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To the OP: Give your wife the gift of another child. This is something she feels strongly about and quite frankley you should be honored that after bearing you two children she loves you so much that she wants to go through pregnancy yet again.
There is something else going on that you are not admitting that is keeping you from wanting another child. It sounds as though at some level you are very selfish and actually resent the time the first two have taken from your life because you want more time for you. Very selfish, IMO.
If there is one thing in this world that is REAL it is the creation of children and the gift you give the world by raising them responsibly. Who knows if the next child might grow up to do important things and make important contributions. Your wife has a feeling about this that goes beyond her biological clock. Trust it and trust her. Love all your children and think a little less about yourself and appreciate the wonderful woman who married you and wants to bear another one of your children.
Do you have any idea how lucky you are?
I don't think he is selfish for wanting some time to himself. Do you have any kids? I would love to have more time to myself and I don't view that as selfish in the least. So what you are essentially saying is that anyone who decides that 2 kids are enough is selfish????? What is that about 80% of the population. Most couples only have 2 kids.
I don't see him as selfish either. I can understand that at some point you want to be done having kids. If he is in his early 40's that means he will be in his early 60's when his new child is 20!!!
I wanted to be done before 30. I was 30 when our last child was born. I'm not selfish and I do have a future of my own to worry about.
I don't see the OP being selfish at all. It's a huge commitment to bring a child into this world regardless of how many you already have. You have to provide for that child for 18 years and sometimes parents still provide for their children long after 18 years.
OP: I wish you luck. I hope that for the sake of your marriage and family you both can compromise on what's best for your family today and in the future.
To the OP: Give your wife the gift of another child. This is something she feels strongly about and quite frankley you should be honored that after bearing you two children she loves you so much that she wants to go through pregnancy yet again.
There is something else going on that you are not admitting that is keeping you from wanting another child. It sounds as though at some level you are very selfish and actually resent the time the first two have taken from your life because you want more time for you. Very selfish, IMO.
If there is one thing in this world that is REAL it is the creation of children and the gift you give the world by raising them responsibly. Who knows if the next child might grow up to do important things and make important contributions. Your wife has a feeling about this that goes beyond her biological clock. Trust it and trust her. Love all your children and think a little less about yourself and appreciate the wonderful woman who married you and wants to bear another one of your children.
Do you have any idea how lucky you are?
I'm actually on the fence on this one. I truly, honestly see both side.
And MOgal, you could turn what you said around and say that there is something about the OP's wife that is causing her to NOT be satisfied with two kids.
Wow, what a dilemma. Counseling highly recommended. Find the "right" counselor, no mean chore.
I have 2 (grown now) and consider myself so blessed. But always wanted another.
Agree totally with the poster who said it's a decision you must make together.
To the OP: Give your wife the gift of another child. This is something she feels strongly about and quite frankley you should be honored that after bearing you two children she loves you so much that she wants to go through pregnancy yet again.
There is something else going on that you are not admitting that is keeping you from wanting another child. It sounds as though at some level you are very selfish and actually resent the time the first two have taken from your life because you want more time for you. Very selfish, IMO.
If there is one thing in this world that is REAL it is the creation of children and the gift you give the world by raising them responsibly. Who knows if the next child might grow up to do important things and make important contributions. Your wife has a feeling about this that goes beyond her biological clock. Trust it and trust her. Love all your children and think a little less about yourself and appreciate the wonderful woman who married you and wants to bear another one of your children.
Do you have any idea how lucky you are?
Give me a break! If he doesn't want another kid, he shouldn't have to have one! It isn't a gift to his wife, it is an extra burden on him. Yes, I said burden. The world is designed for families of 4. He's 40 year old. I'm with the OP on this one. Instead of calling him selfish, maybe his wife should be thankful for the 2 kids she has and put her energy into raising them, not asking for more.
Oh, I've been there! I wanted a third child in my late 30's and my husband was happy with our two girls. We disagreed for almost a year over the issue. Finally, he said yes then decided no again, after I stopped my pills. Well, our son must have been meant to be because I was within a week of starting the pills again when I learned I was going to have a baby.
My husband had the same issues you do with having another child. He didn't want to go through it all again. But both of us are so glad we had our son. He is such a blessing! Our family feels complete and my kids each have two siblings to turn to for the rest of their lives. The baby stage lasts such a short time. I say go for it.
I'm actually on the fence on this one. I truly, honestly see both side.
And MOgal, you could turn what you said around and say that there is something about the OP's wife that is causing her to NOT be satisfied with two kids.
Maybe. But I think that when a woman is deeply in love with both her husband and her children it is natural to want to have more children. Each child is a unique creation and a reflection of themselves and their love. Of course, YMMV.
We have two children. They are young adults now. I didn't want a third child until my youngest was 4 years old. Prior to that, I was overwhelmed with the diapers and neediness that goes along with a child that needs help even getting dressed. At 4, they become more independent. They're much more agreeable. 4 to 6 years is my favorite age range.
Anyway, I wanted more children when our youngest turned 4. My husband did NOT want more children. All of that changed when my youngest turned 6. My husband was suddenly agreeable to having more children. Guess what? I didn't want more children anymore! With both finally in elementary school, I was glad to be done with paying for childcare.
I had a miscarriages that almost cost me my life. It was an unexpected pregnancy that happened while I was taking birth control. We decided for my husband to have a vassectomy. I never wanted to have another pregnancy. I was too afraid of dying.
Sometime throughout the years, I wished we had a larger family. We both wanted to be foster parents, but we didn't want to bring any troubled children into the household that could negatively inpact the children we had. We decided that we would become foster parents when our youngest graduated from high school.
Our youngest graduated from high school this year. Guess what? We're too tired to consider fostering right now. My husband has a miserable job where he travels most of the week. He's rarely here. A few years ago, I was diagnosed with a B-12 deficiency that caused some permanent neurological damage. I tire easily.
Who knows? When the economy picks up and hubby finds a job that is less demanding, we might decide to foster.
My POINT is that these feelings change throughout the years. You COULD decide you want more children at some point in the future. Your wife COULD decide she doesn't want more children at some point in the future.
WHATEVER YOU DO, don't have more children unless both of you want more children. I'm surprised your wife is giving you such a hard time that you feel the need to come here to discuss it. When my husband didn't want more children, I was like "Oh, well. It would have been nice." I didn't press the issue.
I'm wondering what her reasons are for wanting another child. Is she depressed? Is she thinking that it will solve marriage problems? I know many women who think having a baby will solve everything. I know women who have purposely gotten pregnant because they feared their husband was about to leave them----thinking that the pregnancy and another child would recommit him to a relationship.
Seriously try to get to the bottom of why your wife wants another child. She might want one just for the sake of wanting one. However, I suspect there's an underlying reason since she feels so strongly about it that she's willing to cause friction in the marriage over it. If you find the root cause (if there is one) and solve that issue, it's likely she'll mellow out about wanting another child. I'm not saying that she'll stop wanting one, but that she might become more realistic and have a healthier attitude and response to not having more children.
I have friends who disagreed over a 3rd. They ultimately did get pregnant....and had twins.
My 2 boys are 20 months apart. When my youngest was born I was trying to make the decision to go for the girl because I knew I wanted them all close in age. I met a woman with a 3 year old boy, a 2 year old boy and 6 month old twin boys. She went for the girl and got 2 more boys. Decision made, tubes tied.
Now my boys are grown and I laugh at how desperately I wanted a girl. There is not enough money in this world to get me to raise a daughter.
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