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The baby's father really hasn't been very suppotive the whole pregnancy so if it were me, I would have my mom there vs him in a heartbeat as well. Sending good thoughts to you and your family for a speedy and healthy delivery. I can't wait to hear the wonderful news
When my 19 year old daughter had her baby, she did not allow the father of the baby in the delivery room (he was 18 years old and they were not together by the time the baby was born). I was there, the other grandmother was there, and my daughter's best friend from school.
I know it was his firstborn child too - but like you said, childbirth is intensely personal and graphic. My daughter was not married to this guy and never would be (thank God). And not only that, but her instincts about him were RIGHT (I only wish they'd kicked in before she got pregnant!). He WASN'T good "father material," and he wasn't mature enough to be a dad, let alone be in the delivery room.
He stood right outside the door (where millions of dads over the ages have stood while women tended the business of birth) and held his new daughter a few minutes after she was born.
And before anyone says anything like, "Maybe if he'd actually been in the room when the baby was born, he'd have been a better father," let me just stop you right there and say, "Uhhhhh, no he wouldn't have been." It was his MOTHER and his SISTERS who were most concerned about (and pushing for) a deeper relationship with the baby...they were afraid that he wouldn't follow through (see, they knew him well too!) and that they'd lose their connection with the child. I am proud of my daughter, who has always allowed that family fair access and an unimpeded relationship with the child, in spite of the EXTREME differences in values between our two families. It hasn't always been easy but the bottom line is that we don't want to remove people from her life who claim to love her. If they gradually fade out of her life (like her dad already has and the grandmother is not far behind him unfortunately) it will be by THEIR choice.
Yes, but that's not how we do it now in 2014. And you are making assumptions about what effect it would have had on him. You'll never really know. Studies have shown it has a profound effect all round, including the man having increased respect for women in general, his partner in particular, and better attachment to the child.
Listen, I trust you and your daughter's instinct in this case but as a general rule, just not liking the guy or having judged him wanting is not a good enough reason IMO to deny him that experience.
I don't understand how people (generic) can so casually blow off the father's involvement in the birth of his child like it ain't no thing. I don't care where you are in your relationship with him. It's HIS CHILD TOO.
Men routinely express how the moment they cut their baby's cord changed them forever. Even in this thread. Yet we act like they don't count.
It IS a big deal.
And yes childbirth is intimate, personal, and graphic. But guess what, so is sex. And that particular Elvis has already left the building.
Yes, but that's not how we do it now in 2014. And you are making assumptions about what effect it would have had on him. You'll never really know. Studies have shown it has a profound effect all round, including the man having increased respect for women in general, his partner in particular, and better attachment to the child.
Listen, I trust you and your daughter's instinct in this case but as a general rule, just not liking the guy or having judged him wanting is not a good enough reason IMO to deny him that experience.
I don't understand how people (generic) can so casually blow off the father's involvement in the birth of his child like it ain't no thing. I don't care where you are in your relationship with him. It's HIS CHILD TOO.
Men routinely express how the moment they cut their baby's cord changed them forever. Even in this thread. Yet we act like they don't count.
It IS a big deal.
And yes childbirth is intimate, personal, and graphic. But guess what, so is sex. And that particular Elvis has already left the building.
This thread isn't a generic discussion about labor and delivery practices in 2014.
It's about Jersey's daughter. Jersey explained her daughter's reason. It's a valid one.
She is being induced on Monday!! Please keep positive thoughts for an uneventful labor and delivery.
Thanks for the update! Hope everything goes well. Will be thinking about you and your family on Monday.
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