My wife wants a 3rd child. I don't. (childcare, pills, parents)
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
You know I suggested we go back to the counselor and most likely it'll help to some extent but you're probably right, it may never resolve. It seems like a no win. She'll resent me for not letting her go the 3rd and the if we have a 3rd, well that could be disastrous unless i can change my point of view and want it. But you know we've been going round on this for a good 18 months now and I don't even have an inkling of feeling like its a good idea
You could keep debating it with her until she reaches menopause Just kidding.
Yeah I see myself right there. I don't know if you wanted the third but I already know i don't. Plus we have limited Grandparent options which makes 'vacation' time difficult.
I was actually going to say that the third was something that took some time for me to come to terms with. We considered stopping at 2 and I was for it for all the practical reasons. My wife really wanted more, but the practical side weighed down on her over whether or not it was a good idea. We left it on the table, but wanted to wait at least another 2 years.
Lo and behold, my wife ended up pregnant though we weren't "trying". Just as an FYI number 2 and 3 are only 15 months apart in age. She was immediately happy and felt that it was right. I was far more apprehensive. I knew she didn't 'do' anything to make it happen, but I was really torn over whether or not I wanted a third.
To be completely honest it wasn't until number 3 was born that I really accepted that we were going to have 3 kids. Now, I love all my kids to death and the what if of not having number 3 doesn't even enter my mind. She really did complete our family.
Our lives are hectic and they would be much easier with less kids, but I wouldn't trade it for the world. I guess what I'm saying is even if you are against it now, if you do decide to go ahead, I guarantee you the thoughts of regret and apprehension will fade away as soon as you hold your child.
With that said though, it really is a decision you need to make together.
I've heard this same thing from my friends who have 3. They also mention that so many things are set up for families of 4 that one extra makes a difference even in things as obscure as purchasing a kitchen table set (table and 4 chairs). Fitting 3 carseats into a sedan is not as easy. Booths at restaurants? Not so much....All those little, "inconsequential" things add up and make things harder to deal with...I would add also though that many many of my friends, whose 3rd children tended to be "oops" babies....say that child is the easiest and most pleasant of their kids and they don't know what they'd do without them... (not sure about the twins though LOL)
This is right on. It is all of those little things that you don't even consider. Everything takes more effort and expense. When was the last time you heard about deals for a family of 5...lol.
For us, number 3 has been the easiest and most pleasent baby yet. She's a real good sleeper and never fussy. We chalk it up to being more experienced ourselves, but I think some of it has to do with a higher beings sense of compassion for parents who have 3 kids.
The good news: It will resolve itself one way or another. Either you will have a baby or you won't.
The bad news: It has the potential to make one of you very bitter and resentful.
If you don't want divorce then one of you must have to give in to the other. You both can't dig your feet in the sand. We had two and my wife really wanted 3. Did I really really want a 3rd. No. (that sounds bad but I love my son to death) I agreed that 3 was it and went to get snipped the week after he was delivered. But we also put a timeline on it. If she was not pregnant by a certain time then we both agreed to be done. 2 months before the time was up Surprise!!
Like I said you or her are going to have to decide. If you do decide to have a 3rd put a timeline on it and make sure you are both in agreement NO MORE. No matter what!!!!!
Our experience echos that of NJGoat's. We had two, were very happy, then had an oops baby 17 months after the 2nd. He has been our easiest child. He also served to cement the relationship between 1 and 2, who are as different as night and day, but both are close to #3.
#3 didn't cost much, since all were boys we had all the equipment we needed. Now, he's the first to get a full academic ride to college, so he's still a bargain.
It's very hard to admit the end of the child bearing years. Your wife needs something to replace the desire for a baby if you won't agree to one.
This is right on. It is all of those little things that you don't even consider. Everything takes more effort and expense. When was the last time you heard about deals for a family of 5...lol.
For us, number 3 has been the easiest and most pleasent baby yet. She's a real good sleeper and never fussy. We chalk it up to being more experienced ourselves, but I think some of it has to do with a higher beings sense of compassion for parents who have 3 kids.
My 3rd is easier in a lot of ways too. I am LMAO right now because I always joke that someone took pity on us and gave us an easier child because the first 2 are super high maintenance. Oh and I got a lot of flack and comments from my mom. She kept saying how she couldn't believe how someone could get pregnant if they didn't want to in this day and age. I didn't feel like discussing how it happened with her. If I told her she would have understood but some things are just too TMI to discuss with your parents.
Last edited by KylieEve; 09-22-2010 at 03:40 PM..
Reason: .
To the OP: Give your wife the gift of another child. This is something she feels strongly about and quite frankley you should be honored that after bearing you two children she loves you so much that she wants to go through pregnancy yet again.
There is something else going on that you are not admitting that is keeping you from wanting another child. It sounds as though at some level you are very selfish and actually resent the time the first two have taken from your life because you want more time for you. Very selfish, IMO.
If there is one thing in this world that is REAL it is the creation of children and the gift you give the world by raising them responsibly. Who knows if the next child might grow up to do important things and make important contributions. Your wife has a feeling about this that goes beyond her biological clock. Trust it and trust her. Love all your children and think a little less about yourself and appreciate the wonderful woman who married you and wants to bear another one of your children.
To the OP: Give your wife the gift of another child. This is something she feels strongly about and quite frankley you should be honored that after bearing you two children she loves you so much that she wants to go through pregnancy yet again.
There is something else going on that you are not admitting that is keeping you from wanting another child. It sounds as though at some level you are very selfish and actually resent the time the first two have taken from your life because you want more time for you. Very selfish, IMO.
If there is one thing in this world that is REAL it is the creation of children and the gift you give the world by raising them responsibly. Who knows if the next child might grow up to do important things and make important contributions. Your wife has a feeling about this that goes beyond her biological clock. Trust it and trust her. Love all your children and think a little less about yourself and appreciate the wonderful woman who married you and wants to bear another one of your children.
Do you have any idea how lucky you are?
I don't see him as selfish. I can understand that at some point you want to be done having kids. If he is in his early 40's that means he will be in his early 60's when his new child is 20!!!
I wanted to be done before 30. I was 30 when our last child was born. I'm not selfish and I do have a future of my own to worry about.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Just kidding.
