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I agree 100%, Meyerland! I have been following this thread from the beginning, and I don't think that some people realize that OP comes in here to vent about things that she doesn't want to vent about to her family because she is trying hard not to influence her daughter's decisions.
A lot of the time she will vent about something and then come back later to say she has given it some thought and changed her mind or decided to do something different. This is her place to talk from a scared and emotional place and then work her way through it in an intelligent way. I think some people need to back off a little, or at least read the whole thread if you have not already.
OP, good luck with everything. I'm glad that you have a place that you can let it out.
This is certainly a thread you can't just start commenting on in the middle....the Jersey has gone through the full gambit of emotions and understanding....and circumstances have changed with the daughter and former boyfriend from the start.
I've been very impressed how she's progressed in her acceptance and grace in this whole thing...and am glad she's had a place to vent and get support.
Agreed Meyerland. This is the OP's safe place to vent - she's not saying these things to her family, or the father's family, she needs somewhere to get out the frustrations and fears!!
Childbirth is just about the most vulnerable moment possible for a woman - in pain, naked, legs splayed apart. I can completely understand a woman's desire to only have present supportive people whom SHE wants with her at that time, and this kid has really been an unsupportive jerk. Seeing the actual moment of birth of a baby is not the essence of fatherhood. He can meet the baby in the nursery when the baby is being examined and given her first bath. It's her choice. She should NOT feel that she has to have him in the room for the delivery, even if she told him he could be there. She can change her mind right up to the last minute. It's HER choice.
Amen and amen and amen.
When my 19 year old daughter had her baby, she did not allow the father of the baby in the delivery room (he was 18 years old and they were not together by the time the baby was born). I was there, the other grandmother was there, and my daughter's best friend from school.
I know it was his firstborn child too - but like you said, childbirth is intensely personal and graphic. My daughter was not married to this guy and never would be (thank God). And not only that, but her instincts about him were RIGHT (I only wish they'd kicked in before she got pregnant!). He WASN'T good "father material," and he wasn't mature enough to be a dad, let alone be in the delivery room.
He stood right outside the door (where millions of dads over the ages have stood while women tended the business of birth) and held his new daughter a few minutes after she was born.
And before anyone says anything like, "Maybe if he'd actually been in the room when the baby was born, he'd have been a better father," let me just stop you right there and say, "Uhhhhh, no he wouldn't have been." It was his MOTHER and his SISTERS who were most concerned about (and pushing for) a deeper relationship with the baby...they were afraid that he wouldn't follow through (see, they knew him well too!) and that they'd lose their connection with the child. I am proud of my daughter, who has always allowed that family fair access and an unimpeded relationship with the child, in spite of the EXTREME differences in values between our two families. It hasn't always been easy but the bottom line is that we don't want to remove people from her life who claim to love her. If they gradually fade out of her life (like her dad already has and the grandmother is not far behind him unfortunately) it will be by THEIR choice.
Last edited by KathrynAragon; 05-06-2014 at 11:01 PM..
This is certainly a thread you can't just start commenting on in the middle....the Jersey has gone through the full gambit of emotions and understanding....and circumstances have changed with the daughter and former boyfriend from the start.
I've been very impressed how she's progressed in her acceptance and grace in this whole thing...and am glad she's had a place to vent and get support.
Now...when is this baby going to be born?! LOL!!
Yes that's what I keep checking back to see --- the birth announcement.
I think this other stuff is just pre-birth stress -- the young mother and the young father and all the family members have dealt with a lot of change in their lives and they're just having to work stuff out -- but soon things are changing again. They'll actually be holding and gushing over the new one.
Jersey, your attitude and behavior on this thread (and probably in real life) are excellent. You're level headed and fair minded and logical. Follow your gut on this matter - it's served you very well so far.
I am so excited that YOU are so excited about the baby! I can't wait to hear about how you felt the first time you held that first grandbaby in your arms. Regardless of the less than ideal circumstances, I have a feeling that this moment will take you a very long way!
Jersey, your attitude and behavior on this thread (and probably in real life) are excellent. You're level headed and fair minded and logical. Follow your gut on this matter - it's served you very well so far.
I am so excited that YOU are so excited about the baby! I can't wait to hear about how you felt the first time you held that first grandbaby in your arms. Regardless of the less than ideal circumstances, I have a feeling that this moment will take you a very long way!
The title of the thread will have to change. It won't be about a pregnant teen, she's almost done with the pregnancy and she also won't be a teen much longer.
The title of the thread will have to change. It won't be about a pregnant teen, she's almost done with the pregnancy and she also won't be a teen much longer.
In no way is anyone trying to exclude anyone. Where did that come from?
She wants the dad present for the birth and the family to visit. The only thing she's uncomfortable with is if she is to have to have a last minute c section, she doesn't want the dad there for the c section. That's it.
Another poster said something about major drama at the hospital. My comment was for that. Not because anyone wouldn't be welcome.
No one will behave in a disrespectful manner toward any one of them. Of that, I am certain.
I think we made that leap because the father might get upset if he isn't allowed in the room (in the case of a c-section). He might make a scene, security might be called... Hopefully not.
Jersey what exactly is your daughter's concern with having the father in the delivery room for the C-section versus natural birth? Does she have concerns about it that you or her doctor can put at ease? If modesty is of concern, surely you can point out that a natural delivery is way more "visual" than a C-section considering they actually shield the incision from the mother and therefore he'd be shielded from it too. She won't feel the C-section however, the natural birth will most assuredly be a very, very different experience. It is a bit odd that it's the C-section that she's banning him from the delivery room for...I was just curious about this the more I read through your posts.
Jersey what exactly is your daughter's concern with having the father in the delivery room for the C-section versus natural birth? Does she have concerns about it that you or her doctor can put at ease? If modesty is of concern, surely you can point out that a natural delivery is way more "visual" than a C-section considering they actually shield the incision from the mother and therefore he'd be shielded from it too. She won't feel the C-section however, the natural birth will most assuredly be a very, very different experience. It is a bit odd that it's the C-section that she's banning him from the delivery room for...I was just curious about this the more I read through your posts.
Do you understand the difference with typical birth and a c-section? Modesty isn't the issue...I would guess you have limited experience with this...at best.
Having your lower body cut open, your inner organs splayed and placed on your stomach while they deliver the baby is not something that you just want just anyone to be there for. It's different...no matter what you think. (And go ahead. give me another demerit like you so love to do...you are not always right and you can ban me for saying that.)
Now, in my case, my c-section was fine...my husband was there....he got to bond with our daughter right off the bat (in fact, I think the fact that he he got to hold her while I was being sewn up led to there close bond)....but I trusted him fully...and 20 years later he's never done anything for me to doubt that....but Jersey's daughter doesn't have the luxury...and it should be her choice....100%.
Having a c-sec is different....it's not a question of modesty....and again...it's the MOTHER"S choice.
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