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I'm all for the man doing what his wife wants here. He should honor her and give her a third child, then do what he can to make it work. He is likely not to ever regret that he had that beautiful third kid once he or she is born. A man can have a baby well into old age, but a woman has a window. I feel that during that window, the man should give his wife as many kids as she desires. Not doing so is incredibly selfish and insensitive. Just my personal opinion, you don't have to agree.
I generally dont understand why men don't honor their wives more.
Oh what a crock of crap. You need to start using your brain instead of your uterus to think. He's already "honored" his wife twice. Now it's wifey's turn to honor her husband. He says no. No wins.
This isn't really a parenting question. It's a relationship question. The OP and his wife disagree on a huge issue. It should be handled like any other big issue with lots of communication, open-mindedness and a willingness on both parts to compromise for the good of the marriage. If both parties aren't willing to talk about it in those terms, they're in for a rocky future.
I suspect it's that, this relationship has some serious problems. He may be considering the child support if things don't work out, the extra years of child support payments, divorce is when kids get very costly. His wife's wishes and her happiness no longer matter.
There could be issues with the wife. Maybe he feels the burden of the kids is all on him, maybe he's having to earn all the money and do all the housework - that can lead to people viewing their own children as nothing but a burden.
They are not on the same page and these problems can create a lot of resentment and hostility. There isn't much to compromise on here - you can't have half a child.
Oh what a crock of crap. You need to start using your brain instead of your uterus to think. He's already "honored" his wife twice. Now it's wifey's turn to honor her husband. He says no. No wins.
It's not a crock of crap. Different people have different outlooks to marriage and children. Some see a baby as nothing but a financial cost, some see a bundle of joy, some see a special unique human that they love the instant they know of his/her existence.
Some people see every child as something that was either carefully planned and if not carefully planned, nothing but a tragic costly accident. Others don't really like that approach to children and take a different view.
I am a woman and I am 29 and don't have any children, and if I was a guy in your situation that would scare me to death. Why does she want another baby. Do you have 2 boys and she wants a girl or vise versa? Is she lacking something that she thinks a baby will fix?
I know vesectimy was a suggestion, I think it could be a vaiable option. I knowhow determined some women are to get what they want. Sabatoging birth control methods. In her eyes this is not doing anything wrong, but if you had a "rough patch" a year or so ago, I just would not feel enough time has passed to bring in another child.
please tell me how to compromise on this issue. You either have one or you don't.
A dog? A cat? A puppy?
Seriously though, I'm not equating pets with babies at all. But if the OP and his wife talk about it and can pinpoint why the wife wants another baby, maybe they can find a way to fulfill that need for her without actually having another child. Could she babysit an infant? Volunteer in a children's shelter?
Or maybe waiting another year or two and then talking about it again is an option.
My husband and I agreed we would have only one child. After my daughter was born I wanted to have another and brought it up a couple of times but he was adamantly opposed. I didn't push it because I wanted to honor what we had agreed upon. Also, I did NOT want a child with an unwilling partner. It's hard enough when you're on the same page.
When my dd turned about 4 and became more independent so that we could travel easily and do more things I didn't want to go back to diaper days. I did aquire 3 cats and a dog over the next four years...
Now that she's 12 and our relationship is changing, I find myself yearning for a baby, but I know that it's the baby/toddler love I'm missing, being at the center of her universe. I'm too old for a baby now, but I realize that if I had another one, that child too would grow up.
Ironically, my husband now says we should have had another child. But neither of us regrets the decisions we made because at the the time we made them they made sense.
My point is that by talking about it and being open-minded, the OP and his wife may be able to understand each other's positions better and come to an agreement either to have another child or not. Or find a way to ease one's apprehensions about having either having another child or not having one.
Oh what a crock of crap. You need to start using your brain instead of your uterus to think. He's already "honored" his wife twice. Now it's wifey's turn to honor her husband. He says no. No wins.
I can not wrap my head around the idea that he should just give in on something that is such a big deal.
It's not a crock of crap. Different people have different outlooks to marriage and children. Some see a baby as nothing but a financial cost, some see a bundle of joy, some see a special unique human that they love the instant they know of his/her existence.
Some people see every child as something that was either carefully planned and if not carefully planned, nothing but a tragic costly accident. Others don't really like that approach to children and take a different view.
Yes, her response was a crock of crap. He should just "honor" her because she wants it? Sorry, that's not good enough. What you're saying is she should just get her way because she simply wants to. That's stupid.
Who cares if all she sees is a "bundle of joy." That's still a stupid reason to put your marriage and your kids' lives in trouble. It's just plain stupid. She needs to appreciate the 2 she's already been "honored" with. Time for her to do some "honoring."
So your opinion here is based on the personal trauma that apparently you're still grappling with from being a third child in your family? Your perspective on this topic is tainted because you couldn't have a say in anything when you were younger as a third child in your family? Of course, naturally it flows because YOU were traumatized that if another person doesn't want to give his wife a third child, he is justified because of your experience? Well, I respectfully disagree. I don't think your being traumatized as a third child in your family means that everyone else should avoid having them.
You also complain because you're an older mom and lack the energy, well that is not the same for everyone. Apparently this woman doesn't fall into that category. She eagerly wants a third child. She feels that the family can afford it and that there is room for a third. It's the husband who is resisting.
I'm all for the man doing what his wife wants here. He should honor her and give her a third child, then do what he can to make it work. He is likely not to ever regret that he had that beautiful third kid once he or she is born. A man can have a baby well into old age, but a woman has a window. I feel that during that window, the man should give his wife as many kids as she desires. Not doing so is incredibly selfish and insensitive. Just my personal opinion, you don't have to agree.
I generally dont understand why men don't honor their wives more.
Excuse me, but where did I ever say I had personal trauma? Don't put words into my mouth!!! I was not traumatized! I just stated some facts of being the youngest.
Also, I did not complain about being an older mom. You make me so angry twisting my words. Just because I don't have the energy of a 20 yr old isn't complaining. Learn how to read! Traumatized and complaining were never mentioned in my post!
Glad you're all for the husband doing what his wife wants. That doesn't give you the authority over this man. He doesn't want a baby! We're talking about a human life here that should be wanted by both parents.
i'm in a somewhat similar dilemma but maybe in the rough-patch part. we've 2 kids, our marriage is definitely strained for reasons that have nothing to do with our kids. my wife wants another child and i'm not saying i don't but i don't want one until our marriage is sorted out. unfortunately, she sees that as a statement that i don't have faith the marriage will get sorted out. i'm not willing to bring a child into the world to prove i have faith in a marriage but that might end it - to ben 979 i'd love to know how this point was addressed during your rough patch.
i'm in a somewhat similar dilemma but maybe in the rough-patch part. we've 2 kids, our marriage is definitely strained for reasons that have nothing to do with our kids. my wife wants another child and i'm not saying i don't but i don't want one until our marriage is sorted out. unfortunately, she sees that as a statement that i don't have faith the marriage will get sorted out. i'm not willing to bring a child into the world to prove i have faith in a marriage but that might end it - to ben 979 i'd love to know how this point was addressed during your rough patch.
You're doing the right thing by waiting.
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his wife twice. Now it's wifey's turn to honor her husband. He says no. No wins.
I can not wrap my head around the idea that he should just give in on something that is such a big deal.
