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Well whatever, all I know is that I went out a few times with a woman, who I'm still good friends with that lived in Santa Monica. I'm just basing this on people I know. And it still seems to be more of a mix.
LA may have a higher %/# of impossible to please ladies than elsewhere, but I think beyond those unrealistic subculture in some ways the LA area is less materialistic than "middle America". In the midwest and south a guy who hasn't bought a single family house by the age of 26 is looked upon as suspect.
Single family homes are cheap there. It's more about how men are expected to be married by their mid 20s and starting a family around the same time. But the women there don't expect anything amazing. They settle for very average men and get on with the child rearing. Which I don't support, by the way, that boring, limiting culture.
I'll take the insanely picky entitled women of LA over midwestern settlers ("high school sweetheart"? Though both sides are two extreme, there needs to be a middle ground.
Well whatever, all I know is that I went out a few times with a woman, who I'm still good friends with that lived in Santa Monica. I'm just basing this on people I know. And it still seems to be more of a mix.
LA may have a higher %/# of impossible to please ladies than elsewhere, but I think beyond those unrealistic subculture in some ways the LA area is less materialistic than "middle America". In the midwest and south a guy who hasn't bought a single family house by the age of 26 is looked upon as suspect.
It's actually easier in the midwest/south if a guy has had kids and at least been divorced. In the midwest, having been married is sort of like achieving "made" status in the mafia.
So, they'll just assume you're gay (goes up exponentially if you're into fashion a bit ) or possibly even worse. It's still very acceptable to make gay jokes towards a single guy past 25, but unacceptable to say that to someone who is affirmed gay.
For the most park (any city/metro over 100k), it's also easier for a single guy in the midwest who is actually gay (he is a self confident gay man who has just had to overcome so much and now society is starting to notice) compared to one who is perceived gay but is straight (he's just a weird guy who probably can't come to terms with himself and wants to dress up in drag 7 nights a week). Simply, being gay makes more sense to them than an unmarried man past 25.
This goes against what anyone would expect, and it has upset people before, but if one looks into it more, they'll get it.
Single family homes are cheap there. It's more about how men are expected to be married by their mid 20s and starting a family around the same time. But the women there don't expect anything amazing. They settle for very average men and get on with the child rearing. Which I don't support, by the way, that boring, limiting culture.
I'll take the insanely picky entitled women of LA over midwestern settlers ("high school sweetheart"? Though both sides are two extreme, there needs to be a middle ground.
I don't. I'd rather have women from just about any other non-Islamic culture than that of L.A.'s culture of entitlement.
Sometimes I even wish that Roe v. Wade was overturned so more women would leave the heartland states again and come to L.A. That would probably be the only thing that could reverse the trend of L.A. losing more people to Texas than it attracts.
Hiya NTL... Either could be possible. A woman may have initially wished to explore getting to know you, only to find out there was no attraction. As a woman, it's happened to me more often than not, in L.A. & anywhere else. Or, she might have had an initial attraction, but upon getting to know you a bit, felt you shared no interests in common. Although, none of us likes to feel rejected, there's either a spark on both sides or not. Not a lot can be done about that... it's a chemical reaction.
That's encouraging. Where are you initially meeting them? In person? If so, then the above 2 reasons for thanking you & not wishing to venture into a relationship come into play. Online? Blind date? Then, there's just no attraction... doesn't mean you're not attractive, just that she's not attracted enough to explore anything further. Again, not all are lucky & meet the love of their lives within a couple of dates.
That sounds great, but is it possible you could be mistaking courtesy, consideration & politeness for interest? Whenever I've discovered I'm not interested in a man during the 1st date, I don't get up & walk out... I'm polite, kind, stay through lunch/dinner, graciously thank him, then go home & that's the end of it for me. I supposed I could excuse myself after 10-min & say I'm leaving, but I don't unless someone has been rude, far too forward or I'm really not enjoying myself.
I've had wonderful conversations with men I'm not the least bit interested in... happens at work, in line at the market or at Starbucks each & every day. So, remaining through dinner might mean she is having a good time & good conversation, but for whatever reason, she doesn't feel you're both a match.
Everyone will differ, but I think it's very polite & chivalrous of you to pay. I use that & a man pulling out my seat or opening doors as a gauge to indicate the amount of respect I'll be receiving in the future. I'm very polite, respectful & nurturing & like men who are the same.
Okay, here's what I'd say & again, we all differ. A passionate kiss after 1 date, meaning I spent approximately 4-hrs with someone, is too much too soon for me. In 4-hrs time, I'm just learning if I wish to see a man for a 2nd time. What you consider passionate might be experienced for her as being too forward, only being interested in a physical relationship & it might be making her run... it would me.
To the 2nd part... are you being too nice? No. Perhaps she feels you're not respecting her boundaries. Maybe to you personally, or in your circle of friends, or in your culture, it's not experienced this way, but every woman differs & you've already admitted something is going wrong.
Also, you said, 'or a not so passionate kiss'. Again, I like to feel respected & that a man is spending time with me to get to know me as a person, cares what I think & have to say & is making an effort to make me feel safe & secure. If he puts his hands on me, I don't feel safe & secure & it's a huge turn-off... I feel he's only wanting to have physical contact & there wouldn't be a 2nd date for me.
And, there you have your answer. She's telling you there is no interest. If there's no response, whether a man or woman, there is no attraction. Either she's not attracted, she doesn't feel you've enough in common or something is going wrong on the date... perhaps it's ending with what you feel is passion & she's experiencing it as someone wishing to take liberties. I'm guessing it's the latter... I don't feel passionate about anyone after only 4-hrs' time.
And, when you say that you have 'good conversation', what does that mean? Are you being respectful & considerate in the kinds of subjects you're bringing up? Are you sure you're not crossing any boundaries & making her uncomfortable?
Only she would know. For the most part, women try to 'reject' a man with softness so as not to be rude. So, saying 'we're not on the same page' is her way of saying you want different things & are not compatible. For which reason? Only she would know.
I don't understand what that means. So, you feel being less nice will get her to be interested in you?? Why would splitting the check make her more attracted?
Perhaps? What does that mean? What are the interests you're discussing? If you're bringing up the goal of wanting to get married & have 3 children on the 1st date, then it may scare her away... she's just meeting to see if she wants to sit across the table from you again for date 2. If you're interested in going hunting, camping & fishing, again, she may be moving on so you can find a woman who does share those interests, as it's not her. Again, only she would know. You'd only find out by asking directly, perhaps in a text, if you feel comfortable enough to send one of that nature. You've nothing to lose if she's not going to see you again anyway, right? She may not reply with more than a vague answer, if at all, because she doesn't know how you'll respond and/or she doesn't wish to hurt your feelings.
Well, that's my frank opinion... I'd say back off a bit on anything more than a handshake or kiss on the cheek to ensure she feels secure. If your results are the same every time, then you need to try something different, yes? Mine is but one opinion, but hopefully, it may help.
You have a good weekend, too & good luck! Don't give up hope. The perfect woman is right around the corner... you just haven't met her yet.
totally agree...
and no women don't go out for free dinners. This is ridiculous and amazing how many men believe this. No one puts themselves in that kind of discomfort unless they actually want to get to know you. I am not even sure how many poor women would do that, lol.
I hear this "it's not fair, we spend the money" thing all the time but you know what that translates to? "It's not fair, I spent $17 on your plate PLUS tip at TGI Friday's, and then you didn't give it up or at least give me a little tongue and a second try." Really? Hire an escort then.
Hands down, best advice!
It will cost you quite a bit more but you know what is on the menu. Who needs an emotional drag, especially when working in a demanding and time consuming medical profession? You don't have time to go on dates my friend, save your money for those few but truly special* dates with happy ending.
OK, that was the "Loco" in me doing the typing above but you cannot argue with his logic, can you?
Oh boy, I just referred to myself in third person, time to take a shot of Captain Morgan and then jump in the shower.
On a more serious note, I have been in your situation before where, mainly with the women I really like, I tried to be a nice aka a boring romantic, uninteresting conversation, mostly a lot of lame job application type questions (remember Brendan Frasier's guitar playing romantic and dorky character in Bedazzled?).
Yikes!
Younger people tend to be more focused on looks but most of the grownups are more into substance and common interests than looks. Ultimately, your character has to be interesting, amusing and comforting in a way that suits that person. If there is no common interests or emotional connection then physical attraction doesn't last too long and there is nothing you can do about it. Move on.
It is hard for anyone to nail the exact cause of your dating troubles. Maybe with each, there was a different reason?
Maybe how they perceive you and the actual person that you are, are different. Maybe you are dating the wrong women or you are dating for the wrong reasons?
If you have been honest with yourself and believe you have acted in a proper, civilized manner with them, then I wouldn't worry about it too much and continue the search. You will eventually find the one you will click with.
The question is; will you diligently continue on this tiresome journey or give up like some of us have and become miserable Internet Trolls who have the nerve to dish out advice on similar topics to people like yourself?
I'm just wondering why these women should have to settle for what they consider less attractive to them when you aren't willing to do the same. What women wants a man who considers her at age 30+ 'a hollow victory'? Why don't you go in search of the young, hot 20 year olds you seek? What separates you from the 'douchebags' she dated in her 20's that she should have immediately noticed your awesomeness and superiority?
seriously. The attitude of some men is repulsive. Thank God for women's intuition. If you treat women like a commodity they will get that vibe and quickly lose interest. This goes for the PUA's too...it just takes the younger women a little longer to smarten up.
Well then I like the in-between areas because they're not too ritzy not to gritty, just right. These areas remind me of the middle-upper middle class areas I grew up in and never had to deal with any real attitude. I guess that is why my favorite areas are places like Studio City, Toluca Lake, Burbank, Pasadena and even NoHo Arts I don't even do the whole Silverlake/Echo/Los Feliz thing anymore, on occasion but mostly I just stay out of the core these days. These places are still great but I just found my comfort zone. Sherman Oaks, I don't like too much.
On the subject of women liking other women's guys, that's messed up! Women like guys who are taken? I heard that as true but didn't know they actually went for that.
What is funny is that both girls assumed I was with someone without actually meeting her.
this is basically a load of crap from the PUA people.
More likely the fact is if you are with someone you are not activley lecherously hitting on a lady and making her feel like a sexual object. More likely if you are with someone you are treating other women like regular people.
The only reason there generally are "more women than men" is because of the senior citizen population. The US sometimes seems to be within a standard deviation of China in terms of gender ratio, at least in the dating ages of 18-40. Even with all the gay men, men in prison, men overseas in the army...there are still more men.
totally not true when you break it down by age cohort, region, and yes prison especially. It's actually the worst for black women where I believe it was something like 84 marriagable men for 100 women. This I learned in my sociology classes...
and most 18 year olds are not marrying 40 year olds...
seriously. The attitude of some men is repulsive. Thank God for women's intuition. If you treat women like a commodity they will get that vibe and quickly lose interest. This goes for the PUA's too...it just takes the younger women a little longer to smarten up.
But the point is these guys are using their 'skills' in order to get what they want. Then they don't care if the women smarter up by then..
Women have fallen for the same things and scoundrels throughout history..
But the point is these guys are using their 'skills' in order to get what they want. Then they don't care if the women smarter up by then..
Women have fallen for the same things and scoundrels throughout history..
Right, which is to say that normally once she realizes he's not "the marrying type" and basically she'll move on (though probably painfully and a little wiser and hurt to be used in such a way)
It does happen. What I'm saying though is that a lot of the psychology behind it that guys believe (its a competition thing etc.) is pretty much false. And sad too that this happens and guys basically don't care about the girl at all.
Girls do like nice guys, but I encourage you to look into the actual reason any of this crap might work ever at all. It's sad to me that a compassionate "nice" person would ever become a jerk because some guys told him it was a good idea.
But then again most guys that think they are 'nice' usually really aren't. There's a difference between doing what you think someone wants you to do and actually being nice.
Most of the time they are still just trying to get laid by a girl they find attractive but probably care little else about. I don't care if you put smiley faces on it.
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Though both sides are two extreme, there needs to be a middle ground.
Where are you initially meeting them? In person? If so, then the above 2 reasons for thanking you & not wishing to venture into a relationship come into play. Online? Blind date? Then, there's just no attraction... doesn't mean you're not attractive, just that she's not attracted enough to explore anything further. Again, not all are lucky & meet the love of their lives within a couple of dates. 
