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Usually it's a crisis in a marriage or a life - CAUSED BY the lying and cheating - that forces someone to seek counseling - or else. I would have a very hard time believing that you'd had no negative ramifications from your own actions and just one day said, "I think I'll seek self improvement in this area."
That is precisely what has taken place, whether its believeable or not.
The bad thing about dishonesty is that it bleeds over into all sorts of areas of your life.
I'm not contending that. This I agree with 100%. So.....?
You didn't answer the question. The whole point of this thread is that you want us to ask you questions, you will answer in order to guide us. In fact you said you are great at this so please answer me:
How does it feel to have failed so spectacularly at what is most likely the only vow you have ever made?
I am no stud. I am a lonely and damaged man, searching for repair. I am a loser in that sense, you are right. Although I sense that you aren't interested in constructive criticism. Rather, you enjoy making personal attacks behind the comfort of a computer. It really doesn't have to be that way. If you were a friend of mine, and you were in a bind that you put yourself in, I would definitely be critical but uplifting in tone. You should learn how to do that, because if you're not, as you said, you're just wasting time.
your problems lie within the "search for repair" sentence. You're searching for a repair when you really should be searching for a coping method and then dropping the problem all together. Stop looking for repairs because what is "repaired" can be broke again. Search for a way to cope and then to avoid cheating all together. Trust me my friend, i went down the "repair" path and it only leads to darker places.
My point was, you can't present your wife to the world in the way you just did, and not expect people to judge her.
You have humiliated her and put her into the position to be judged harshly. Getting indignant with people who do just that is shifting the blame to the wrong person IMO.
^^^ This, and pity. ^^^
Saying "this could happen to you", is not the problem. Anyone, with enough time and patience can cheat on another. It's the amount of times you have cheated and she has not caught you that is the problem. You can ratchet up your ego and say it's how smart you are, but it's the combo of you and her that has led to you not getting caught.
Ironically, I know a married guy like you. The wife seems genuinely clueless also, but the son caught on darn quick.
Though, it just stuck me....
Perhaps she is off doing the exact same thing, and/or she could care less what you do with your time?
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LOL I don't know who sold you this dog and pony show, but when you lie and cheat, you are a LIAR and a CHEATER. It's an integral part of your personality, who you are, and really can't be separated from the other facets of your personality.
As a matter of fact, you can. It's been proven many times. People develop in a certain way, they learn a certain thing. It is not who they are, it is what they do. Behavior is learned, and as such, it can be changed.
You can't single out one aspect of a person's life and identify their whole as such. It's ignorant and lacking in linear thought, and its also very subjective based upon your own bias.
of all the people in this story, i am most impressed with the therapist
DAZ will be prattling on for session after session about all the drama he stirred up here and dr. telltheinternetaboutit can just sit back and collect his fee
If any of you women are thinking that it couldn't happen to you, that you're too smart or crafty or skeptical, you are mistaken. I think secretly you know that, and it scares you. Yes, you would look just as stupid to the unforgiving critic, if I had been your husband or boyfriend. So making irrelevant comments about her is just moot.
I was married once to a liar and a cheater. His world, built on deceit, eventually crumbled beneath his feet, and I left him. The last civil word he said to me was, "I'm really sorry. You deserve better. I have a lot of regrets about how I treated you and our marriage."
I went on to marry a man who just so happens to be very good looking. He also has an outgoing personality and a terrific smile, coupled with a sense of humor and hearty laughter when he's amused. Women will flirt with him right in front of me. But you know why I'm not worried about him cheating on me? Because time and again, he's proven to me by his words and actions that he is an honest, kind man who respects me.
So - yes, I know it can happen to me. I know it happened to me in the past because I married a liar and a cheat. If I'd dated him long enough, I would have realized this before I married him and saved us both a lot of hassle.
I also know that thankfully, there are many men out there who are not at all like you and who do not seek relationships outside of their marriage or monogamous commitment. You'd do well to go seek some of those men out and ask THEM how they developed such good character, rather than offering ADVICE to others about your lying, cheating behaviors and your ability to attract women.
You didn't answer the question. The whole point of this thread is that you want us to ask you questions, you will answer in order to guide us. In fact you said you are great at this so please answer me:
How does it feel to have failed so spectacularly at what is most likely the only vow you have ever made?
Looking back on this thread I see that was a mistake, I admit that. The advice idea derived from some of the threads Ive read in this section. Ive seen many threads about cheaters and how to spot them, etc. I imagined that I would get those who wonder about cheaters asking me about the tell tale signs of a cheater. I never had any intentions to lecture or brag or tell anyone stories about how to cheat. If it appeared that way, I apologize.
As a matter of fact, you can. It's been proven many times. People develop in a certain way, they learn a certain thing. It is not who they are, it is what they do. Behavior is learned, and as such, it can be changed.
You can't single out one aspect of a person's life and identify their whole as such. It's ignorant and lacking in linear thought, and its also very subjective based upon your own bias.
I guess that means that Hitler was a pretty good guy because he liked animals and appreciated art.
This is not "one aspect" of your life. Lying permeates many layers of life. If you sit there and tell me that, other than lying about your extramarital screwing around, you are an honest guy, well, I do believe it would be safe to bet that you're (gasp) LYING.
I am no stud. I am a lonely and damaged man, searching for repair. I am a loser in that sense, you are right. Although I sense that you aren't interested in constructive criticism. Rather, you enjoy making personal attacks behind the comfort of a computer. It really doesn't have to be that way. If you were a friend of mine, and you were in a bind that you put yourself in, I would definitely be critical but uplifting in tone. You should learn how to do that, because if you're not, as you said, you're just wasting time.
For someone who believes that they have so much wisdom and insight, you certainly are not able to apply it to your own life. And then you have the ego to attempt to "open the floor" as if to offer advice to others when you have stated several times that you have no remorse for what you have done. Seriously....take a seat! The only people who you are fooling have their BS meter turned off.
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