My wife wants a 3rd child. I don't. (child support, method, infant)
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This isn't a bad idea if she's a dog person. By sheer accident, we happened to get a second dog around the time my youngest was entering a very independent teen stage.
The timing was perfect. The dog filled my void of feeling "needed" and allowed me to "let go" of my children so they could become more independent.
You're right! I forget that everyone isn't a "dog" person. I'm past child bearing years and have so enjoyed new puppy additions to our home. I love to nurture.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ohiogirl22
Haha. My mom has more dogs at home than children. She also has more dogs than she has children period.
My child has always been outnumbered by pets here.
Second that. With the addition that I wish such topics were not real in the first place.
To me, the whole issue is mind boggling, but then again, in this culture, I am in an extreme minority with my philosophies of life.
Essentially, posts such as the one below are museum-worthy for me.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Alexus
Grow up, and do what your wife wants for God's sake. What the hell is wrong with you? After all, this woman committed her life to you, and more likely will be taking care of you when you can't take care of yourself. She wants another baby, for the love of God, give that lovely woman another child.
It is rare that a parent regrets having a child after that baby emerges. You have two beautiful kids and you don't regret having either one, correct? The problem here lies with you and your childish, self-centeredness. Perhaps your concern is that you're no longer capable? What is the real source of your resistance here?
I have only three kids and wish I had ten more. Kids are beautiful and enhance one's life to the fullest. Your wife is in the right here.
OP... As a wife and a mother I do not believe you are selfish. Your wife needs to understand that having a third child is not going to repair the issues you have in your marriage. Children are not band aids...
If my husband and I had issues, I would not bring another child into this world (no matter how loud my biological clock is ticking) until we were both on the same page and got our marriage/love balance right. I am sure you would have felt differently if your marriage was all roses and things are going beyond just great. Another child would just add to the stress and complicate things even further...
I think you're the one who needs to grow up. There is nothing wrong w/ the OP for not wanting to have another child. You were downright rude to him. It's ok to disagree, but you could have chosen your words better.
I can't speak for the majority, but the economy has played a part in the number of children some chose to have. Maybe some w/ large families don't worry about the future, but just putting one through college is all I want to be responsible for. I am an older mom, so I do have experience. I don't have the energy I had in my 30's, even 40's.
To the OP, My sister has two and when she wanted one more, her husband sat down w/ her and talked about the reasons he was happy and complete w/ the two they had. He was financially set for the two and didn't want to struggle w/ a third. I was a third child and I never got my say in anything, nor did I ever get a window seat in the car, plus I wore alot of hand me downs..
So your opinion here is based on the personal trauma that apparently you're still grappling with from being a third child in your family? Your perspective on this topic is tainted because you couldn't have a say in anything when you were younger as a third child in your family? Of course, naturally it flows because YOU were traumatized that if another person doesn't want to give his wife a third child, he is justified because of your experience? Well, I respectfully disagree. I don't think your being traumatized as a third child in your family means that everyone else should avoid having them.
You also complain because you're an older mom and lack the energy, well that is not the same for everyone. Apparently this woman doesn't fall into that category. She eagerly wants a third child. She feels that the family can afford it and that there is room for a third. It's the husband who is resisting.
I'm all for the man doing what his wife wants here. He should honor her and give her a third child, then do what he can to make it work. He is likely not to ever regret that he had that beautiful third kid once he or she is born. A man can have a baby well into old age, but a woman has a window. I feel that during that window, the man should give his wife as many kids as she desires. Not doing so is incredibly selfish and insensitive. Just my personal opinion, you don't have to agree.
I generally dont understand why men don't honor their wives more.
Last edited by LexusNexus; 09-24-2010 at 03:55 AM..
So your opinion here is based on the personal trauma that apparently you're still grappling with from being a third child in your family? Your perspective on this topic is tainted because you couldn't have a say in anything when you were younger as a third child in your family? Of course, naturally it flows because YOU were traumatized that if another person doesn't want to give his wife a third child, he is justified because of your experience? Well, I respectfully disagree. I don't think your being traumatized as a third child in your family means that everyone else should avoid having them.
You also complain because you're an older mom and lack the energy, well that is not the same for everyone. Apparently this woman doesn't fall into that category. She eagerly wants a third child. She feels that the family can afford it and that there is room for a third. It's the husband who is resisting.
I'm all for the man doing what his wife wants here. He should honor her and give her a third child, then do what he can to make it work. He is likely not to ever regret that he had that beautiful third kid once he or she is born. A man can have a baby well into old age, but a woman has a window. I feel that during that window, the man should give his wife as many kids as she desires. Not doing so is incredibly selfish and insensitive. Just my personal opinion, you don't have to agree.
I generally dont understand why men don't honor their wives more.
It's not about "honoring" anyone...the OP has a right to his opinions, and why should he be forced to provide another child for his wife if he isn't 100% into it?
Why not put 100% into the kids they have and be happy with it?
You say men should give their wives as many children as they want? Absurd.
It's not about "honoring" anyone...the OP has a right to his opinions, and why should he be forced to provide another child for his wife if he isn't 100% into it?
Why not put 100% into the kids they have and be happy with it?
You say men should give their wives as many children as they want? Absurd.
Like everyone else here, I'm full of opinions. This discussion is good. No offense to anyone I disagree with here and I don't take criticism personally.
If the marriage is broken, then he needs to make it known to his wife that this is the case. Not having additional kids is not going to fix a broken marriage and I don't agree with the notion of having a kid with this purpose in mind. From what I'm reading, she doesn't feel the marriage is broken and their only point of contention is the issue of having an additional child.
Also, who says that having an additional child means that they are not going to give 100% to the children they already have as well as the third child? That child isn't born yet, how do you know that they aren't going to give 100% to the two kids they have? Did they give 100% to the first kid after they had the second and are they still doing so? You bet.
If the marriage is not broken and the woman wants an additional kid, then the man should do his part to make that happen. Obviously, this would make her happy, and presumably him as well.
I've been married 21 years and compromise defines a marriage. Each side has to do so at various times. Over this issue, I'm assuming that the marriage is sound and that the wife is reasonable enough to gauge the economic impact an additional child would have on the family. I'm assuming that she has determined that she would be able to continue to be an incredible mother to not only her two kids, but the third. Considering that she has that window in her life in which she is capable of having kids, I believe that the man should give her the utmost consideration during this time. It only comes once in a woman's life (the window). He should be sensitive to it, not engage in some power struggle.
When I say that men should give the woman as many kids as she wants, I'm assuming that she's reasonable enough to determine that an additional kid would not be good for a variety of reasons that are particular to their situation. For instance, if a third kid would throw the family into the poor house, she would be aware of that and elect not to have one.
I agree with those here who say that it should be a joint decision, but I'm urging the man to yield given the limited window a woman can have a child. This to me is honoring her, something every husband should do for his wife, mother of his kids, and possibly his future caregiver. He should embrace the idea.
I love this thread. A total stranger comes on and asks about having another child. So, based on your own prejudices and/or experiences, you give him advice on a life-changing event like this. You don't know him or his wife, you don't know a thing about his finances, his other children, his extended family (or lack thereof), but you feel qualified to weigh in on something like this and calling him names for having a preference about the size of his family.
Nice.
:oints to monitor surrounding words::
This is the internet. People do that on internet forums. It's the 21st century version of old guys at the barber, or the PTA luncheon.
A person who asks for advice on this kind of forum gets exactly what it's worth, for the most part.
I'm all for the man doing what his wife wants here. He should honor her and give her a third child, then do what he can to make it work. He is likely not to ever regret that he had that beautiful third kid once he or she is born. A man can have a baby well into old age, but a woman has a window. I feel that during that window, the man should give his wife as many kids as she desires. Not doing so is incredibly selfish and insensitive. Just my personal opinion, you don't have to agree.
Aside from the whole concept that "indulging" is the same as "honoring"...
Babies do not come with guarantees. As we age, the likelihood of other-than-desired outcomes increases. Not just four instead of three, but a host of disabilities and circumstances which at the very least are expensive and high maintenance. What she's asking is not just a baby, but a crapshoot with the whole family's lives: finances, time, energy, and a host of different circumstances.
I adore my daughter. My friends with much more severely disabled children adore theirs. Nonetheless, it is not a situation best courted when one parent is ambivalent about the whole scenario in the first place.
I've thought about that but really that's not an option for the sake of our relationship. I kind of view that like her tricking me over contraception to get pregnant.
This happens a lot more often than you might think.
I think you need to have a very, very serious conversation with your wife. Either way, one of you isn't going to be happy unless you have a major heart-to-heart.
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What is the real source of your resistance here?
oints to monitor surrounding words::
