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As for having babies around encouraging younger siblings to have some of their own, I think that tends to have an opposite effect. Kids that know there is more to babies than cuteness and fun baby showers tend to want to delay the start of their own families.
Thats really not the case though. Its been a topic for pub policy research for many years. Factors include the income level of the siblings, age, race, education etc.
To understand the consequences of adolescent pregnancy and childbearing for the family, 189 mothers from three types offamilies were studied: families in which all teenage daughters had never been pregnant, families in which only one teenager was currently pregnant, and families in which only one teenager had delivered a baby within the previous 6 months. in the latter two family types, the current pregnancy or childbearing was the first to occur in the family. Mothers were assessed twice, 13 months apart. Results indicated that, compared with the mothers of never-pregnant teens, the mothers of parenting teens monitored their children less. expected less of their older daughters, and were more accepting of teenage childbearing. Across-time analyses showed that, in families in which the teenager was initially pregnant, mothers monitored and communicated less with their other children and were more accepting of teenage sex after the older daughter gave birth. In families in which the teenager was initially parenting, mothers perceived more difficulty for their teenage daughters and reported being less strict with their other children across time.
According to several studies, younger siblings of teen parents are 2 to 6 times more likely to become pregnant as teens than younger sib- lings of teens who are not par- ents.3,4,5,6,7 Younger siblings of teen parents also are more likely to be sexually active during early adoles- cence than teens whose older sib- lings are not teen parents.8,9,10,11,12 For example, one study found that 50% of younger siblings of teen parents were sexually active, com- pared to 24% of those whose older siblings were not teen parents.13 Another study concluded that, “having an adolescent childbearing sister has a stronger effect on per- missive sexual attitudes and non- virgin status than does having many sexually active sisters.”14
Especially the first article; it's a vicious cycle that manifests itself which is why its a hot research topic (how to intervene in these younger siblings lives). Oldest teen gets pregnant, mom spends lots of time trying to "normalize" the situation by offering babysitting, money, housing etc. Younger sibling may see but doesn't comprehend the challenges of raising children but is cognizant of additional attention (negative or positive) and proceeds as such.
I said I was hoping she would decide on abortion and that was immediately after learning about it. A couple days have passed and I won't try and tell her what to do in any case. I plan to inform her of what having a child and supporting a family takes. Decisions are theirs completely.
I simply do not have room for a baby. I will continue to support her as far as school goes. Not an issue there. I will also help with child care for night classes. I cannot do days. I have to work.
She has scholarships for school. I pay minimally and will continue that. It IS in her best interest to do so.
I would never see a child starve either. I'm not cruel. I just will not accept this as another child that is my responsibility. It is theirs and I want them to go into this eyes wide open.
They do need to see that their lives are going to drastically change. I do not want them thinking life remains the same. It absolutely does not and he child becomes your top priority.
It depends on the personalities of the siblings, but in my experience having an older sibling experience an unplanned pregnancy did NOT make it attractive in any way to them.
Quote:
Originally Posted by malamute
As for having babies around encouraging younger siblings to have some of their own, I think that tends to have an opposite effect. Kids that know there is more to babies than cuteness and fun baby showers tend to want to delay the start of their own families.
As someone else already pointed out with links to research, this just sadly often isn't true.
A number of studies have found long-term negative economic consequences for teen
parents. As a result, there is substantial policy interest in reducing the occurrence
of teen pregnancy by targeting high-risk individuals... Our work suggests that sibling peer effects in sexual behavior are
strong and these younger siblings could be a particularly well-targeted group for teen
pregnancy prevention campaigns.
Last edited by Jaded; 09-08-2013 at 03:34 PM..
Reason: Copyright
Is is their behavior though? Or the fact that most teen mothers come from lower socio economic backgrounds and often lack the parental supervision, and involvement in their lives.
I haven't seen it and tried to do a search. They do not live together. She lives with us and he lives with his parents. I still pay all of her bills and his parents pay his. If they were through school I would be happy for them. As it is now, they both work part time, spend every dime they make and think they can do this.
My husband is 100% against this and has said our daughter will not live with the baby in our house.
I'm heartbroken and sick over this.
Jersey, my heart goes out to you. My daughter was in the same situation when she was 19! (She's now thirty.) When she told me she was pregnant, I cried for four days solid.
She was also in school - and to complicate things, we didn't like the father AT ALL. He wasn't the sort of guy she had usually dated and we felt he was "going nowhere" (and our feelings were accurate).
Odd thing is, we were in the process of MOVING into a smaller house with one LESS bedroom when she dropped this bomb on us, so on top of our concerns for her, we suddenly had less room than ever just when we might need more! She had already been actively planning to move out as well, into her own place with a couple of girlfriends.
So...after some thought, I decided she still needed to move out. No, I wasn't kicking her out, but I had the distinct feeling that if she stayed with us, she'd just quit her part time job, quit school, and next thing we'd know, we'd be raising her baby as well, which is something I wasn't willing to do for a young woman (it wasn't like she was fourteen - she was NINETEEN - there's a big difference).
I found her an apartment literally right next to her job. Ironically, she was the receptionist for the local Catholic diocese. You'd think she'd be looked down on because she was an unwed mother - but the exact opposite thing happened! Those nuns and priests and laypeople couldn't do enough for her - they spoiled her ROTTEN. I never saw so much petting on one person! Not only that, she got about 15 serious offers to adopt her baby (thankfully, she decided to keep the baby, even though I had people calling me assuring me that it would be an open adoption and that they'd willingly share that baby with us completely! ).
I paid her first month's rent, the deposits, etc and helped her furnish her little apartment with second hand items - it was good bonding time for us and we had all those months to collect baby gear and clothes, etc. as well. Her friends threw her the most massive baby shower I've ever seen, so she had need of NOTHING for herself or the baby.
Thank goodness, she did NOT marry the father. She also dropped out of school, which I would not have preferred for her to do, but honestly, her priorities shifted. She was able to qualify for a fantastic prenatal program offered through a privately owned local hospital, for low income mothers (her healthcare was basically free). She worked full time up to the day she went into labor.
Her best friend, me, and the father's mother (who was and still is a good family friend) were in the delivery room with her, and when she had that tiny five pound adorable baby girl, there wasn't a dry eye in the room. It was amazing! As soon as I held that baby (I gave her her first bath!), I felt like an absolute fool for all that crying I'd been doing a few months before.
My daughter moved in with me for two weeks after the birth of the baby. Then, suddenly, one morning she got up and said, "Well, I guess I'll go BACK HOME NOW." (Yes, she now thought of her little apartment as home.) She packed up, and packed that tiny baby up, and walked right out of my house. Then I had to cry for FOUR MORE DAYS! LOL
Long story short, shortly thereafter, she met a terrific guy. He told me later that the first thing that attracted him to my daughter (after her beautiful smile) was that she was so self sufficient and so brave, and doing such a great job of raising her baby. I knew that if I hadn't been firm on the front end, she'd still have been living at home and wouldn't have been nearly as strong a young woman as she had become.
Two years later, they were married! Now they have two children together, and just adopted a little boy from Korea! Also, my son in law formally adopted my oldest granddaughter as well. They've been married now for nearly ten years and are a beautiful family. Her husband has his bachelor's degree and has a very professional job and my daughter is a stay at home mom who homeschools their kids.
Here is the life that I thought we didn't want:
A few years ago:
Now:
She is a beautiful young lady, a great student, very active in drama and she loves to read. She loves music too and plays the piano. I can't imagine life without this precious girl!
I encourage you to embrace the fact that YOU WILL DEARLY LOVE THIS BABY. I also encourage you to firmly but lovingly insist that your daughter be as self sufficient as possible. A nineteen year old is perfectly capable of responsibly raising a baby, especially with some emotional support from her parents and family.
I don't like the idea of people getting abortions as a form of birth control, but scenarios like this is why I'm pro choice. Statistically your daughter is going to be a single mom if she has that kid. Her and the father will most likely split up sometime in the next few years because they're both still growing up. By the time they both have it together financially that kid will be in grade school already. Your going to have a guy trying to pay child support while going to college (bad situation) and a single mom trying to go to school with parents that aren't willing to help from the sounds of it. also, both of those kids have basically made her dating life for the next 18 years a nightmare.
You can welcome the new family member with open arms and still expect the new parents to grow up and be responsible parents. You can help and guide and even assist them where you can and not become an enabler.
Telling a mother to just have her baby destroyed can also have severe consequences. I know a woman whose mother told her both her children aborted before they were born, the first was while she was married, the second was after she was divorced but with the same father. She will never forget that her own mother wanted her children dead. That kind of thing can be unforgiveable.
One of my daughters' very best friends has had to deal with this very issue. Around the same time my daughter had her baby, this particular friend found out she was pregnant. Her mother pressured her to have an abortion and finish school. She did so, wanting to please her parents. She has regretted this decision BITTERLY for years now, especially since her younger sister DIDN'T have an abortion when she found out she was pregnant a few years later, and the older sister watched her mother go on to dote on her sister's child and be very supportive of her and the baby.
I know that others will probably give stories with all sorts of different twists, but the bottom line is that the young woman is 19, not 14, and if I were the mother, I would stay OUT of the decision completely. I would not financially support anyone, but I would still pay for college, and I'd offer to baby sit often as well.
The thing is, if the mom presses for an abortion and the daughter chooses not to have one, she will always, always remember that her own mother wanted her grandchild to be aborted. No bueno.
Is is their behavior though? Or the fact that most teen mothers come from lower socio economic backgrounds and often lack the parental supervision, and involvement in their lives.
*shrug*
whatever factors were present at the initial pregnancy will still be present for the younger siblings. Yes SES matter but much of what I read points to the most important factor in sibling pregnancy rates are whether or not older siblings are teen parents themselves which compounds the issue. The new baby is there to exacerbate the issues that caused the initial pregnancy (unless steps are taken to mitigate the impact) .
Kathryn, that was a beautiful life story! Thank you for sharing it!
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