Not getting beyond the first/second date in LA (marriages, girl, single)
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I don't understand what that means. So, you feel being less nice will get her to be interested in you?? Why would splitting the check make her more attracted?
Absolutely. Being too nice will turn off a lot of women, especially so that early on...not saying that paying the bill shouldn't be done, but perhaps OP was doing more things to add to the 'too nice' guy perception...who knows.
Absolutely. Being too nice will turn off a lot of women, especially so that early on...not saying that paying the bill shouldn't be done, but perhaps OP was doing more things to add to the 'too nice' guy perception...who knows.
Yeah this is sad , but true. Many women misinterpret arrogance or cockiness as confidence.
Also regarding the medschool thing , if these are younger women in L.A they might not be looking to settle down just yet and might be looking more for a good time so to speak.
Many women end up partying with the irresponsible "bad boy" , and then later on marrying the responsible "family provider" type once they've had their "fun" so to speak.
But I still think kind of lame to marry someone of your same background only because of social pressure. I guess I don't get that, but always was never pressured in that way thankfully.
Hiya Jm... Uh, that word again... lame is a judgmental word when we use it to describe others' choices. If we espouse to the 'to each his/her own' theory, we cannot judge others, only make the best decisions for ourselves & willingly grant that option to others. I think we agree, in part, in theory (I think)... that lackadaisical word just hits me the wrong way. Allowing others the freedom to choose & expecting the same in return makes it contradictory to then call them lame, whenever their choices/decisions/values/ideals differ from ours. Just my 2-pence worth...
To the topic, many from generations gone by have felt societal pressure to marry, as do some today. I agree that sometimes people can make poor choices, because of a biological time clock or because they need to marry and/or reproduce by age xx, because that's what they know to be acceptable in their crowd. That's happened for ages. In the 50's & before in this country, if one was 20 & not married with a baby on the way, well, there was thought to be something wrong. For a woman, she must be barren or an old maid because she's undesirable. For a man, he might be gay or a poor provider. For either, they were both considered unfortunate.
Some of those ideas exist today, in some religions, in some cultures & even in our own. When I lived in the US southeast for 5-yrs, I worked with a number of women having their 2nd child with their 2nd husband & they were not yet 21. I worked with women of 30, thrice divorced. I found that astounding, but I found it to be a cultural southern protestant thing. If one accepts or desires what others would call societal pressure, so be it. Restriction is not for me, but we are lucky to be living in times where we can make our own choices & not have lighted torches held by villagers outside our homes, like many of our grandparents experienced.
You're lucky in that you weren't pressured to do what 'the clan' desired... in whichever form that took... religion, family, peers. But, some do wish to retain their culture or religion & if they choose to date/marry another of 'the same', so be it. I find nothing wrong in wishing to be with another as similar to us as possible. It isn't always the case that opposites attract.
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Many first generation immigrants though do have that mentality though I guess.
I'm 1st gen immigrant, as you'd say. I don't feel that pressure. We all differ & make our own choices.
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I don't feel any solidarity with a particular group myself.
And, that's why you don't understand the reverse POV. I like my nationality & people within that culture & both sides of my family are of different cultures. I enjoy sharing the same foods, sense of humor, ethnic music, celebrations. I'm sorry some miss out on that with their own cultures. It's doubly important to me because I have no close family, so it makes me feel as if there are others cut from the same cloth around me, who understand me & are quite like me. We cannot be arrogant about it & that's not what I'm referencing. I'm not saying only a person of my own background can understand me... I think you know what I'm saying.
I'm merely stating, if one is Greek Orthodox or Russian Jewish or Argentinian Catholic & is attracted to the same & likes to surround oneself with the same, that's not exclusionary, it's a choice & it's fun & it feels comfortable. I think that's great. Chinatown, Little Italy & other neighborhoods of similar people exist for a reason. Some take comfort in similarity.
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My grandparents on my dads side were different religions though which was unusual at the time so maybe these is where I got this attitude from .
I don't really like when people think someone is good just because they are a certain religion or culture . There are good and bad people of all backgrounds .
Look at all the people that trusted Madoff because he was Jewish , didn't turn out too good for them .
I think we agree completely, mate. I just dislike your seemingly casual use of the word lame. Can you find another?? Pretty please?
Well, calling the day after a date, implies that you are eager and maybe, desperate. Wait a little, like 7-8 days afterward and then call. They will wonder why you haven't called and will be then eager to hear from you.
Start asking them out on weeknights only (Monday - Thursday), they will wonder who you are with Fridays and Saturdays. Naturally, keep them mystified and guessing.
Ladies like men who are in demand (besides good looking, and wealthy). You must at least "appear" to be in demand and calling too early and initial dates on Friday and Saturday nights make you appear to be not in demand by other females.
You all are missing one simple fact: Women in LA are just too damn picky.
They all want someone who is white(ish), six feet or higher, six figures or higher, athletic body, great personality, masculine but not too bro-ey, sensitive, chivalrous, good family... the list goes on
And this isn't just the 10 model girls, these are your everyday 5s.
So OP, there's nothing wrong with you. I'm sure you're a great guy. But in a city like this, women have become spoiled, and if you don't fit the above criteria, you're gonna get "nexted"
But here's the good news: Probably less than 5% of men in LA fit that description, About half of men who fit the above description are gay. The other half are total players, because, well, they can be. So at some point, maybe in her 30s or early 40s, the average lady is gonna have to settle for a normal guy.
Oh ok well sorry if I offended you with the lame comment.
Hiya Jm... No worries, not offended, but cheers for asking.
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Do you only hang out with people of your same background? You don't sound like this type of person.
Nope. But, then, I'd probably be hard pressed to find someone of a similar background. And, I've lived the majority of my life in inner-city neighborhoods (in the US & on 3 other continents) where I was often but one of a few whites.
Most of my friends tend to be foreigners, gay or different races, not necessarily by design, perhaps merely by proximity & professions. But, the breakdown doesn't occur to me 'til someone asks. Probably like you, I gravitate towards fun, funny, happy, well-adjusted people & have no preference as to the package they come in.
To the reverse, I'm quite liking how the SO & I get along so well & have for years. Perhaps it's just our personalities, which blend nicely & we are one of those couples who looks alike, but I think it's because we grew up similarly in huge families (in inner-city US/European 'hoods with great racial/religious diversity), we were both raised Catholics (he's a bit lapsed & I rejected religion as a kid... but, we understand, share & joke about the same difficulties in being raised in such strict households) & we're both 1/2 the same heritage, which makes for liking similar foods, culture, art, music, foreign language, sense of humor, etc.
I believe ALL of my previous relationships failed because we were too unalike in every way. It's sure been a breath of fresh air to sync with someone sans effort. If someone feels we're shallow or prejudiced to choose from our own DNA pool, so be it. We're quite happy & wow, it's been easy from Day 1. And, since we're 1/2 different nationalities, that gives us enough to learn about each other to keep it interesting. Works for us.
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To me that would be a narrow type of existence.
I hear what you're saying & know what you mean. Diversity is good, but I think we tread on dangerous grounds if we assume all of one group are the same, no matter how we slice the group. I've heard white people too often say they're tired of their white 'hoods & wish to live where there's diversity. To assume all whites are the same isn't correct anymore than it is for any other racially dominant 'hood. For me, I currently feel little in common with many of the white people surrounding me in Denver... not bad, we're just very different. And, could we say that about any other group... being all the same??? Not without CNN trucks in front of the house.
I've lived all over the world (UK, Scandinavia, Japan, AU) & all across America. Many people are so different than us, we can't imagine. At the same time, so many are so like us, it's unbelievable. I find great diversity everywhere.
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But im sure there are a lot of people that only hang out with, work with their "own kind " don't explore other types of cultures in anyway. Again to each their own , but that's not for me .
Well, calling the day after a date, implies that you are eager and maybe, desperate. Wait a little, like 7-8 days afterward and then call. They will wonder why you haven't called and will be then eager to hear from you.
Not at all. Sounds like you place too much emphasis in the book, 'The Rules'. If that book works for you, great, but I don't know anyone who said it helped at all.
If a man decided not to call me for 1-wk+, I'd have assumed he wasn't interested, then couldn't find anyone he liked better, so retraced his steps. I'd move on. I never wanted to be someone's 'in case of loneliness card'.
Calling after a date to say he had a good time is quite gentlemanly & respectful on the OP's part & also quite flattering, imho. When I was dating, that happened to me quite often, actually, pretty much 100% of the time. I found it very sweet & genuine. And, yes, there are desperate men out there... that comes through quite loudly, too. But, a polite thank you isn't desperate. Bombarding someone with texts like 'What 'cha doin' now? When are we going out again? Busy tonight?' is.
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Start asking them out on weeknights only (Monday - Thursday), they will wonder who you are with Fridays and Saturdays. Naturally, keep them mystified and guessing.
Again, The Rules. I always dated one person at a time & preferred men who did, too. If after a date or 2 nothing meshed, that's okay, handshake & move on. If someone is playing games & I have to wonder who he's with Fri/Sat, I just step out of the picture & let him focus on Fri/Sat girl. She can deal with that kind of relationship (or non-relationship), if she desires.
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Dating is a game!
Perhaps your definition of game differs, but I never played games, was always very straightforward, honest, respectful, gracious & moved on quickly if something didn't click, in an attempt to not lead a man on. I feel that's only fair & it's how I'd like to be treated.
I think if one wishes to play the field & casually date, then yes, perhaps that's the game & happiness is in finding someone similar. I'm one of those long-termers... I was always looking for a relationship, not a man with whom to casually bide my time, even when I began dating. If the OP is the same, nothing wrong in that either. He, too, just needs to find someone of a similar wave length.
And, as many of us have said before, either both are attracted or not. Men who pushed too hard, when I shared no interest, made me run for the hills, fast. Nothing worse than being harangued by someone for whom we have no attraction whatsoever... but I don't think the OP is doing that. It has to be mutual, but I think he's lucky that those women who aren't interested are stepping out of the picture quickly & not playing games... basically, they're making room for him to move onto someone who might be a great match. It's all chemistry & timing & they're both there or they're not. But, there's always hope & it took me years to meet my SO. I had my fair share of unpleasant first-dates only to bolt at the end of an evening like a frightened deer, glad to be headed home. Glad I didn't give up & hung in there.
You all are missing one simple fact: Women in LA are just too damn picky.
They all want someone who is white(ish), six feet or higher, six figures or higher, athletic body, great personality, masculine but not too bro-ey, sensitive, chivalrous, good family... the list goes on
And this isn't just the 10 model girls, these are your everyday 5s.
So OP, there's nothing wrong with you. I'm sure you're a great guy. But in a city like this, women have become spoiled, and if you don't fit the above criteria, you're gonna get "nexted"
But here's the good news: Probably less than 5% of men in LA fit that description, About half of men who fit the above description are gay. The other half are total players, because, well, they can be. So at some point, maybe in her 30s or early 40s, the average lady is gonna have to settle for a normal guy.
This. I found it much easier to date outside of LA than inside of this area because of what women are looking for here/. The standards for women in LA are so high that the average guy has little chance outside of being a good liar.
Just get drunk and act stupid,some will brush you off but some wont. Oh and pay for everything to do anything else is just cheap.
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I think we agree completely, mate. I just dislike your seemingly casual use of the word lame. 
Can you find another?? Pretty please? 
