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Being happy with the children you have and not wanting more is not a sign of deep-seated pathology.
As my grandmother used to say, "I wouldn't take a million dollars for the ones I have, but I wouldn't give a plugged nickel for another one".
LOL, over-react much? I never suggested selfishness was a deep seated pathology. Nor is loving the children you have and wanting more, as appears to be the position of the OP's wife.
Going from 2 to 3 for us, was very easy. My oldest started school a month after our 3rd was born, and that was hectic, but we muddled through it. We have given up quite a bit to raise our 3, but it's been a sacrifice I'd make a million times over.
I had 3 miscarriages over the years, and thought we couldn't get pregnant, or keep a pregnancy for that matter. I was in the midst of waiting to have my tubes tied and we found out we're pregnant with #4. Yes, #4, due in February. We WERE done, but nature had another plan for us, and to tell the truth, I haven't had a moment's pause about it all. Sure, I'm nervous...sure, I'm scared of all kinds of things, but we've had some of the roughest times when our first was born, from losing parents, losing jobs, moving, etc. We survived all of those obstacles, and have made the choice to raise our children to the best of our ability. I sometimes look at my friends that have one or two, and see how they are able to find babysitters (we never have one-it's been a year and a half since my husband and myself have been out together sans children) and go out and take vacations. I envy that at times, but I also know that there are 3 loving, sometimes rotten children that adore me and my husband.
It's a tough decision. I know in my heart I wanted another, almost to replace the ones we lost (that may sound strange) but I felt an emptiness after all of our losses. However, this #4 is final. I'm AMA and 4 is a good number for us. I wish you the best with talking with your wife about this...it can be disheartening when 2 people want different things.
Hi,
My wife is desperate for a third child, she is in her late 30's and her biological clock is ticking loud. We have been together 8 years and already have 2 lovely children. The 1st has just started school and the 2nd is oh so close to being out of nappies.
I am in my early 40's and I love my kids and my wife but I just have no desire to have another child, in fact I just can't face the thought of doing all of that again when we are just reaching a stage where we can get some time on our own without the kids. My parents were at least 10 years younger than I am now at the time they had their third child and man, what a difference those years make!
However this issue is causing us some pretty major problems. It was probably the underlying issue for a pretty rough patch we went through last year. We had some counseling and we really managed to get to the root of some things and our relationship improved as a result. But part of the solution was not to take the baby issue off the agenda for 6 months. That really helped us get back on track as a couple but that time is well up now and the issue remains.
She is desperate to have another and I am desperate not too. Does anyone have any useful suggestions on a way forward.
Grow up, and do what your wife wants for God's sake. What the hell is wrong with you? After all, this woman committed her life to you, and more likely will be taking care of you when you can't take care of yourself. She wants another baby, for the love of God, give that lovely woman another child.
It is rare that a parent regrets having a child after that baby emerges. You have two beautiful kids and you don't regret having either one, correct? The problem here lies with you and your childish, self-centeredness. Perhaps your concern is that you're no longer capable? What is the real source of your resistance here?
I have only three kids and wish I had ten more. Kids are beautiful and enhance one's life to the fullest. Your wife is in the right here.
Grow up, and do what your wife wants for God's sake. What the hell is wrong with you? After all, this woman committed her life to you, and more likely will be taking care of you when you can't take care of yourself. She wants another baby, for the love of God, give that lovely woman another child.
It is rare that a parent regrets having a child after that baby emerges. You have two beautiful kids and you don't regret having either one, correct? The problem here lies with you and your childish, self-centeredness. Perhaps your concern is that you're no longer capable? What is the real source of your resistance here?
I have only three kids and wish I had ten more. Kids are beautiful and enhance one's life to the fullest. Your wife is in the right here.
what the hell is wrong with you??? Why assume he is the one with the problem and not her? 10 kids would not enhance my life. They would send us to the poor house and take away my sanity. Not everyone wants or needs kids, and that's ok.
Not everyone feels the way you do either. Such is life. The man asked for different perspectives and he got mine. If you disagree, that's your perogative. It doesn't invalidate my perspective or minimize yours. We're all entitled to our opinions here.
I agree with Alexus, but saying so on this forum has become a hazard. Seems to be the majority here are the ones who don't want kids, who want just one, or just 2. If a person wants more than that, he/she is "weird" or a "weird Duggar" type. The same with the age of having kids. I would guess the most vocal here are early-mid-30s women, who have NO idea what they will feel at 40 or 50, yet they know it all.
Grow up, and do what your wife wants for God's sake. What the hell is wrong with you? After all, this woman committed her life to you, and more likely will be taking care of you when you can't take care of yourself. She wants another baby, for the love of God, give that lovely woman another child.
It is rare that a parent regrets having a child after that baby emerges. You have two beautiful kids and you don't regret having either one, correct? The problem here lies with you and your childish, self-centeredness. Perhaps your concern is that you're no longer capable? What is the real source of your resistance here?
I have only three kids and wish I had ten more. Kids are beautiful and enhance one's life to the fullest. Your wife is in the right here.
Oh dear God. You and MO need to hook up and play at being Duggars together.
What? So you are suggesting that he go behind his wife's back and have a vasectomy? I guess that's good advice if you want them to get divorced.
And you think the wife getting pregnant when the husband does NOT want another child is going to be good for an already in-trouble marriage?
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What is the real source of your resistance here?
Such is life. The man asked for different perspectives and he got mine. If you disagree, that's your perogative. It doesn't invalidate my perspective or minimize yours. We're all entitled to our opinions here.
