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I really appreciate all your responses, even the person who told me I was being selfish.......perhaps it's my wife posting lol.
It's certainly given me food for thought. Just one thing. I don't think our marriage is shakey, sure we've had rough patches but who hasn't. We had one last year but really it all boiled down to this issue being at the heart of it, and after that things have been pretty good.
It's really a case that with this issue, it's very emotive and really there isn't a half way house solution.
It's very interesting to hear from those who have or are going through a simlar situation so thank you for your comments and sharing. If there are any more pearls of wisdom out there please share
Another solution would be - having her eggs harvested and frozen, so any time over next decades (yes, decades) - if she wants a child, she could have her "freezies".
I am following a group of women who get pregnant at over 50, 52 - yes, they have little ones, regardless of the narrow-mindedness and judgement of other people. The only thing that they regret, is not harvesting own eggs in their 20s-30s. Yep, they have 30 yo kids, and 50-60yo husbands, and guess what, they have 2yo and 14 mo old, and they enjoy their life and their kids.
I seriously doubt that the OP is going to be ok with his wife having a kid in her 50's and most people wouldn't want to have kids in their 50's either.
Last edited by KylieEve; 09-23-2010 at 05:15 AM..
Reason: .
There is something else going on that you are not admitting that is keeping you from wanting another child. It sounds as though at some level you are very selfish and actually resent the time the first two have taken from your life because you want more time for you. Very selfish, IMO.
Oh brother.
Being happy with the children you have and not wanting more is not a sign of deep-seated pathology.
As my grandmother used to say, "I wouldn't take a million dollars for the ones I have, but I wouldn't give a plugged nickel for another one".
Being happy with the children you have and not wanting more is not a sign of deep-seated pathology.
Some people have serious problems believing that. And yet they won't consider that the one wanting the kid is the one with the problem.
I will say this to the OP: If wifey threatens divorce over this, then you tell her you'll fight tooth and nail for the two you do have, being that she's willing to threaten the sanctity and security of her 2 kids' home, then she's unsuitable to raise them.
I have three kids: ages 11, 9 and 8 months. We thought we were done when I became pregnant with #3 just after my 40th birthday. We were so surprised I don't think it completely sank in until we had our first ultrasound.
Having a third child definitely has made our lives more hectic. It's been rough getting into the swing of diapers and daycare again and having a new little person who is completely dependent on us.
That said, we wouldn't trade her for the world. She's added so much joy to our lives and our older girls are crazy about her.
I do think that whether or not you have a third child needs to be a mutual decision. Some things to consider:
1) Can you afford it?
2) Do you have room in your home/car for a third child?
3) Do you have enough time to devote to three kids?
4) Are you in good health? This is especially important for older parents, imo. It takes a lot of energy to run after a toddler and you may have to work longer than you intended to put him/her through college.
That's a tough one! I'm kind of in that boat, I know I want a 3rd(just not quite yet, within the next 3 years) and my husband just looks at me like I'm NUTS when I bring it up.
If you don't have another your wife might be resentful and feel like something is missing for....well...forever. But if you do YOU might feel wieghed down and resentful, maybe even resentful towards the child for...well....forever.
I think you guys need to sit down and have a LONG talk about it. Talk about why she wants another and why you don't. Go over the financials of another and also the strain just carinf for another baby and then child will have on the family (including the 2 kids you do have).
I have three kids: ages 11, 9 and 8 months. We thought we were done when I became pregnant with #3 just after my 40th birthday. We were so surprised I don't think it completely sank in until we had our first ultrasound.
This struck fear in my heart b/c oh boy I just turned 40 and the thought of another (people ask me if we are having more all of the time b/c we have four so I guess people think I want lots of kids because I already have four!!! lmao) is terrifying. I have a 3 yr old and it is tiring, much more so than 10 yrs ago.
I'm seriously considering getting my tubes tied for my 40th bday present to myself. LOL.
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