How to deal with a pregnant teen (music, breastfed, custody)
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I read the first couple pages of this thread and why are you so upset and mad OP? Geez.. She's 19. I can understand being angry if she's 14.. 15... 16 but 19 is an adult. And then you want her to have an abortion? That's not right.
You really need to read the entire thread...or at least the last 50 pages....
I read the first couple pages of this thread and why are you so upset and mad OP? Geez.. She's 19. I can understand being angry if she's 14.. 15... 16 but 19 is an adult. And then you want her to have an abortion? That's not right.
I am extremely embarrassed and disappointed in myself for my original reaction to this situation.
I was more upset for how difficult life will be and how much harder achieving goals will become.
I changed my mind and my heart. I'm so glad I did. I have a beautiful and sweet little baby to come home to each day. I am thoroughly enjoying my cuddles and bath time is the best.
I have grown so much over the past nine months. You have no idea how much I regret my original reaction.
This thread has been such a wonderful outlet with so many great opinions and points of view that have helped me more than thousands in therapy ever could. The posters are amazing and I can't tell them how grateful I am for their honesty and candid thoughts.
I still use it to vent. I don't say these things that I do on here. People really help me to see other sides that I am blind to. It takes a very open mind and heart to deal with such a situation. I'm doing my best because when it comes down to it, I only want great things for both my daughter and now her daughter too.
I am extremely embarrassed and disappointed in myself for my original reaction to this situation.
I was more upset for how difficult life will be and how much harder achieving goals will become.
I changed my mind and my heart. I'm so glad I did. I have a beautiful and sweet little baby to come home to each day. I am thoroughly enjoying my cuddles and bath time is the best.
I have grown so much over the past nine months. You have no idea how much I regret my original reaction.
This thread has been such a wonderful outlet with so many great opinions and points of view that have helped me more than thousands in therapy ever could. The posters are amazing and I can't tell them how grateful I am for their honesty and candid thoughts.
I still use it to vent. I don't say these things that I do on here. People really help me to see other sides that I am blind to. It takes a very open mind and heart to deal with such a situation. I'm doing my best because when it comes down to it, I only want great things for both my daughter and now her daughter too.
I don't think you have anything to be embarrassed and ashamed about. I think it was a very normal and honest reaction. And I think you and your entire family worked through it very gracefully and have a lovely little one in the end. I think this thread has a wonderful outcome and really does a good job of showing the entire spectrum of feeling and fears - in an honest way. And that exactly is where it will be helpful to others. To see the real feeling and thoughts and how things can change and mature along the way.
I don't think you have anything to be embarrassed and ashamed about. I think it was a very normal and honest reaction. And I think you and your entire family worked through it very gracefully and have a lovely little one in the end. I think this thread has a wonderful outcome and really does a good job of showing the entire spectrum of feeling and fears - in an honest way. And that exactly is where it will be helpful to others. To see the real feeling and thoughts and how things can change and mature along the way.
Thank you. I appreciate that. The feelings were so raw in the beginning. I was in a situation I never even thought of. I thought if taken all the proper measures to avoid it, spoken honestly with my girls throughout their lives and really tried to be as supportive as I could be.
I do hope one day someone else in these same shoes can look onto all the great advice throughout this thread and maybe use some of it for their own journey. It's not easy but nothing worth having ever is.
In some states, the amount of child support is also affected by how many nights/month the child spends with each parent. This has led to parents battling furiously over visitation schedules, since money is attached to it. Thus a mother with primary custody who earns more than a father with only visitation, can wind up paying the father, even though the child spends more than half the time at the mother's home.
I am extremely embarrassed and disappointed in myself for my original reaction to this situation.
I was more upset for how difficult life will be and how much harder achieving goals will become.
I changed my mind and my heart. I'm so glad I did. I have a beautiful and sweet little baby to come home to each day. I am thoroughly enjoying my cuddles and bath time is the best.
I have grown so much over the past nine months. You have no idea how much I regret my original reaction.
This thread has been such a wonderful outlet with so many great opinions and points of view that have helped me more than thousands in therapy ever could. The posters are amazing and I can't tell them how grateful I am for their honesty and candid thoughts.
I still use it to vent. I don't say these things that I do on here. People really help me to see other sides that I am blind to. It takes a very open mind and heart to deal with such a situation. I'm doing my best because when it comes down to it, I only want great things for both my daughter and now her daughter too.
You shouldn't ashamed or embarrassed at this thread at all...you went through the stages any honest parent would....and you came out stronger and better at the end.....that is all any of us can ask for when faced with stressful things in our family.
What is better, is that you did find an outlet to work through it all.....you've taken advice you've found useful and ignored the rest....and in the end....you have a solid, supportive relationship with your daughter....and a new grand-daughter to dote on.
Do not be ashamed of the path it took you to get here.....if anything.....this entire thread should be required reading for parents/grandparents going through such things...because you've been so open about the up and downs.
At most....a disclaimer at the first post of the thread warning people that they need to read to the end should be added....but it's not your problem if they don't!
You're an awesome Mom and Grandma....never apologize for that!
Last edited by ScarletG; 06-13-2014 at 11:01 PM..
Reason: ...few does not equal 'new'.....
Your daughter made the very selfish decision to become pregnant and have a baby while still utterly and completely financially and emotionally dependent upon you and your husband. Your initial reaction was utterly appropriate. I think you should be PROUD of yourself for not having told her in no uncertain terms that she could have an abortion or move out. She still faces a future of poverty and dependency, either upon you or the taxpayers, unless she's able to get that teaching degree and get a teaching position, no easy task in today's economy.
You've dealt amazingly well with the situation you were handed. You have no reason to EVER be ashamed for your initial reaction.
Your daughter made the very selfish decision to become pregnant and have a baby while still utterly and completely financially and emotionally dependent upon you and your husband. Your initial reaction was utterly appropriate. I think you should be PROUD of yourself for not having told her in no uncertain terms that she could have an abortion or move out. She still faces a future of poverty and dependency, either upon you or the taxpayers, unless she's able to get that teaching degree and get a teaching position, no easy task in today's economy.
You've dealt amazingly well with the situation you were handed. You have no reason to EVER be ashamed for your initial reaction.
Oh yeah that's certainly the best way to support your obviously scared child "Abortion or GTFO." Nice to also know that according to you that poverty is the only option you get for being a single parent.
If your 19 year old son, living at home and utterly dependent upon you, with no career, one year of community college, no professional qualifications, and a part time job that paid maybe $500/month, came home having signed for a huge car loan on an very expensive sports car that some unscrupulous car dealer had suckered him into, that would take every penny he made for the next five years, what would your reaction be? Now let's add in that you had counseled him for the past five years on NOT falling prey to frivolous debt in such a manner, and had told him that if he ever did this, he would be living somewhere else, paying his own way, and could pay the car loan on his own. Of course any parent would go through the roof!
Compare this to an "accidental" pregnancy, after the young woman has been given all the information and tools to NOT get pregnant, has been previously warned about the extreme difficulties of life as a young single mother without the means of earning a living, with younger siblings still living at home, in a three bedroom house with three kids sharing two bedrooms, in a family that's by no means wealthy. Babies are expensive to raise - ask any parent paying for childcare (at least a thousand a month), clothing, food, medical bills, TIME. It's hard enough to get through college and grad school without kids - almost impossible to do it as a single parent. And it doesn't get better. As made obvious by Jersey's own investment of time into this daughter over the past year, kids don't stop needing a lot of time and money from you even after they turn 18.
Jersey was informed of this pregnancy very early on, right after the missed period. Who could blame her for her initial reaction of "This is YOUR responsibility." And if she at that point thought TO HERSELF that it might be better for everyone if her daughter had an abortion, who could blame her for that? My point is that Jersey has NOTHING to be ashamed of. She left the decision to her daughter, and came around to feeling that they had to continue to financially support the daughter and grandchild, for the good of the grandchild. She never pressured her daughter to have an abortion. The entire family wound up deciding that they they would all make sacrifices for the sake of the grandchild, without condoning the selfish decision of the daughter.
Jersey, don't waste a second feeling guilty if you privately thought that it would have been better if your daughter had chosen to abort, or for having initially told her that she and the baby's father needed to take full responsibility for their foolish carelessness. You've gotten over your anger at her, you've fully supported her for the sake of the grandchild (and for the sake of your own child). You're a rockstar of a mother and grandmother! You have NO reason to feel guilty!
Oh yeah that's certainly the best way to support your obviously scared child "Abortion or GTFO." Nice to also know that according to you that poverty is the only option you get for being a single parent.
You have to read the entire thread to understand where parentologist is coming from. The OP's daughter began this journey indeed being very immature and naive. Selfish is an understatement. The entire family has grown from this experience...it's truly a "learning" experience! Scared or not, the moment these two young adults decided to parent, reality was destined to set in. Thanks to the OP, her daughter will avoid poverty and so will her granddaughter. Being a single parent has nothing to do with this. But I would like to point out that single mothers are more likely to live in poverty than their married counterparts. This is a fact. The OP's daughter is no exception to the rule, what she is is fortunate to have the support of her family. Regardless of the emotional struggle they endured while getting to this point.
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Oh yeah that's certainly the best way to support your obviously scared child "Abortion or GTFO." Nice to also know that according to you that poverty is the only option you get for being a single parent.
