Not getting beyond the first/second date in LA (dates, women, love)

[PatanjaliTwist]

Originally Posted by jm1982

I've heard this a lot ...especially with Persians/Armenians/Jews. Definitely hypocritical in my mind. I think it's lame to just "stick to your group" , but I guess there's a lot of societal pressure in these types of groups (and others).

Hiya Jm...

To each his/her own, but it's not lame or hypocritical to want to be with people from the same culture or religion or nationality, if that's a great interest already in one's life. Some cultures, including some Americans, have vast extended families & spend all their free time with them. To want a partner to be just like them to fit well into the mix would be ideal & far less frustrating than the reverse.

And, as far as 'sticking to one's group'... well, attraction is something I don't think most of us can control. If 20 women/men are in front of us... we'd each differ on who is the most attractive. We each like different body types, eye/hair/skin coloring... some in a smaller range & others more broad. I think when someone knows they want a particular type, in whichever form that takes, they're better off for it by not wasting time trying to make another fit into their attractiveness ideal.

On the reverse side, I have 2 Catholic Filipino friends who are sisters & prefer opposites... one prefers Christian black men, the other married an Iranian Muslim. Nothing wrong in either if that's their preference, yeah? My relationships all failed miserably until I found someone just like me... we look alike (both blondes), had a similar Catholic upbringing, like the same foods, are in a similar age range & come from similar cultures. For us, nothing easier. To each his/her own.

[JerZ]

All right...guys...how on earth are we supposed to know whether we're interested until we talk a little first in person (i.e., a date)? I hear this "it's not fair, we spend the money" thing all the time but you know what that translates to? "It's not fair, I spent $17 on your plate PLUS tip at TGI Friday's, and then you didn't give it up or at least give me a little tongue and a second try." Really? Hire an escort then.

OR, suggest going Dutch (go ahead, it won't kill us, and hey, maybe you'll weed out the "just for a free dinner" girls everybody seems to mention, wouldn't you rather know now than later?) OR just meet up for coffee and as another poster said, take your chances that she really does just think it's very casual and you're not all that interested, that it might just be a friends thing, etc. But then you're only out $3.50 for your own latte. Better?

But please for the love of heaven don't sit there and think "Oh I spent money, she better give me something back or at least agree to go out with me a second time, at which I'll definitely expect something back, I mean, now we'r talking $34 for cripes sake," that's not a date, that's hiring a wh*ore, and there are plenty of those in L.A. as in any city.

As for her saying straight out that she's not interested, if she hadn't, and she'd gone on the second date, she'd be that you-know that "led you on," etc....come on...we women know the drill. They're trying to be honest with you before you make a big (heart) investment, that doesn't count for something?

Darned if we do and darned if we don't.

I would still be interested in hearing more about the women the OP is trying to date. Can we have more info? This is after all the L.A. board, not the Relationships board. And the OP asked specifically about "L.A. women" in his post. We really need to know what L.A. women you're referring to, there is every type of woman in L.A., as in anywhere. If this post is nothing but a pile-on gripe about spending money on women who don't agree to get down, it should really be on the Relationships board, if anywhere. That's a gripe not exclusive to L.A., trust me.

[Fontucky]

Originally Posted by smokingGun

I know this one Jewish lawyer who's dated & hooked-up with the entire rainbow from Latina's to SE Asian girls to Persians and African Americans, but now at 33 he's really only interested in dating Jewish girls. He said he just can't imagine the mother of his future children being anything other than Jewish.

Sounds like he's a very traditional Jew. Traditional Jewish law favors matrilineal descent.

[JerZ]

Also, what's all this supposition that the OP is Armenian or what-have-you and that therefore it's a cultural/racism thing? We don't know what that other country was. For all we know it was England or Canada or Russia.

I really think we need to hear back from the OP before we all get our collective knickers in a twist about the rampant racism of women in L.A.

For all we know he picks his nose at the table. Or doesn't shower properly. Or is overeager. At this point, from the meager information we have, it literally could be anything.

[jm1982]

Originally Posted by PatanjaliTwist

Hiya Jm...

To each his/her own, but it's not lame or hypocritical to want to be with people from the same culture or religion or nationality, if that's a great interest already in one's life. Some cultures, including some Americans, have vast extended families & spend all their free time with them. To want a partner to be just like them to fit well into the mix would be ideal & far less frustrating than the reverse.

And, as far as 'sticking to one's group'... well, attraction is something I don't think most of us can control. If 20 women/men are in front of us... we'd each differ on who is the most attractive. We each like different body types, eye/hair/skin coloring... some in a smaller range & others more broad. I think when someone knows they want a particular type, in whichever form that takes, they're better off for it by not wasting time trying to make another fit into their attractiveness ideal.

On the reverse side, I have 2 Catholic Filipino friends who are sisters & prefer opposites... one prefers Christian black men, the other married an Iranian Muslim. Nothing wrong in either if that's their preference, yeah? My relationships all failed miserably until I found someone just like me... we look alike (both blondes), had a similar Catholic upbringing, like the same foods, are in a similar age range & come from similar cultures. For us, nothing easier. To each his/her own.

I meant that it is hypocritical and lame to date/have sex with all kinds of women or men , but then only want to marry someone of your same background.

If you are dating a bunch of other backgrounds obviously you are attracted to those backgrounds. To each their own, but I just think that's dumb myself.

I think you interpreted it that I thought it was hypocritical that people will only date their own background?

In that case , that's not hypocritical....maybe just kinda lame! LOL

[gerrythesnake]

You need to listen to the Tom Leykis Show

[jm1982]

Originally Posted by gerrythesnake

You need to listen to the Tom Leykis Show

Lol I actually pm'd the op with that info!

[gerrythesnake]

Originally Posted by jm1982

Lol I actually pm'd the op with that info!

[radiolibre99]

Dating in LA is a bit tough but not impossible. It's just that a lot of the women in LA did not just move from Podunk Iowa to be with a guy that reminds them of the Joes back home. They came to find a successful man. Med school is good but its not as good someone who works in the industry.

I tended to benefit from those women that are from here and were kinda tired of dating a trendy geek. LOL sometimes the normal dude who looks like he fixes cars thing works too. It just depends on what the individual girl is looking for. I laugh about this but just having a practical skill seems to work as a lot of LA guys don't even know how to change the oil in their car. This is all in jest of course.

[JerZ]

Originally Posted by radiolibre99

Dating in LA is a bit tough but not impossible. It's just that a lot of the women in LA did not just move from Podunk Iowa to be with a guy that reminds them of the Joes back home. They came to find a successful man. Med school is good but its not as good someone who works in the industry.

I tended to benefit from those women that are from here and were kinda tired of dating a trendy geek. LOL sometimes the normal dude who looks like he fixes cars thing works too. It just depends on what the individual girl is looking for. I laugh about this but just having a practical skill seems to work as a lot of LA guys don't even know how to change the oil in their car. This is all in jest of course.

WHAAAAAAAT, you change oil? Hey. Want to go for a latte?

Just kidding. When I need an oil change, I don't date a guy. I go pay for my oil change.

Just like guys who want sex in exchange for payment shouldn't date women. They should go pay for it.