6 months now! so don't sweat it, as long as you're getting out there, it's good.

however, i'd also have to agree with some of the others who've said that being foreign might be working against you. do you have an accent? did you just recently move to this country? if you're not the "right kind" of foreign, ie, british/australian/french or something, or are perhaps dark skinned, this could be a factor.

women will never admit it, but the maxim most use here is "a guy of my race or a white guy". this has actually been borne out even by a major dating site, google the study done by okcupid and you'll see. i'm non-white myself, and i had a much, much easier time meeting and dating women when i was in poland last year for a few weeks, than i've ever had in my time here in LA. it's one of the reasons in fact i most likely won't stay in LA for long - life's too short to waste without getting laid

anyway, to sum up, i'd say that as long as you're getting dates you don't have much to worry about. now you just need to work on the things you CAN control - your personality, your ability to hold an interesting convo, being more aggressive etc etc. at least you're not some short, fat, balding guy with physical limitations that cannot be overcome! be thankful for that.

[ElysianEagle]

Originally Posted by disgruntled la native

You all are missing one simple fact: Women in LA are just too damn picky.

They all want someone who is white(ish), six feet or higher, six figures or higher, athletic body, great personality, masculine but not too bro-ey, sensitive, chivalrous, good family... the list goes on

And this isn't just the 10 model girls, these are your everyday 5s.

So OP, there's nothing wrong with you. I'm sure you're a great guy. But in a city like this, women have become spoiled, and if you don't fit the above criteria, you're gonna get "nexted"

But here's the good news: Probably less than 5% of men in LA fit that description, About half of men who fit the above description are gay. The other half are total players, because, well, they can be. So at some point, maybe in her 30s or early 40s, the average lady is gonna have to settle for a normal guy.

this x 1000. however, it does feel like a hollow victory hooking up with a 30-something when you know she's settling for you, after having given the best of her youth to a bunch of douchebags/bros/etc.

[hipcat]

Originally Posted by jm1982

How far out la did you go? Out of LA city or the county?

Out of the city. Women around the outer surburbs of LA county. (like in the San Gabriel Valley) tend to be more realistic in what they are looking for. I can just be myself and not have to put up an act. I've also date alot of women out of town.

[disgruntled la native]

Originally Posted by hipcat

Out of the city. Women around the outer surburbs of LA county. (like in the San Gabriel Valley) tend to be more realistic in what they are looking for. I can just be myself and not have to put up an act. I've also date alot of women out of town.

Yeah, I've seen women in the Inland Empire who would normally have the looks to be ultra picky in LA be pretty chill. In CA, LA is the worst, followed by OC and SD. The Bay Area is probably far less choosy, but you sacrifice some things up there. I'm sure the small town farm girls in the central valley are also pretty nice.

[jm1982]

Yeah I could see this too . There even seems to be a difference between the San Fernando valley and west side areas , Hollywood , etc. but studio city and some other valley areas can seem similar to those areas too .

I'm not looking now , but it's funny how many of these women think they are a " princess " or a " Barbie" !

Very crazy

It seems guys are willing to sacrifice so much or put in so much effort for these women and don't ask if its worth it . Kind of sad really ...

[disgruntled la native]

Originally Posted by jm1982

Yeah I could see this too . There even seems to be a difference between the San Fernando valley and west side areas , Hollywood , etc. but studio city and some other valley areas can seem similar to those areas too .

I'm not looking now , but it's funny how many of these women think they are a " princess " or a " Barbie" !

Very crazy

It seems guys are willing to sacrifice so much or put in so much effort for these women and don't ask if its worth it . Kind of sad really ...

The attitude is more prevalent in the affluent areas of LA county, and transcends race, religion, and background. The Westside of course, the west SFV (including Calabasas and Agoura) and Sherman Oaks/Studio City, Greater Culver City, the Beach Cities, Beverly Hills/West Hollywood, Hollywood/Miracle Mile, Silver Lake, Los Feliz, and the yuppie part of DTLA are all where you'll find this.

I think in South LA, the north and central SFV, and east LA, the ladies TEND stick to men from their ethnicity and neighborhood and they don't have all those hangups.

[theGreat1]

Originally Posted by new to LA

Hi
I moved to LA a few years back from a different country to go to Med school. It was hard to get in but worth the effort. I have a busy schedule and its hard to meet new people.

I have dated a few girls now. The problem is that there have been more than a few occasions now where I think it would be worth investing time dating this girl. Somehow, the woman loses interest or is not attracted anymore or feels we have different interests.

I have had no problems getting a first date. We usually meet over coffee and end up getting dinner and have a good conversation. I pay the bill as I think its the right thing to do for a guy. Most dates have ended well with a passionate kiss or a not so passionate kiss. I don't know whats goes wrong after that? Is that I'm being too nice.
I usually text or call the day after the first date and there is no response. Here is the reply I get a few days after:
"It was really nice meeting you. I think you are handsome, nice and intelligent but unfortunately we are on different pages right now."

Is it lack of physical attraction? Should I ask to split the bill, is me paying the bill being too nice ? Is it that our interests, goals don't match?

I'm posting this here as I think hearing from men/women who've been living in LA would help. Frank opinions will be appreciated. Have a nice weekend!

Haven't met you so it's hard to say. Different places could mean that she doesn't want to date somebody in your position. Whatever that might be? Or she's not ready to settle down with you right now or something or other that you said just doesn't match. I don't think it matters. She's not interested, period.