How to deal with a pregnant teen (breastfeeding, custody, legally)
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You have to read the entire thread to understand where parentologist is coming from. The OP's daughter began this journey indeed being very immature and naive. Selfish is an understatement. The entire family has grown from this experience...it's truly a "learning" experience! Scared or not, the moment these two young adults decided to parent, reality was destined to set in. Thanks to the OP, her daughter will avoid poverty and so will her granddaughter. Being a single parent has nothing to do with this. But I would like to point out that single mothers are more likely to live in poverty than their married counterparts. This is a fact. The OP's daughter is no exception to the rule, what she is is fortunate to have the support of her family. Regardless of the emotional struggle they endured while getting to this point.
Oh I was here when the thread started and no very well the situation. I will never support that arm twisting idea to get your child to give the child up or abort it or leave the house. Just because you don't agree with the situation doesn't mean you can't offer up some support, even if it's just emotional support. While many single parents have to live in poverty the numbers are skewed a bit since a good chunk of single mothers are women who already lived in poverty to begin with. So certainly if you live in that perpetual cycle than chances are you will continue with it. However, it's not accurate to say that just because you are a teen mother you are destined for poverty either. It's far less likely to happen when you come from a middle class existence and have more access to support structures.
Lucid, what are you talking about? "Access to support structures"? You mean making your parents pay to support you and the children you decide to have because they cannot bear to see their own grandchild suffer, just because the mother chose to have a baby without being able to support it?
If Jersey and her husband had not decided to let this young woman continue to live at home as their dependent, while she so irresponsibly made a new dependent, this girl would be in a homeless shelter with that newborn right now. That's a pretty rapid descent from middle class to underclass.
Honestly, the only support structure she has is us. There is not other means of support for her. Extended family is 400+ miles away.
It it weren't for us, a women's shelter would be where she would have ended up. There's no question about that.
School would not happen. I just don't know what would happen. I can't even think about it.
We are doing what we can here. I'm not letting a baby suffer for no fault of her own. That just wouldn't be right. She needs to plan now for two people on limited resources of her own. It's awful but it's doable with our help. She is even getting used to the broken sleep now. And facing court from the dad.
She offered to bring the baby over yesterday to see him for a few hours. He said no if he couldn't take her by himself. He said it would be uncomfortable with my daughter there.
A one month old that is breast feeding cannot be away for a few hours from her mother.
So now she's dealing with control issues from the fob side. It's a lot for anyone to handle let alone a very young person. If it were me I would go crazy without someone to help me through it all.
She offered to bring the baby over yesterday to see him for a few hours. He said no if he couldn't take her by himself. He said it would be uncomfortable with my daughter there.
A one month old that is breast feeding cannot be away for a few hours from her mother.
This is just so weird, what could they possibly want to do with the baby where the mother is not present? Just makes no sense to me.
This is just so weird, what could they possibly want to do with the baby where the mother is not present? Just makes no sense to me.
Bond with the baby without the mom there. Think about it, the fob's parents aren't allowed in the house where the baby lives and it's not unexpected that mother is not really welcome in the house. I don't really see what an hour or two in between feeding would have mattered seeing as how it was Father's Day and let's face it time over there without mom present will be happening no matter what the mom wants once the court has their say.
ETA: she's only going to be able to use the breast feeding thing to keep the baby with her at all times for so long.
She offered to bring the baby over yesterday to see him for a few hours. He said no if he couldn't take her by himself. He said it would be uncomfortable with my daughter there.
A one month old that is breast feeding cannot be away for a few hours from her mother.
So now she's dealing with control issues from the fob side. It's a lot for anyone to handle let alone a very young person. If it were me I would go crazy without someone to help me through it all.
How far away does the baby's father live? Wouldn't it work out for your daughter to feed her baby, take her to Dad's house and then to go home or to a nearby coffee shop for a half hour or an hour or until the baby is fussy and wants to breast feed? I vaguely remember a co-worker's teenage daughter had a somewhat similar situation and she would take the very young baby to the Dad's house and then just sit in her car in his driveway and listen to music and read (or nap) for an hour or two. If the baby got hungry, before the visitation period (only an hour or two in the beginning) was up she was right there to feed the baby and to return him to Dad for the rest of his visitation time. In her case, she greatly appreciated having a little time away from her baby once a week, even if in the beginning she didn't actually leave.
Did I miss a post? Is your daughter concerned that Dad or his parents may mistreat the baby or steal the baby? It would be hard for Dad to bond and act natural with his child if Mom (his ex-girlfriend) is right there staring at him the whole time. It may seem to him that she is judging him & watching him because she expects him to make a mistake. What if she just sat on the porch or in another room while they bonded with the baby? If it is not too far away couldn't she just start with 15 or 30 minutes alone with Dad? (but maybe I missed something and that wouldn't work out).
Last edited by germaine2626; 06-16-2014 at 10:11 AM..
She offered to bring the baby over yesterday to see him for a few hours. He said no if he couldn't take her by himself. He said it would be uncomfortable with my daughter there.
A one month old that is breast feeding cannot be away for a few hours from her mother.
The baby can be away from her for a few hours. They live nearby. Your daughter is supplementing. She can pump too. If she breastfed before dropping the baby off and left bottles, the baby could definitely be there for three hours or more.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Carrie2979
This is just so weird, what could they possibly want to do with the baby where the mother is not present? Just makes no sense to me.
I don't think it's weird. They want to bond with the baby unsupervised because both families are estranged.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Spazkat9696
let's face it time over there without mom present will be happening no matter what the mom wants once the court has their say.
ETA: she's only going to be able to use the breast feeding thing to keep the baby with her at all times for so long.
This is exactly why he filed for custody and visitation. He hasn't done anything wrong to warrant supervised visitation. He has a right to spend time with his baby by himself.
Bond with the baby without the mom there. Think about it, the fob's parents aren't allowed in the house where the baby lives and it's not unexpected that mother is not really welcome in the house. I don't really see what an hour or two in between feeding would have mattered seeing as how it was Father's Day and let's face it time over there without mom present will be happening no matter what the mom wants once the court has their say.
ETA: she's only going to be able to use the breast feeding thing to keep the baby with her at all times for so long.
So they're aware that they're not allowed in the OP's house?
This is just so weird, what could they possibly want to do with the baby where the mother is not present? Just makes no sense to me.
Bond.
I know in the beginning when I finally got to see my child, we did a couple supervised visits just for the first visit or two. Wasn't a big deal as we all got along fine, but having the mom there didn't really make for a comfortable situation and I wasn't really able to be myself. I was a nervous new father, and having a protective mother there made me even more nervous.
Only once I got my share of unsupervised visits was I able to really bond with my child. It was just not having someone looking over my shoulder, judging me or feeling like if i messed up something I'd be looked down upon.
I wasn't really there for the birth of my child (not by my own choice) so i missed out on a lot. Regaining that time was a lot easier when I could do it alone with my own child.
I know in the beginning when I finally got to see my child, we did a couple supervised visits just for the first visit or two. Wasn't a big deal as we all got along fine, but having the mom there didn't really make for a comfortable situation and I wasn't really able to be myself. I was a nervous new father, and having a protective mother there made me even more nervous.
Only once I got my share of unsupervised visits was I able to really bond with my child. It was just not having someone looking over my shoulder, judging me or feeling like if i messed up something I'd be looked down upon.
I wasn't really there for the birth of my child (not by my own choice) so i missed out on a lot. Regaining that time was a lot easier when I could do it alone with my own child.
A very valid point. Maybe if they allowed her to be there for the first few visits to earn her trust so she knows the baby is in good hands then the request can be granted. She's a new mom and very protective as well. These people including the baby's dad since pregnancy have not been the best of people. If they had been a bit nicer, the op's daugher may have been a bit more understaning imo.
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